Anonymous wrote:I love my friend dearly, & she is really struggling with her DS & drug issues (marijuana only). He's defiant, & she can't seem to handle him. Her knee jerk reaction is send him away to military or boarding school. Do they even take kids with these issues? What else can I recommend to her?

Did her son sneak out last week and disappear for a few days? I know who this is. The mom is part of the problem.

Anonymous wrote:I love my friend dearly, & she is really struggling with her DS & drug issues (marijuana only). He's defiant, & she can't seem to handle him. Her knee jerk reaction is send him away to military or boarding school. Do they even take kids with these issues? What else can I recommend to her?

It's your perception that it's a knee jerk reaction. I agree with the Mom. If I saw my son heading down the wrong path with drugs, I'd absolutely give him a change of scenery and a stricter structure. And I agree with PP that boys need this discipline and single Moms are challenged to provide it. I say this as a child of a single Mom.

My 8th grade son was a mess—defiant, not listening, didn’t care about school and etc. Took him down to Fork u
Union for a tour during the summer before HS. I liked what I heard, he did not. I told him he would be attending his freshman year there and if his behavior improved he could consider attending sophomore year in DC. It was very hard at first for him but gradually he started to gain confidence and his behavior improved dramatically. Fast forward—he will graduate college in May from a top school and has had a great run. I’m not going to say FUMA saved him but it certainly had a huge, positive impact on his life. He will tell you it may have been the best thing that happened to him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a messed up kid I would not choose military school. I would try to find a nice nurturing environment that is strict and keeps a close eye on the kids and has a strict structure. But not some harsh military school.those can be messed up.


And be careful because a lot of boarding schools have lots of drugs floating around.

Let's face it. Most graduates of military schools do much better than their peers.

Many boys simply need the structure it provides.




If they were girls, th

I agree with this. A lot of boy really need structure and rules. School used to be more structured and rule based. Now it is more geared towards girls and I think it's to the disservice of boys. What we really need is single sex education. My grandpa and my uncle both went to military boarding school and loved it. So much so that my grandpa left his entire will to the school.
- mom of 2 girls and a boy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a messed up kid I would not choose military school. I would try to find a nice nurturing environment that is strict and keeps a close eye on the kids and has a strict structure. But not some harsh military school.those can be messed up.


And be careful because a lot of boarding schools have lots of drugs floating around.

Let's face it. Most graduates of military schools do much better than their peers.

Many boys simply need the structure it provides.




If they were girls, th

I agree with this. A lot of boy really need structure and rules. School used to be more structured and rule based. Now it is more geared towards girls and I think it's to the disservice of boys. What we really need is single sex education. My grandpa and my uncle both went to military boarding school and loved it. So much so that my grandpa left his entire will to the school.
- mom of 2 girls and a boy.

Anonymous wrote:For a messed up kid I would not choose military school. I would try to find a nice nurturing environment that is strict and keeps a close eye on the kids and has a strict structure. But not some harsh military school.those can be messed up.


And be careful because a lot of boarding schools have lots of drugs floating around.

Let's face it. Most graduates of military schools do much better than their peers.

Many boys simply need the structure it provides.




If they were girls, th

Anonymous wrote:For a messed up kid I would not choose military school. I would try to find a nice nurturing environment that is strict and keeps a close eye on the kids and has a strict structure. But not some harsh military school.those can be messed up.


And be careful because a lot of boarding schools have lots of drugs floating around.

Exactly.

For a messed up kid I would not choose military school. I would try to find a nice nurturing environment that is strict and keeps a close eye on the kids and has a strict structure. But not some harsh military school.those can be messed up.


And be careful because a lot of boarding schools have lots of drugs floating around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys of single mothers do better in military school in their teens

What? I'm a single mother of a teen boy. After meeting some dads of my son's friends, my son is way better off with a single mother. The dads are total jerks and I'm not sure how their wives can stand them. My son is going off to college next year. He is a decent person because of my efforts, not some random military school.

Single mothers always think this, but are completely incapable of understanding the lifelong pain and psychological problems they caused their son by divorcing "the total jerk".

Really the divorce was about what you wanted, not what was "best" for your son.

Sincerely,

Son of a Single Mother Who Divorced a Total Jerk

Anonymous wrote:I am a graduate of Randolph Macon Academy. I was a little sh*t in HS, so my parents sent me there. Worked wonders. Highly recommend. I am now a successful adult, which would not have been likely had I stayed on the path I was on.

I love that you acknowledge this.

Anonymous wrote:He has good grades , smokes pot sometimes, and doesn’t get along with his mom. This doesn’t sound like someone who needs military camp.

You don’t know what all the mom is handling behind closed doors.

It’s a good idea if she can afford it.

I don’t know. Some of the behavior can come from lack of parenting skills. In that case, sending them away just covers over that issue. OTOH, it might be better for the kid to have adults with better skills. My friends with challenging teens admit they are part of the problem and have worked on themselves to improve the situation and not just expected the kid to do all the work in the relationship.

But their experiences may not apply here at all.

My mom sometimes threatened me with this when I was a kid, even though I got good grades and didn't use drugs or alcohol. My only crime was being snarky to her. I discovered it was a bluff when I talked about doing ROTC in college and she instantly said "no no no don't do that, I'll pay for everything" lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys of single mothers do better in military school in their teens

What? I'm a single mother of a teen boy. After meeting some dads of my son's friends, my son is way better off with a single mother. The dads are total jerks and I'm not sure how their wives can stand them. My son is going off to college next year. He is a decent person because of my efforts, not some random military school.

As the wife of one of those husbands, PP, I agree with you
Sadly I'm tied right now.