OP, I understand. My mom is from a culture where visits are all about sitting around and “visiting”, which in the olden days meant sitting at a table for hours drinking coffee, eating baked goods , and gossiping. Her expectation when visiting our children is that she will sit down and do the same with me for 4-6 hours a day, and she spends the rest of the time on her iPad or watching Tv. This was bad when my kids were babies, because she was annoyed by their needs and wanted me to sit around with her and listen to her. It was bad when they were preschoolers, because she resented the interruptions to go to a park (cold, boring, no good benches to sit on, having to interact with other parents <gossiping) or toddler ballet or just outside in general. Now I ignore her passive-aggressive comments about visiting and don’t offer to host, because my kids hate having to sit around and listen to grandma talk or watch grandma’s shows. She used to expect us to cancel extracurriculars during her visits and would guilt them when they need to go to soccer, dance, or Girl Scouts because “I never seeeee you and I flew all this waaaaaay.” She was about to shift to visits like your mom’s, because she made it clear that our house was too loud and uncomfortable for her, and kept saying she would just stay at a hotel and spend the evenings with us. I imagine that our evenings would have been like yours, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound very immature yourself. Perhaps you can read some etiquette books and then you'll be better able to advise your children on how they should interact with their elders. In the meantime, in case reading is a challenge, you should set some boundaries for your children so that they interact appropriately with your parents. Your parents deserve respect, and they shouldn't be mocked by you or anyone else.

The resident DCUM AH has arrived.

OP - you set boundaries. You tell them how long they can stay and what the activities/time together is going to be. Step up, Op

That's annoying. Similar issues with my mom who has a limited concept of how busy after school can be because she wasn't very engaged in our lives when we were kids.

It sounds like grandpa is happy with TV. So that leaves grandma. What about dinner together, then the kids have to go do "homework" for a couple of hours, then maybe a board game for like 30 minutes, then the kids have to "get ready for bed". If she complains, just keep suggesting they make a shorter visit next time.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll try to facilitate more. At some point time snd age will call the shots. There are cultural issues here, too. Things were easier when grandparents had 30 grandchildren and could barely keep track of them. Now the only two grandchildren get an unbelievable amount of attention that borders on unhealthy: one time all those crazy kids annoyed the old folks- now, it’s reverse.

I don’t remember a time when people had 30 grandchildren as a rule.

I get you OP. My dad will come for long visits (3+ weeks) and just sit in a corner on his computer watching TV. His mobility is somewhat limited, which we are figuring out as we go. I am trying to figure out how we can go to him for the next visit, so we can limit our trip to 1 week. While I don’t have kids in your situation, his visits are not very enjoyable.

I get it OP. My parents are local, but when we see them, it’s so painful. We literally do nothing but sit around for hours while my mom gossips and complains about anyone and everything. My kid is only 7, but already over it. The last time we were there, this went on for 6+ hours and I had enough and packed it up to go and they wanted to know why we stayed for such a short time. It’s so frustrating.

OP here. I’ll try to facilitate more. At some point time snd age will call the shots. There are cultural issues here, too. Things were easier when grandparents had 30 grandchildren and could barely keep track of them. Now the only two grandchildren get an unbelievable amount of attention that borders on unhealthy: one time all those crazy kids annoyed the old folks- now, it’s reverse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So they do have some things to do. Homework, playing with friends, very limited chores. So then yes, they should be hanging out with the grandparents some. Both sides need to compromise.

Kids = "Grandparents, I'm going to read on the hammock outside, do you want to bring your newspaper out there too?"

You/Spouse = "We are cooking hamburgers on the grill tonight. Do you & Larla want to prepare the side & set the table?"

You/Spouse = " Larlo is going down the street to play with friend. Do you all want to walk down there too. Then we, the adults, can walk around neighborhood."

Kids="Grandparents, can we come swim in the hotel pool then go out to dinner.?"

Honey, again. Some more. I identified myself as “NP” on my post. That stands for NEW POSTER. I am not the OP! LMAO

Dear "NP", even though this thread isn't about you, your situation may have some similarities in that the OP's family has lots of after school down time. OP may be able to use some of the suggestions garnered from your attention seeking post to their situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids and/or you don't have any after school activities? You are all home every day starting at 4pm? Sounds like you guys need some hobbies & activities

Agree, this is bizarre. What's it like to have nothing to do from 4 until bedtime with 10 and 12 year olds for an entire school week?! Do the kids normally just watch TV for hours on end?

NP. On nights that my kids don’t have Cub Scouts, they do homework, read, sometimes play with kids across the street, help with dinner (or set the table if it’s something complicated), and watch one TV show after dinner. I think your attitude that kids need “an activity” every night is bizarre! Whatever happened to enjoying home life?

So they do have some things to do. Homework, playing with friends, very limited chores. So then yes, they should be hanging out with the grandparents some. Both sides need to compromise.

Kids = "Grandparents, I'm going to read on the hammock outside, do you want to bring your newspaper out there too?"

You/Spouse = "We are cooking hamburgers on the grill tonight. Do you & Larla want to prepare the side & set the table?"

You/Spouse = " Larlo is going down the street to play with friend. Do you all want to walk down there too. Then we, the adults, can walk around neighborhood."

Kids="Grandparents, can we come swim in the hotel pool then go out to dinner.?"

Honey, again. Some more. I identified myself as “NP” on my post. That stands for NEW POSTER. I am not the OP! LMAO

Babe, this thread isn't about you. If you want to talk non stop about your boring kids start your own thread.

OP you just have to take control and be firm with your boundaries and plans. Maybe a compromise...limit sitting time and then keep your parents busy with something, maybe movies/books from their culture?

Or be creative, get your kids some musical instruments and have them practice guitars and drums. Maybe your parents will want to leave early.

OP I get it. My MIL likes to just sit… she’s very overweight and not in good health but wants everyone to cater to her. She also takes photos incessantly which drives my 10yo nuts. I do my best to stand up to her and say you can do as if you like but DD and I are going to do Y. They actually took us all to NY in 2019 but wanted to sit and “ take a break” allll the time. I had a 7yo then… I told them I was going to take DD to Central Park to play and we would see them for dinner. Can u try something like this? Kids and I are going to do X you can join us or we’ll see you for dinner at 6. After dinner the kids have homework.

The things that connected my grandmother and me were back scratches, card games and her teaching me how to cook. I also got my love of crossword puzzles for her. You need to figure out what connects your children to their grandparents.

So, in summary, OP has normal kids with interests and OP has the sit around for a week grandparents.

NP has the kids who watch tv all night. She needs attention and likes to insult people.

Op, what about a simple "no, that doesn't work tonight."