In many cultures it is more normal to have multi-generational households than not so on the surface I don't see anything wrong with OPs son wanting to live at home. It's human nature to crave connection and comfort. And, as others have said, as long as he is behaving like an adult, being a responsible roommate, I wouldn't see any reason to charge him rent.
What I DO see as odd is OPs lack of understanding as to why her son wants to move home, or any seeming interest in the answer. Putting on my pop psychology hat, based on OPs responses and phrasing I might think he wants to move home seeking attention from and connection with his parents. I might give a friend space in this situation, but with my children I'm interested and curious about who they are and their motivations. "Figured he'd tell us if he wanted us to know" sounds like OP is not interested in what's going on in her son's head, even if she didn't mean it that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid (single) who is 28 yo wants to live at home. Failure to launch situation maybe. Making about 125k/year. House is big enough and we are well enough to keep supporting him but i think he should pay. I am thinking maybe 800 per month - room and board all included. too much? too little? or just right?? should we let him stay free? thoughts?

Do not let him stay for free. If he's making 125k, $800 sounds good. If you don't need the money put it aside and for a house downpayment when he's ready.

btw, He's going to stay single forever is he's living at home.

Dang I paid $800 plus utilities when I was making $28k a year.

I bet you weren't living with your parents though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid (single) who is 28 yo wants to live at home. Failure to launch situation maybe. Making about 125k/year. House is big enough and we are well enough to keep supporting him but i think he should pay. I am thinking maybe 800 per month - room and board all included. too much? too little? or just right?? should we let him stay free? thoughts?

Do not let him stay for free. If he's making 125k, $800 sounds good. If you don't need the money put it aside and for a house downpayment when he's ready.

btw, He's going to stay single forever is he's living at home.

Dang I paid $800 plus utilities when I was making $28k a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his reason for wanting to live at home if he makes $125k/year?

I do not know. I think he is comfortable here. Yes, we don't have to charge him anything. We are pretty comfy without his help.

Charge him rent so he will want to move out. No one wants to date someone living at home.

This is quite common among our non-White immigrant community. It is not unusual to see ACs living with their parents while working. Since parents are expected to pay for college and wedding cost of their children, the AC start saving money from their very first paycheck to provide a secure future for their own family.

Realistically, majority of young people are not making 100K in their first job and at a young age. In fact, majority of Americans will not cross 100K pay in their whole career. That does not mean that they cannot become wealthy and be in a position to pay it forward to the future generation.

Most of these young people are making maximum contributions to all sorts of retirement vehicles. They are socking away money in brokerage accounts etc. They are also able to maintain a good standard of living by living at home. Since it does not cost all that much for parents to have one or two more mouths to feed when their AC live with them, no one expects AC to pay room and board. Yes, many AC will help around the house, do errands, do groceries etc but they are not made to feel that they are living in their parents house. Many ACs will treat it as their own house and they also entertain friends, throw parties etc in their parents house. Most ACs in our circle will pay for their own clothes, commute, eating out, travel and entertainment. They are however not paying for food, utilities and rent at their parents house.

Anonymous wrote:When our child lived at home after college with a good job, we did not charge rent, but we had them send $3k a savings account each month. They chose a Fidelity brokerage account. They made around $80k. This was to get them used to not have all their money as disposable income. The6 also put in the max they could at their employer 401k. They saved quite a bit. With $125, I might increase that to $5k a month.

I like this idea. Pay rent to your savings account, and still have to live on a budget some.

If it will help you feel better, charge something nominal like $500. It gets him used to having rent as a bill. If he shows no signs of moving out, you can raise the rent annually. Which again, is good for his budgeting.

I would not treat him like a kid though, but like a roommate. No cooking or cleaning for him. Ask him to help with the chores etc.

Anonymous wrote:I would collect rent but "gift" that amount later when he is ready to purchase his own home.

+1

Charge $1,000 a month. Put the 'rent' money in a safe, interest bearing account. When ready to purchase a home, then gift the entire account to your son so that he can have a down payment of at least 20% of the home purchase price in order to avoid paying PMI (private mortgage insurance).


Your son's monthly after tax income should be about $7,300 per month. As part of the live-at-home lease agreement (make a written one year lease contract that he must sign and date), require a $1,000 monthly payment as described above AND require that an additional $3,000 (or more) per month be placed in a risk free interest bearing account and that he purchase a $10,000 I Bond each year.

If your son wants to live-at-home for a couple of years, then it is an opportunity to teach him how to save and to have a significant amount of cash when the right home purchase opportunity arises.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those with "why" question, i can't answer you because i don't know other than to say it's comfortable being here i suppose.

Why havent you asked him straight out?

Op here. LOL. i don't know. i figured if he wants to tell us, he will come tell us. Just because he is living with us doesn't mean we treat him like a kid. We don't need to (and don't want to) know everything. He seems happy and we are okay with that.

So I guess no adult conversations happen at home either, huh? Very strange answer.

Why is it strange?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those with "why" question, i can't answer you because i don't know other than to say it's comfortable being here i suppose.

Why havent you asked him straight out?

Op here. LOL. i don't know. i figured if he wants to tell us, he will come tell us. Just because he is living with us doesn't mean we treat him like a kid. We don't need to (and don't want to) know everything. He seems happy and we are okay with that.

So I guess no adult conversations happen at home either, huh? Very strange answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those with "why" question, i can't answer you because i don't know other than to say it's comfortable being here i suppose.

Why havent you asked him straight out?

Op here. LOL. i don't know. i figured if he wants to tell us, he will come tell us. Just because he is living with us doesn't mean we treat him like a kid. We don't need to (and don't want to) know everything. He seems happy and we are okay with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his reason for wanting to live at home if he makes $125k/year?

I do not know. I think he is comfortable here. Yes, we don't have to charge him anything. We are pretty comfy without his help.

I think you answered your own question OP. Maybe he is TOO comfy in your home? Does he have to cook, clean, do his own laundry? Run errands? Grocery shop? I’m in my 40s and there are certainly days I’d like to move to my childhood home and have a tasty, nutritious meal waiting after a long day, my laundry appearing in my room clean and folded in a basket and the yardwork magically done. Adult life doesn’t work that way.

Maybe the issue isn’t money if he has a decent salary and your family is affluent. I would make sure any adult child living with me had to adult. So yes, a reasonable rent (20-25% of take home) into a savings account for him. Since we have cleaners, in my hoise that would also mean being in charge of their own meals and meal prep on dinner 2x a week, doing their own laundry, running household errands sometimes. and owning the yardwork. When my college kids are home on breaks they know they know they have to do laundry, 1 meal each a week and cleanup after meals they don’t cook, their own laundry and take turns mowing.

If nothing else, don’t had a future spouse someone who assumes the work of running a home magically happens without them lifting a finger. It doesn’t. And a kid who is old enough to make 125k is old enough to understand adulting includes more than just holding down a job.
He may move out

Anonymous wrote:for those with "why" question, i can't answer you because i don't know other than to say it's comfortable being here i suppose.

Why havent you asked him straight out?

I wouldn’t charge anything but, I may or may not agree to him living with us.

It would need to be temporary and for a specific reason. Otherwise he needs to take care of himself and build his own life.

Anonymous wrote:When our child lived at home after college with a good job, we did not charge rent, but we had them send $3k a savings account each month. They chose a Fidelity brokerage account. They made around $80k. This was to get them used to not have all their money as disposable income. The6 also put in the max they could at their employer 401k. They saved quite a bit. With $125, I might increase that to $5k a month.

This is a great idea I'll be implementing with my kids if they choose to live at home!