Anonymous
Post 11/10/2022 08:41     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
My DD started getting invited to sleepovers at 6 (!!!) and I was shocked that we were a rare family that wouldn’t allow it. I just said “Larla won’t be able to stay the night but could come to the party before the sleepover portion if that works? If so, let me know a convenient time to pick her up” No one ever acted like it was weird, but if they did, I’d just say she wasn’t ready for sleepovers. If they have a problem with it, that’s their issue.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2022 06:30     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
So very common to say” we don’t do sleepovers.” People who do may pause a beat but then everyone moves on and kids work it out how to hang out together.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2022 02:42     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
My child just doesn't like to do sleepovers (or not at my house). I've never had a problem saying "Larlo isn't ready for them, I'll come get him at 10 pm) and I wouldn't bat an eye at someone who said the same back to me.
Anonymous
Post 11/10/2022 02:38     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you got this reaction because a LOT of families don't do sleepovers. I have a 10 year old who is a pretty social kid and has never been invited to a sleepover and never asked for one - she's actually never mentioned them at all!

+1 that’s what I was gonna say. That’s not common in my world. But if a parent were to ask, I would simply say no. You don’t need to explain. Just say, no.
I don’t have a history of abuse and want to keep it that way for my child. Now once she’s a teenager, we can revisit as long as she has a phone.


I don't love phones at sleepovers. Ironically the odds of them running into a predator on the Internet is much higher than at a sleepover. And running into trouble in general is a higher risk.
In my experience, kids at sleepovers don't have great judgement. Prank calls and posting stupid stuff are all too common.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2022 20:55     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
I had a mom tell me once their daughter sleep walks so they don’t have her do sleepovers. They also aren’t from the US. Who knows if the daughter really sleepwalks or they just aren’t comfortable with sleepovers or maybe both. But I think it is a pretty easy excuse that anyone could use.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2022 20:33     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you got this reaction because a LOT of families don't do sleepovers. I have a 10 year old who is a pretty social kid and has never been invited to a sleepover and never asked for one - she's actually never mentioned them at all!

+1 that’s what I was gonna say. That’s not common in my world. But if a parent were to ask, I would simply say no. You don’t need to explain. Just say, no.
I don’t have a history of abuse and want to keep it that way for my child. Now once she’s a teenager, we can revisit as long as she has a phone.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2022 06:39     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“We don’t do any sleepovers” is Lenny if said in a friendly way, and then immediately pivot to the positive thing. “…but Larla would really love to help Darla celebrate that evening! We can just pick her up at x:00. Thank you so much for inviting her!”


The one thing I'd say as the parent hosting the sleepover is let me pick the pick up time. It's way easier to have that transition at a transition point. So, I'd rather be able to say "Can I call you when I know what time the movie will end." or something, rather than having a kid pulled out in the middle, or awkwardly having to entertain you because you arrived when the kids were in the middle of a giant nerf gun fight and yours doesn't want to leave.

So, I'd say "We don't do sleepovers, but Larla would love to come for the evening. Is there I good time I could pick up between dinner and bedtime?"


I like this in theory a lot, but do you really plan what time certain activities happeN?


Sometimes, I might say 'The pool closes at 8:00 and we'll come back for the cake after.. Could you give us an hour for dinner and cake and pick up at 9?" and other times, I end up saying "Can I call you when I put the movie on, and know what time it's ending". Or I can say "Actually we're flexible, what time do you want to come?"


I think it’s a great point. If I were the host, I’d be glad to text after the movie was over, etc.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2022 06:02     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am guessing that your “history of abuse” happened with a family member and not at a sleepover. But, still, I hear what you’re saying.


Actually no- the abuser was a friends parent.


PP I'm sorry this other PP said this to you. Questioning your personal experience was uncalled for.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2022 05:57     Subject: Re:Polite way to decline sleepovers
We are in that situation and have just been polite but direct. No parent has been rude to me.

One side effect — my DD (10) has been left off the invite of a couple of sleepover parties and the girls have explicitly said they can only invite X number of people and didn’t want to invite her bc they knew she wouldn’t be allowed to sleep over.

In general, it hasn’t been a big issue. And we make sure to host her friends in ways we are comfortable with, and her good friends do the same.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2022 05:32     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you got this reaction because a LOT of families don't do sleepovers. I have a 10 year old who is a pretty social kid and has never been invited to a sleepover and never asked for one - she's actually never mentioned them at all!


+1. This is totally normal. My daughter loves to invite people for sleepovers. Literally, my first question to the parent is “do you do sleepovers?” Some say yes, some say no. Any response is fine and I adjust the invitation accordingly. Anyone with some sort of “reaction” to this seems out of touch with how life works these days.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 22:10     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“We don’t do any sleepovers” is Lenny if said in a friendly way, and then immediately pivot to the positive thing. “…but Larla would really love to help Darla celebrate that evening! We can just pick her up at x:00. Thank you so much for inviting her!”


The one thing I'd say as the parent hosting the sleepover is let me pick the pick up time. It's way easier to have that transition at a transition point. So, I'd rather be able to say "Can I call you when I know what time the movie will end." or something, rather than having a kid pulled out in the middle, or awkwardly having to entertain you because you arrived when the kids were in the middle of a giant nerf gun fight and yours doesn't want to leave.

So, I'd say "We don't do sleepovers, but Larla would love to come for the evening. Is there I good time I could pick up between dinner and bedtime?"


I understand why you don't allow sleep overs but I have found picking up a kid to be disruptive to the party.

Just politely decline the party
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 22:05     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
I'm surprised you got this reaction because a LOT of families don't do sleepovers. I have a 10 year old who is a pretty social kid and has never been invited to a sleepover and never asked for one - she's actually never mentioned them at all!
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 20:28     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
Just say no sleepovers. My oldest is a teen now and she’s had a few friends over the years whose parents didn’t allow sleepovers and that was fine. I have no idea what those reasons were and didn’t really care either - just make clear that you have a no sleepover rule so the other parent won’t keep asking (because if you tell someone this isn’t a good night for it they may very well propose a different one) and don’t say anything that would imply it’s their house. Honestly a blanket no sleepover policy is the easiest reason to get out of a sleepover so you don’t need to elaborate much.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 20:11     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
7 is young where its fine to just decline and who cares re overly pleasing other people. you can just say you dont think shes ready and not overly explain yourself. that said, if the history of abuse is your own, i think you should start to explore that now. will you be able to let your child do sleepovers when she is older where you know the family reasonably well, where she takes a cell phone with her, where its a multi-child middle school birthday party and she really wants to go?
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2022 20:04     Subject: Polite way to decline sleepovers
“Olivia is not ready for sleepovers, sorry to miss the party.’

People are very upset when you refuse sleepovers; it’s bizarre.