To this day, I'm still annoyed with my father. I had no "house" rules when I was in high school. But when I came home from college for winter/summer breaks - all of a sudden he had to know where I was going, with whom and what time I'd be home. Guess what? The moment I could I moved 1900 miles away and rarely came home. If he had been more flexible and open - or even asked if the friends I was visiting would like to join us for a meal - things would have been very different. My advice, enjoy the time together and don't push.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never want my children to spend time with me because they feel they have to.

When my children come home I ask them if they are planning to be home for dinner and if they say no then I’m fine with it.

I think OP is thinking "who wouldn't want to spend time with me?"

Is it that hard for some of you to be kind? OP misses her son and wants to see him. She's going to have to adapt to him being independent and not as excited to sit around with her. There was no need for the bit---y comment like that. Grow up.

I just focus on a lot more housework.

My kids keep all odd hours, play video games, not do too many chores, sleep till very late, plan what they plan, go where they want to go, throw parties at home etc.

I continue with the logistics of my own hosting - our family, neighbors, friends and even the friends of my kids. My kids will attend every single event because they like to hang out with us.

Our one rule is around safety. They need to keep us informed where they are, to be safe, to not drive when they are impaired and mostly be home by a certain time.

Oh, I keep kissing and hugging them whenever I want to. I am sure they find it annoying but I am happy when I am getting and giving a lot of hugs and kisses from my kids. Also, what is the alternative for them? Not kiss mom and then do their own chores? LOL!! Never happening in our home!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman in college in another state and is about to come home for the first time for Thanksgiving. I am beyond excited to see him! I spoke to him last night though and he informed me of all the plans he's made with friends and other folks during break and I am disappointed. He is almost 19 and has his autonomy at school - I'm not going to make him ask permission to make plans, and I certainly want him to be able to catch up with his friends, coaches, etc., but I do want the chance to see and visit with him. It got me thinking about setting expectations for Christmas and summer breaks as well. For those who have BTDT, how did you handle family obligations and other household obligations when your technically adult child currently attending college was home for breaks? Thanks for your understanding guidance!

What "obligations" do your guests have when they visit and stay at your home?


My expectations: Have lunch or dinner with us (at least one each day) clean up after yourself and text me if you coming home late.

I’d say a meal every other day.

Anonymous wrote:I try not to be “that mom” who tries to make her kids feel guilty about time spent with me. It’s much nicer when they choose to carve out time for family on their own. This has also served well into post college early adulthood when jobs and schedules aren’t always under their control or significant others play a part. Be excited to see them, let them know they’re loved, but don’t try to control their time. I’ve also seen how controlling can backfire longer term…when they’re free they never look back because of the bad feelings that were created.

I am 53 years old, and I still remember how much I loved it when I'd go home from college for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and my parents would encourage me to see my friends! They knew we were all close and missed each other as we were all in colleges in different states. I loved that.

eat at weird hours (but you cook)

nah .... they fend for themselves
unless they just happen to be around when a meal is being fixed