After college

So, holidays look different. DD, young adult just out of college, had a hospital job. She had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The rest of the family, we had a nice Christmas Eve. Christmas Day we all boarded the train and were there for her when she got off work. It was a Christmas we remember as fun and fun being together.

Every holiday won't look like it did when they were kids but there will be good times together.

Never, really.

I went to my parents house for almost every Thanksgiving and all Christmases until I married DH. Then we celebrated with both our families by trading Thanksgiving and Christmas back and forth. So one year Thanksgiving was with DH’s family and Christmas with mine. Then, the next year we would switch. We hosted or traveled, taking turns. Some years we traveled for both, some we hosted for both, other years we hosted for one and traveled for the other.

Now all four of our parents are gone and we still get together with family. I5 has evolved to be Thanksgiving with DH’s sister and Christmas with mine. Again, we trade off hosting, for the most part.

Before we had kids, we would go to our parents and inlaws (different states). I always felt like I was a kid and doing what my mom and MIL wanted us to do. I didn't get married until my 30s. Once we had kids, we explained we would not travel for the holidays and family could visit us. Our families are both well off financially and my in-laws and mom are retired. Only my dad works. This is the first year my DH and I are taking out kids skiing out West and doing our own thing before Christmas. My mom is pissed. She is upset we are traveling but not "home". My parents never let me visit my aunts and uncles now that my grandparents have passed and I only have a few friends and if I get to see them, my mom is very controlling about the schedule and when we can see my friends and for how long. It is exhausting. My sister and brother actually lie and stay with my aunt a few days before to get to see family or stay with their friends.

I am 47 this year and I still go « home » to my parents’ house for Christmas with my husband and three kids. My husband is Jewish so we don’t have to share the holiday with my family. A few years in there we all went to my sisters’ house when she had little kids and once or twice my parents came to us, but we all prefer to go to the grandparents. I know that we probably only have a few years left where they will feel up to hosting and I want to savor each year. We are very lucky.

This thread combined with the mother vs fathers family (what were you closer to growing up) has me sad. Prematurely so too. My kids are under 6, but both are boys.