Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister phones and asks how you and your family are doing? Tell us why that is so terrible?

+1

And the sister hosted Thanksgiving but OP refused to communicate with her beforehand? A normal person would at least offer to bring something.
OP is the mean one.

+1. So she’s horrible enough that you’ll avoid communicating with her, but you’ll show up to her table to eat and enjoy the hospitable environment she created for your family to enjoy together?

Wow, OP. If you accept someone’s hospitality, you owe them answers to basic questions like what time can you be there, and can you bring a bottle of Pinot Noir. You sound like the drama queen.

That’s where the conflict avoidance comes into play. If I do not show up, that creates the drama. It was a potluck TG dinner. I brought many dishes and wine to share. My siblings and I coordinated on the group chat who was bringing what. Everything has been the status quo. I just don’t want a relationship with her. Similar to a distant cousin- you only see or speak to a few times a year.

Hint: if you don’t want a relationship with someone, you start by declining their invitations. You don’t want a relationship with her; fine, own it. Own that there may be fallout. It’s called a consequence of a choice. If you choose to cut her off, then you need to own the “drama” that would create. But if you don’t want a relationship with her, literally step one is not eating at her table.

I don’t want a personal relationship with her. I do not want to talk about work or inquire about her work. I do not want to talk about my daily life or inquire about her daily life. I do not want to talk about her home renovations or my volunteer work.

I do and would invite her to a family gatherings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister phones and asks how you and your family are doing? Tell us why that is so terrible?

+1

And the sister hosted Thanksgiving but OP refused to communicate with her beforehand? A normal person would at least offer to bring something.
OP is the mean one.

+1. So she’s horrible enough that you’ll avoid communicating with her, but you’ll show up to her table to eat and enjoy the hospitable environment she created for your family to enjoy together?

Wow, OP. If you accept someone’s hospitality, you owe them answers to basic questions like what time can you be there, and can you bring a bottle of Pinot Noir. You sound like the drama queen.

That’s where the conflict avoidance comes into play. If I do not show up, that creates the drama. It was a potluck TG dinner. I brought many dishes and wine to share. My siblings and I coordinated on the group chat who was bringing what. Everything has been the status quo. I just don’t want a relationship with her. Similar to a distant cousin- you only see or speak to a few times a year.

Hint: if you don’t want a relationship with someone, you start by declining their invitations. You don’t want a relationship with her; fine, own it. Own that there may be fallout. It’s called a consequence of a choice. If you choose to cut her off, then you need to own the “drama” that would create. But if you don’t want a relationship with her, literally step one is not eating at her table.

I don’t want a personal relationship with her. I do not want to talk about work or inquire about her work. I do not want to talk about my daily life or inquire about her daily life. I do not want to talk about her home renovations or my volunteer work.

I do and would invite her to a family gatherings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister phones and asks how you and your family are doing? Tell us why that is so terrible?

+1

And the sister hosted Thanksgiving but OP refused to communicate with her beforehand? A normal person would at least offer to bring something.
OP is the mean one.

+1. So she’s horrible enough that you’ll avoid communicating with her, but you’ll show up to her table to eat and enjoy the hospitable environment she created for your family to enjoy together?

Wow, OP. If you accept someone’s hospitality, you owe them answers to basic questions like what time can you be there, and can you bring a bottle of Pinot Noir. You sound like the drama queen.

That’s where the conflict avoidance comes into play. If I do not show up, that creates the drama. It was a potluck TG dinner. I brought many dishes and wine to share. My siblings and I coordinated on the group chat who was bringing what. Everything has been the status quo. I just don’t want a relationship with her. Similar to a distant cousin- you only see or speak to a few times a year.

Hint: if you don’t want a relationship with someone, you start by declining their invitations. You don’t want a relationship with her; fine, own it. Own that there may be fallout. It’s called a consequence of a choice. If you choose to cut her off, then you need to own the “drama” that would create. But if you don’t want a relationship with her, literally step one is not eating at her table.

I don’t want a personal relationship with her. I do not want to talk about work or inquire about her work. I do not want to talk about my daily life or inquire about her daily life. I do not want to talk about her home renovations or my volunteer work.

I do and would invite her to a family gatherings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister phones and asks how you and your family are doing? Tell us why that is so terrible?

+1

And the sister hosted Thanksgiving but OP refused to communicate with her beforehand? A normal person would at least offer to bring something.
OP is the mean one.

+1. So she’s horrible enough that you’ll avoid communicating with her, but you’ll show up to her table to eat and enjoy the hospitable environment she created for your family to enjoy together?

Wow, OP. If you accept someone’s hospitality, you owe them answers to basic questions like what time can you be there, and can you bring a bottle of Pinot Noir. You sound like the drama queen.

That’s where the conflict avoidance comes into play. If I do not show up, that creates the drama. It was a potluck TG dinner. I brought many dishes and wine to share. My siblings and I coordinated on the group chat who was bringing what. Everything has been the status quo. I just don’t want a relationship with her. Similar to a distant cousin- you only see or speak to a few times a year.

Hint: if you don’t want a relationship with someone, you start by declining their invitations. You don’t want a relationship with her; fine, own it. Own that there may be fallout. It’s called a consequence of a choice. If you choose to cut her off, then you need to own the “drama” that would create. But if you don’t want a relationship with her, literally step one is not eating at her table.

I don’t want a personal relationship with her. I do not want to talk about work or inquire about her work. I do not want to talk about my daily life or inquire about her daily life. I do not want to talk about her home renovations or my volunteer work.

I do and would invite her to a family gatherings.

But let me guess, when you were buying your house and talking about your home renovations and building your life you expected her rapt attention and loved inciting envy, right? Now that she’s building hers you’re cold shouldering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister phones and asks how you and your family are doing? Tell us why that is so terrible?

+1

And the sister hosted Thanksgiving but OP refused to communicate with her beforehand? A normal person would at least offer to bring something.
OP is the mean one.

+1. So she’s horrible enough that you’ll avoid communicating with her, but you’ll show up to her table to eat and enjoy the hospitable environment she created for your family to enjoy together?

Wow, OP. If you accept someone’s hospitality, you owe them answers to basic questions like what time can you be there, and can you bring a bottle of Pinot Noir. You sound like the drama queen.

That’s where the conflict avoidance comes into play. If I do not show up, that creates the drama. It was a potluck TG dinner. I brought many dishes and wine to share. My siblings and I coordinated on the group chat who was bringing what. Everything has been the status quo. I just don’t want a relationship with her. Similar to a distant cousin- you only see or speak to a few times a year.

Hint: if you don’t want a relationship with someone, you start by declining their invitations. You don’t want a relationship with her; fine, own it. Own that there may be fallout. It’s called a consequence of a choice. If you choose to cut her off, then you need to own the “drama” that would create. But if you don’t want a relationship with her, literally step one is not eating at her table.

I don’t want a personal relationship with her. I do not want to talk about work or inquire about her work. I do not want to talk about my daily life or inquire about her daily life. I do not want to talk about her home renovations or my volunteer work.

I do and would invite her to a family gatherings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister phones and asks how you and your family are doing? Tell us why that is so terrible?

+1

And the sister hosted Thanksgiving but OP refused to communicate with her beforehand? A normal person would at least offer to bring something.
OP is the mean one.

+1. So she’s horrible enough that you’ll avoid communicating with her, but you’ll show up to her table to eat and enjoy the hospitable environment she created for your family to enjoy together?

Wow, OP. If you accept someone’s hospitality, you owe them answers to basic questions like what time can you be there, and can you bring a bottle of Pinot Noir. You sound like the drama queen.

That’s where the conflict avoidance comes into play. If I do not show up, that creates the drama. It was a potluck TG dinner. I brought many dishes and wine to share. My siblings and I coordinated on the group chat who was bringing what. Everything has been the status quo. I just don’t want a relationship with her. Similar to a distant cousin- you only see or speak to a few times a year.

Hint: if you don’t want a relationship with someone, you start by declining their invitations. You don’t want a relationship with her; fine, own it. Own that there may be fallout. It’s called a consequence of a choice. If you choose to cut her off, then you need to own the “drama” that would create. But if you don’t want a relationship with her, literally step one is not eating at her table.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I read stories or read post on here about family members who have strained relations with other family members and have no idea why. I would always call bs. It wasn't until I read this that I actually believe some people.

Op, you haven't mentioned anything that your sister has done wrong. You are angry she asks how you and your family are doing? You claim she is envious of you but I suspect this is imagined.

Cut the cord cut your sister off. Cut off your entire family but don't blame them. This is a you problem. You may need counseling.

Do you like everyone who has come into your life? Do you keep them there because they are there? I surely do not. Maybe that’s a me thing, and never knew it. But if I get a sense that someone does not appreciate my company or do not want me around, I do not stick around and poke the bear. There’s no anger or attitude when we spoke on Thursday in person. But it was not personal.

Even if she’s the greatest person on earth and she’s not envious of me, if I do not want her in my life, why do I have to except to interact with her on a few occasions when the entire family is involved? I would never not invite her to a birthday party or if we hosted TG dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I read stories or read post on here about family members who have strained relations with other family members and have no idea why. I would always call bs. It wasn't until I read this that I actually believe some people.

Op, you haven't mentioned anything that your sister has done wrong. You are angry she asks how you and your family are doing? You claim she is envious of you but I suspect this is imagined.

Cut the cord cut your sister off. Cut off your entire family but don't blame them. This is a you problem. You may need counseling.

Do you like everyone who has come into your life? Do you keep them there because they are there? I surely do not. Maybe that’s a me thing, and never knew it. But if I get a sense that someone does not appreciate my company or do not want me around, I do not stick around and poke the bear. There’s no anger or attitude when we spoke on Thursday in person. But it was not personal.

Even if she’s the greatest person on earth and she’s not envious of me, if [b]I do not want her in my life, why do I have to except to interact with her on a few occasions when the entire family is involved? I would never not invite her to a birthday party or if we hosted TG dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don’t understand how her life choices are affecting you or what she’s doing (besides existing) that bothers you so much.

And your other sibling is a pot-stirrer. Does this sister not envy the other family members, only you? How come everyone else is able to deal with her?

Her existence does not bother me. I wish her nothing but success and happiness as I wish all of mankind. I really don’t want to go down the road of explaining my feelings. I was simply asking how to go about fading her out of my life. If I continue to be consistent with my actions, barring something catastrophic, eventually she should get it. I’m hoping.

I don’t know if she’s envious of other people, I don’t put too much stock in her. But with siblings, there’s a certain ‘access’ of one’s life that there’s not with other people. My family and I are conflict avoiding people. They just let her be. I just don’t want her to be in my life.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I read stories or read post on here about family members who have strained relations with other family members and have no idea why. I would always call bs. It wasn't until I read this that I actually believe some people.

Op, you haven't mentioned anything that your sister has done wrong. You are angry she asks how you and your family are doing? You claim she is envious of you but I suspect this is imagined.

Cut the cord cut your sister off. Cut off your entire family but don't blame them. This is a you problem. You may need counseling.