Anonymous
11/25/2022 15:27
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
He sounds verbally and emotionally abusive: hyper critical, unwilling to accept responsibility or admit he’s wrong, blames you for everything when he is also the parent here, I could go on…
Anonymous
11/25/2022 15:11
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:Yes your DH is a jerk, but he also has a point. I don’t think he is wrong in general sentiment. Kids are a LOT of work. Building successful kids that have the most possible opportunities later in school/life takes a lot of dedicated nurturing and time- both to enrich their strengths and work on their deficiencies. This take a lot of resources; both time and sometimes money. This is why it is mostly the kids of UMC families getting into the better schools.
If you don’t nurture their minds and are simply in survival mode; cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, driving, then they may not have the opportunity to do anything beyond a blue collar job. There is nothing wrong with blue collar jobs, as you said. But it may not be their choice, they may be shut out of other schools and opportunities.
The problem is that her H is not participating in the nurturing. He wants to dictate how OP does it but provide zero hand-on work himself.
If her H helped out, she wouldn’t be in survival mode. The key to enriching kids isn’t to pile more work on moms, it’s to demand dads step up and do their half.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 14:32
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:Yes your DH is a jerk, but he also has a point. I don’t think he is wrong in general sentiment. Kids are a LOT of work. Building successful kids that have the most possible opportunities later in school/life takes a lot of dedicated nurturing and time- both to enrich their strengths and work on their deficiencies. This take a lot of resources; both time and sometimes money. This is why it is mostly the kids of UMC families getting into the better schools.
If you don’t nurture their minds and are simply in survival mode; cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, driving, then they may not have the opportunity to do anything beyond a blue collar job. There is nothing wrong with blue collar jobs, as you said. But it may not be their choice, they may be shut out of other schools and opportunities.
Op’s kids are upper middle class with good schools and lots of extracurriculars. They are in a nice metro area around other educated professionals. They will not be shut out and forced into blue collar work.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 14:15
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:Yes your DH is a jerk, but he also has a point. I don’t think he is wrong in general sentiment. Kids are a LOT of work. Building successful kids that have the most possible opportunities later in school/life takes a lot of dedicated nurturing and time- both to enrich their strengths and work on their deficiencies. This take a lot of resources; both time and sometimes money. This is why it is mostly the kids of UMC families getting into the better schools.
If you don’t nurture their minds and are simply in survival mode; cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, driving, then they may not have the opportunity to do anything beyond a blue collar job. There is nothing wrong with blue collar jobs, as you said. But it may not be their choice, they may be shut out of other schools and opportunities.
Op and her husband have degrees and work in white collar work, they send their kids to sports lessons, they are doing well in school in a good district, their kids are not “in survival mode” like you describe. They will likely be fine but the DH is going to be critical no matter what.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 14:07
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Yes your DH is a jerk, but he also has a point. I don’t think he is wrong in general sentiment. Kids are a LOT of work. Building successful kids that have the most possible opportunities later in school/life takes a lot of dedicated nurturing and time- both to enrich their strengths and work on their deficiencies. This take a lot of resources; both time and sometimes money. This is why it is mostly the kids of UMC families getting into the better schools.
If you don’t nurture their minds and are simply in survival mode; cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, driving, then they may not have the opportunity to do anything beyond a blue collar job. There is nothing wrong with blue collar jobs, as you said. But it may not be their choice, they may be shut out of other schools and opportunities.
If you don’t nurture their minds and are simply in survival mode; cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, driving, then they may not have the opportunity to do anything beyond a blue collar job. There is nothing wrong with blue collar jobs, as you said. But it may not be their choice, they may be shut out of other schools and opportunities.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 12:00
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
And hugs OP
Anonymous
11/25/2022 11:59
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Not always perfect humans are rich later on. Look up celebrities with delays who are rich now. Anything is possible.
Your husband sounds stressed and you too. Both your feelings are valid and heard. Both of you needs time alone. I hope you two work it out.
Your children will be alright. Show love and positive discipline. Doesn't matter if they have adhd/delays etc. Still treat them like everyone else. Teach them to be independent. And helpful. Learn good manners. Learning good manners is the best teaching.
Your husband sounds stressed and you too. Both your feelings are valid and heard. Both of you needs time alone. I hope you two work it out.
Your children will be alright. Show love and positive discipline. Doesn't matter if they have adhd/delays etc. Still treat them like everyone else. Teach them to be independent. And helpful. Learn good manners. Learning good manners is the best teaching.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 10:46
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned what seems obvious to me- your DH wants a SAHM. And a tiger mom at that. Is that something you can afford and/or want to do?
No, she should not give up her job because the likelihood divorce is very good and she needs that steady income. I would start putting money aside so that there is my emergency fund.
Her "DH wants". What about what she wants? 1950 called and is looking fir you. I'd tell DH to take over immediately and show me how it's done. This is his way of taking the focus off himself while he does nothing. Keep working and hire a divorce attorney OP.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 10:13
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned what seems obvious to me- your DH wants a SAHM. And a tiger mom at that. Is that something you can afford and/or want to do?
No, she should not give up her job because the likelihood divorce is very good and she needs that steady income. I would start putting money aside so that there is my emergency fund.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 10:09
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned what seems obvious to me- your DH wants a SAHM. And a tiger mom at that. Is that something you can afford and/or want to do?
Maybe she can afford to have her husband quit his job and he can be stay at home Dad since that seems to be his biggest concern right now
This was my thought. If he's so worrird then he should become a SAHD.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 09:18
Subject: Re:DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:You should never become a SAHM when your husband has already shown you he is a jackass. That would be the worst thing ever. If you don’t divorce this guy now, you likely will at some point in the future. Keep your financial ducks in a row.
+1000
I wish I knew how to productively deal with a lazy blamer like OP's DH. I'm divorced from mine (she had an affair). She would occasionally improve when she got external feedback, a relative of her's saying "so you don't cook OR do the dishes?" but then it would be back to "WE really need to keep the house cleaner" while sitting on the couch doing jack.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 09:03
Subject: Re:DH says my parenting style is a failure
You should never become a SAHM when your husband has already shown you he is a jackass. That would be the worst thing ever. If you don’t divorce this guy now, you likely will at some point in the future. Keep your financial ducks in a row.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 08:35
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned what seems obvious to me- your DH wants a SAHM. And a tiger mom at that. Is that something you can afford and/or want to do?
I was in a similar boat although Dh didn’t put me down. My older child was struggling with school.
My kids got significantly more screen time when I was working. I had less patience. I was just trying to survive.
I don’t think OP’s marriage sounds stable enough for her to stay home.
Op’s DH will be abusive no matter what. Good enough is never good enough. Doesn’t matter if she is a SAHM with private tutors. He’s still going to find fault with her and the kids. My mom was a SAHM who taught us a ton at home and did a ton of enrichment and we went to the best schools and my dad was still perpetually dissatisfied and afraid we weren’t going to be successful even with STEM degrees from schools in the top 10.
Anonymous
11/25/2022 08:03
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned what seems obvious to me- your DH wants a SAHM. And a tiger mom at that. Is that something you can afford and/or want to do?
Maybe she can afford to have her husband quit his job and he can be stay at home Dad since that seems to be his biggest concern right now
Anonymous
11/25/2022 08:02
Subject: DH says my parenting style is a failure
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised no one has mentioned what seems obvious to me- your DH wants a SAHM. And a tiger mom at that. Is that something you can afford and/or want to do?
I was in a similar boat although Dh didn’t put me down. My older child was struggling with school.
My kids got significantly more screen time when I was working. I had less patience. I was just trying to survive.
I don’t think OP’s marriage sounds stable enough for her to stay home.