Through your DH (only!), IL's invite your Mom. Or not. If invited, she goes. If she's rude, she never gets invited back. Too bad if she's alone.

Of course your mom should go. We invite my brother’s widowed MIL to everything (how’s that for super extended family???). My SIL is an only child and we couldn’t stand the idea of her mom being alone. Holidays are meant for extended family and inclusion.

We invite my divorced BIL and his two DC along with his parents/my ILs to *my* mom’s house.

Tell your MIL you and your DH have had a change of plans and can't make it this year, then have Thanksgiving with your mom. Your MIL has a big family anyway.

You should see it from your Mom's point of view. Thanksgiving with just you and then you go to the big Thanksgiving without her. So, yes, invite your Mom to go with you to the in-laws, assuming you ask your MIL first.

That would be completely normal in our family, and we’ve done it before.

Anonymous wrote:I would think it’s weird. Do you have kids? My kids have trouble knowing which grandparents to talk to and sit next to when both are present. They just feel divided and don’t enjoy themselves as much.

That is super weird. Why would they feel divided and not enjoy themselves as much?

My MIL often came to Thanksgiving at my sister's house where my parents were present. My kids sat wherever they sat - next to cousins, aunts, or grandparents. Who cares? It was so nice for me and my husband and our kids to have both sets of parents/grandparents with us for the holiday. Now that my MIL is gone, we cherish those memories.

Anonymous wrote:I would think it’s weird. Do you have kids? My kids have trouble knowing which grandparents to talk to and sit next to when both are present. They just feel divided and don’t enjoy themselves as much.

What?! Why don't they talk to all their relatives and sit where they sit. You or the grandparents must be making it weird for them.

Assuming MIL extends the invitation, bring her and ignore MIL pettiness.

My mom came from a big family, whereas my dad was an only child. My maternal grandparents always opened their home to my dad's parents. They knew the alternative was to not have us there since we'd instead be with my dad's family on the holidays since they didn't have anyone else.

My paternal grandparents always brought Christmas gifts for my cousins - little things, sometimes just $5 wrapped up in a giftbox, but they felt welcomed and returned that love to my mother's family. I'm so grateful now as an adult realizing that didn't happen for every family.

Anonymous wrote:I would think it’s weird. Do you have kids? My kids have trouble knowing which grandparents to talk to and sit next to when both are present. They just feel divided and don’t enjoy themselves as much.

How old your kids? And what's going on when you are all together? You describe an unusual response.

Anonymous wrote:On paper it’s not weird at all. My parents come to my in-laws house and vice versa. However, if your MIL will be horrible to her, don’t do it. Go celebrate with your mom instead.

I agree with this. It's not weird at all to bring your mom to your MIL's house. But I would not want to put my mom in a position where someone made her feel badly or acted smug towards her.

Anonymous wrote:I would think it’s weird. Do you have kids? My kids have trouble knowing which grandparents to talk to and sit next to when both are present. They just feel divided and don’t enjoy themselves as much.

This is your fault. It is inconceivable that you haven't which grandparents are your parents and which are your husband's.

Anonymous wrote:She has nowhere else to go as I’m her only nearby family and I’m going to my in-laws’ place. They have a large family and my MIL is kind of smug about how blessed she is to have such a large, “close” family (whether it is close is debatable). They would welcome my mom, but MIL has a tendency to gossip and judge the misfortunes of others. My mom’s misfortune being that she is divorced and has no one but me. I hate for her to pity my mom or me. I’m thinking of seeing my mom by myself earlier in the day, then going to the in-laws without her. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me or her.

Good heavens, yes. You should bring her. If I had invited you and then found out that you didn't bring your mother. I would feel awful.

I would think it’s weird. Do you have kids? My kids have trouble knowing which grandparents to talk to and sit next to when both are present. They just feel divided and don’t enjoy themselves as much.

The OP’s post said that the MIL would accept her mother because she is family. Please don’t show up with your mom without talking to your MIL.