Anonymous wrote:OP again. He and my son are saying there was no "strangling" or pressure on the neck, does this matter? I looked immediately afterwards and saw no marks.
In my mind there are 1k ways to restrain a child or leave the situation without putting hands on the neck. Even moving a child to the bed in a somewhat rough manner by picking them up around the waist or shoulders....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In the midst of a stressful situation, DS, 8, was sent to his room for fighting with his little brother. DH went in after him to turn a light on and DS started swinging at him, repeatedly. DH responded by grabbing DS by the neck and throwing him on his bed.
I came in on the heels of this, with DS crying and saying he put his hands on my neck, and DH saying he "had to defend himself from haymakers."
This is the first time DH has put hands on kids in the family or me. He does have anger issues and has twice in the past month screamed "f*ck you or go f*ck yourself" to the same child, who when bounding across the room or play wrestling, has hurt him. DH says these are "snap reactions" to being physically hurt when not expecting it.
Where do I go from here?
And not the last. He's escalating.
OP, many, many parents have been in stressful situations with 8 year olds hitting them and have not responded by putting their hands around their child's neck.
Make a plan to leave. If you think he will be angry and not remorseful, make the plan in secret.
https://www.thehotline.org/
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
You get the 8 year old to settle down.
Not a troll. The kid was being violent. He went after his brother, then his father. Something is wrong there.
+1. And 8 is old enough to know he can get away with crying to mommy after he got consequences for punching daddy. He’s not a toddler. This kid seems to be a problem child.
Ok, and whose fault is that? The mom or the dad's, who's yelling "eff you" to his child and putting their hands on his neck?
Op now says that he didn't put his hands on the child's neck.
So we have a father who has an anger problem.
A mother who exaggerates/ lies
An 8 year old who lies and has an anger problem
A younger sibling who has to deal with all of the above and get s beat up by older sibling and mom defends the older sibling.
Family therapy and parenting classes at a minimum.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
You get the 8 year old to settle down.
Not a troll. The kid was being violent. He went after his brother, then his father. Something is wrong there.
+1. And 8 is old enough to know he can get away with crying to mommy after he got consequences for punching daddy. He’s not a toddler. This kid seems to be a problem child.
Ok, and whose fault is that? The mom or the dad's, who's yelling "eff you" to his child and putting their hands on his neck?
Op now says that he didn't put his hands on the child's neck.
So we have a father who has an anger problem.
A mother who exaggerates/ lies
An 8 year old who lies and has an anger problem
A younger sibling who has to deal with all of the above and get s beat up by older sibling and mom defends the older sibling.
Family therapy and parenting classes at a minimum.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have a child who is violent. I remember the shock I felt when it started. I wish that we had the perfect reactions - but I’m not really sure what that would have been. Over time and through a lot of medical treatment with my son, we got better at anticipating and avoiding.
I say this to point out that you have a child that crossed a hard line. Your husband may have reacted badly. It’s time to discuss bringing the professionals and, in a calmer time, discuss boundaries. But there is a lot of heat of the moment reactions that will never be perfect. And everyone who is now saying run and divorce probably don’t have violent kids. But you do.
An 8 year old fighting his little brother is not necessarily a violent child. Boys fight, you have to make sure they are safe. You don’t do that by putting your hands on someone’s neck. Ever.
It's completely not acceptable for kids to fight. It's a parenting issue if you re allowing it in your home. Dad was right to stop it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have a child who is violent. I remember the shock I felt when it started. I wish that we had the perfect reactions - but I’m not really sure what that would have been. Over time and through a lot of medical treatment with my son, we got better at anticipating and avoiding.
I say this to point out that you have a child that crossed a hard line. Your husband may have reacted badly. It’s time to discuss bringing the professionals and, in a calmer time, discuss boundaries. But there is a lot of heat of the moment reactions that will never be perfect. And everyone who is now saying run and divorce probably don’t have violent kids. But you do.
+1. I would start with professional help for the child. It sounds like you are dealing with a very difficult situation here.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
You get the 8 year old to settle down.
Not a troll. The kid was being violent. He went after his brother, then his father. Something is wrong there.
+1. And 8 is old enough to know he can get away with crying to mommy after he got consequences for punching daddy. He’s not a toddler. This kid seems to be a problem child.
Ok, and whose fault is that? The mom or the dad's, who's yelling "eff you" to his child and putting their hands on his neck?
Op now says that he didn't put his hands on the child's neck.
So we have a father who has an anger problem.
A mother who exaggerates/ lies
An 8 year old who lies and has an anger problem
A younger sibling who has to deal with all of the above and get s beat up by older sibling and mom defends the older sibling.
Family therapy and parenting classes at a minimum.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have a child who is violent. I remember the shock I felt when it started. I wish that we had the perfect reactions - but I’m not really sure what that would have been. Over time and through a lot of medical treatment with my son, we got better at anticipating and avoiding.
I say this to point out that you have a child that crossed a hard line. Your husband may have reacted badly. It’s time to discuss bringing the professionals and, in a calmer time, discuss boundaries. But there is a lot of heat of the moment reactions that will never be perfect. And everyone who is now saying run and divorce probably don’t have violent kids. But you do.
An 8 year old fighting his little brother is not necessarily a violent child. Boys fight, you have to make sure they are safe. You don’t do that by putting your hands on someone’s neck. Ever.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
You get the 8 year old to settle down.
Not a troll. The kid was being violent. He went after his brother, then his father. Something is wrong there.