OP sounds like a bored teenager.

"Easy normal" anything only exists for people from non-dysfunctional families.

One cannot will an "easy normal" get together w/ people who are not easy or normal people.--adult child of a family full of abusive, alcoholic, drug-addicted people with many different types of mental illnesses and disorders.

How nice for you, OP, that you think Thanksgiving or any other day can magically, simply be easy or normal when trying to deal w/ people like those in my family.

Now, you are correct that things can be kept easy and normal...but it is by staying away from my family. If it's just me and my spouse and our kids--it is totally easy and normal. So that's what we do. But we cannot just choose to have a different extended family with whom to spend holidays, as much as we might like to.

I have not yet started cooking but I know my TG will go very well. Will start cooking in the evening. I am so excited!!

Only family members are coming so it is a small party with 14 people. No dogs or pets. My house is clean. Booze fully stocked. Plates, silverware, platters, glasses, clean and ready to be deployed. All the centerpiece is ready. I am so happy!!

Anonymous wrote:One relative hosts, provides the turkey, apps and some drinks. Others bring a side and a dessert. No one is mad or stressed. The host rotates year to year. This is how it is for both sides of our family. It’s not hard or anger-inducing. Men and women both help. What’s the issue?

That’s how I grew up, when I lived in a place where my furthest away relative was 35 minutes.

Now. We live 3000 miles from one side and 400 from the other. So things aren’t just so easy peasy as bring a side and some wine when it involves flying across the country where there’s no one to rotate hosting with because that side of our family has no branches, just a tree trunk.

So it is hard and anger inducing when on top of having to be the host and serve and cook the whole meal because no one’s bringing anything from 3000 miles away, you get to add the fun of having people overnight for a week because traveling to the east for any shorter length of time is “not worth it.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for sharing OP! We never could figure out how to have a stressfree Thanksgiving, now we know that it's not really the pent up resentments, alcoholics, toxic politics that's been spoiling it all these years.

All of that is a choice. You are choosing this.

DP - come off it. Sure, those of us with difficult family could choose never to see them, but I'm guessing then you'd criticize us for being heartless and cruel.

Also, no, I didn't choose to have my only sibling be functionally disabled. I didn't choose my parents. I didn't force my in-laws to scatter around the country. You just like to call it a choice so you can feel superior.

Anonymous wrote:No issue here. Thanksgiving food is also easy to make - Just mixing and baking.

+ 1

It is such nothingburger bland food. I cannot believe that people get stressed about it. Mix and bake, mix and bake. It is like people are having heartattack when they are hosting. Such a big pile of poop!!

Anonymous wrote:1. Not everyone knows how to cook or is a good cook
2. Not everyone has the space to host 27 people (hello tiny studio apartment cousins!)
3. Not everyone does life the way you do.

Yep, better to just do nothing about it and whine.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for sharing OP! We never could figure out how to have a stressfree Thanksgiving, now we know that it's not really the pent up resentments, alcoholics, toxic politics that's been spoiling it all these years.

All of that is a choice. You are choosing this.

People don't usually post in this forum when life is good and they don't have any problems. I have a stellar relationship with my mother in law with very minimal drama but I don't feel compelled to write about how I get along so well with her

Thanks for sharing OP! We never could figure out how to have a stressfree Thanksgiving, now we know that it's not really the pent up resentments, alcoholics, toxic politics that's been spoiling it all these years.

Anonymous wrote:The issue isn’t the food or hosting. The issue is that toxicities surface at holidays. And it gets compounded over the years, especially if relatives only gather once a year.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

1. Not everyone knows how to cook or is a good cook
2. Not everyone has the space to host 27 people (hello tiny studio apartment cousins!)
3. Not everyone does life the way you do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, just like easy normal families exist. But there are plenty of not-easy, not-normal families and Thanksgiving can be hard to manage in those.

I wouldn't continue to spend holidays with people who made me miserable after I made repeated, reasonable attempts to accomodate them. At some point, doing the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity.

Sadly, I got married and my DH is pretty sure his family is normal! Ok not entirely. They aren't so bad we can cut them out, but they make holidays and big events stressful. It's not toxic, it's just difficult.

Anonymous wrote:One relative hosts, provides the turkey, apps and some drinks. Others bring a side and a dessert. No one is mad or stressed. The host rotates year to year. This is how it is for both sides of our family. It’s not hard or anger-inducing. Men and women both help. What’s the issue?

This is how my family does it!! My inlaws...not so much. My MIL will find any reason to get mad, whether she hosts or not. What she really needs a xanax.

Anonymous wrote:I have hosted large celebrations a few times. They are fun, and normal to me, but a lot of work.

Here's my easy normal Thanksgiving:

6-7 people at our table. Five of those people are my three kids (17-21 yrs), husband and myself.

My husband makes the Turkey, I and one annual guest make sides. It's calm, but fun. We play board games in the evening.

This year everyone is making a small dip for appetizers. Yes, six different dips, and I cannot wait.

Calm and fun=all of your guests are adults and there are 7 of you. I hope anyone with an army of little kids underfoot notices this detail and doesn’t beat themselves up for not having “fun”.