Anonymous
11/02/2022 14:16
Subject: Re:Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Don’t jinx yourself OP! I used to get debilitating migraines when my kids were babies and DH would be at work. Luckily I found my trigger and a life changing medicine so don’t have to deal with that anymore. I also got the flu at the same time as DD while we were on a girl’s vacation. No DH. No car. No help. Nothing. That was fun. Oh and equally fun was the time we all had norovirus together. Made the time we all got Covid together look like a walk in the park.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 13:48
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
I’m a single parent and had cancer when my DD was 7. Friends and the only close-ish relative helped, but there were lots of times I was on my own, ordering her pizza for dinner while I was sick from chemo. You just have to deal and hope for the best.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 13:45
Subject: Re:Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I have 3 young kids (8 years old and younger) and DH works SUPER long hours. I know he could probably take off if I was like in the hospital sick but I worry about what would happen if I am just a stomach virus sick.
He needs to parent. Just like you would if he was sick. If that means he needs to take off work, then so be it. Just like he would if he was sick.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 13:43
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ha yes.
Three options (or a combo of the three):
1. Just basically don’t take care of them. Screens, cereal, no baths, they miss activities, etc.
2. Get help. Spouse takes time off and coordinates getting help, neighbors take them to school, babysitters, hire someone to clean, etc. the trick here is you have to ask.
3. Ship them off to grandparent’s house.
I am not quite sure why you have this anxiety; it seems like an odd thing for a healthy person to be so concerned about. But take heart: your kids will survive!
Not everyone has option 2 and especially option 3.
Have some perspective.
Agree on grandparents (neither are local in my family) but on DCUM, almost everyone has a partner or at the very least an ex-partner. Demographics/socioeconomic stats.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 13:42
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:Ha yes.
Three options (or a combo of the three):
1. Just basically don’t take care of them. Screens, cereal, no baths, they miss activities, etc.
2. Get help. Spouse takes time off and coordinates getting help, neighbors take them to school, babysitters, hire someone to clean, etc. the trick here is you have to ask.
3. Ship them off to grandparent’s house.
I am not quite sure why you have this anxiety; it seems like an odd thing for a healthy person to be so concerned about. But take heart: your kids will survive!
Not everyone has option 2 and especially option 3.
Have some perspective.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 13:36
Subject: Re:Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I have 3 young kids (8 years old and younger) and DH works SUPER long hours. I know he could probably take off if I was like in the hospital sick but I worry about what would happen if I am just a stomach virus sick.
Lower your expectations for the day(s). A stomach virus can knock you out for a day or two. Let the kids watch TV or play on an iPad. Let them eat cereal for every meal. Ask a friend to take them to school or wherever they go. For your 8-year old it's not a bad time to learn how to do everything themselves (with you in the house).
Anonymous
11/02/2022 13:22
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:Picture this- Feb 2021 (height of COVID). I have a 2yo and a 3 WEEK old. Dh took two weeks off work after birth then got stuck on a last minute trip across the country. He leaves. 3 hours later I start puking/pooping (at the same time) my brains out. I had a C section and truly thought I was going to rip my entire incision back open I was throwing up so violently. No one would come help be because it was COVID and I had a stomach bug. I spent 48 hours on the bathroom floor with a newborn latched to my boob and a two year old running rampant doing god knows what because I wasn't watching her.
Oh my goodness. I shuddered reading this. I am glad you guys survived.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 13:06
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:Picture this- Feb 2021 (height of COVID). I have a 2yo and a 3 WEEK old. Dh took two weeks off work after birth then got stuck on a last minute trip across the country. He leaves. 3 hours later I start puking/pooping (at the same time) my brains out. I had a C section and truly thought I was going to rip my entire incision back open I was throwing up so violently. No one would come help be because it was COVID and I had a stomach bug. I spent 48 hours on the bathroom floor with a newborn latched to my boob and a two year old running rampant doing god knows what because I wasn't watching her.
OMG. Horrible, been in similar situation pre-COVID, but admittedly, I guffawed bc the situation and image is so weird. Hope things are better now.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 13:01
Subject: Re:Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
All I can say from reading (most of?) these replies is that it must be nice to be a husband. Sheesh.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 12:54
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Picture this- Feb 2021 (height of COVID). I have a 2yo and a 3 WEEK old. Dh took two weeks off work after birth then got stuck on a last minute trip across the country. He leaves. 3 hours later I start puking/pooping (at the same time) my brains out. I had a C section and truly thought I was going to rip my entire incision back open I was throwing up so violently. No one would come help be because it was COVID and I had a stomach bug. I spent 48 hours on the bathroom floor with a newborn latched to my boob and a two year old running rampant doing god knows what because I wasn't watching her.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 12:47
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:I have been a parent for 8 years and have never been truly ill since I had kids. It is one of my biggest fears is being super sick and stuck in bed and having to take care of young kids. I probably haven't been super sick in over 15 years and that was when I was living abroad.
If you are truly sick what do you do? Does your spouse handle everything? What if they have to work?
Yes, and I’ve also had to drive twice to the ER w/ my early ES kids in tow on a road trip. DH flew to our destination and wasn’t present for either event. Frankly, my now teens have always been more understand (and more helpful) with what became an ongoing issue since that road-trip.
And I have been out hard with the flu. DH was on work travel, and I had to make do. We did very, very little screens with kids until middle school (especially no tablets, computers, etc.), so they got to watch movies which kept them very occupied. My kids didn’t get into much mischief anyway, so NBD.
Even when DH is home, it’s more like he’s on the road bc he’s working. I had a serious emergency in 2018 caused by an unknown allergy. I called him to come home when I regained consciousness. He came home but went right back to work. When I finally felt better and could think straight the next day, I went to patient first and the doctor lit into me for not going to the ER immediately especially after DH came home.
I have learned that teaching kids how to contact 9-1-1 from a very young age is important (though we never needed to do that), and that while having someone to back you up is nice, you need a plan that doesn’t involve other people for when you are sick. If you are too sick for much of anything, don’t drive your kids to pre-K / daycare unless someone else can take them.
When DH gets sick it’s a whole other story.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 12:24
Subject: Re:Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:Wow I'm impressed this has never happened to you. It's happened to me a handful of times. Once when I had food poisoning, once when I had a bad reaction to medication that made me violently ill, and a couple times when I've had debilitating migraines (I have chronic migraines that are medicated but they have worsened over the years and I've had a couple that were so bad that I became disoriented and lost vision).
My spouse has taken over each of those times, including taking sick leave from work if necessary. Luckily his work is pretty amenable to this as long as it's just occasional. And it definitely evens out between the two of us because I'm the WFH parent with the flex schedule who handles the vast majority of our kid's sick days or random days off from school, plus does heavy lifting to fill in the gaps in the summer.
If I were a single parent I'd have to live near family who could help or employ a PT nanny or something because with my migraine issues and some bad luck, it seems inevitable that there are days when I just can't function. At least until kids are old enough that you could just ask a neighbor or fellow parent to help get them to and from school or maybe send them to a friend's house for a Saturday while you recovered. Maybe like 7 or 8? My kid is 5 and these illnesses all happened when she was 2-4, so she needed more care than that and I would not have felt safe just having her home with me while I was that unwell.
I had to look at the time stamp because I thought I had written this! I also have chronic migraines that can range from take a pill and be better to in patient hospitalization. It was especially bad during my pregnancies when I could not take some meds. Aside from one horrible instance where I literally could not care for our child I have generally handled because my DH also works a lot and doesn’t think people will understand if he leaves for “just a migraine”. It’s actually been a issue in our marriage at times but is getting easier as our kids are older. I had a unrelated and very intense medical issue when one child was very young and I ended up in the ICU for a while. In some ways that was easier because it was kind of a no brainer that he had to step up. I hope you stay healthy, OP but in general these things work out even if it’s ugly. I am very happy that my oldest can now call for help if necessary (thank goodness it has never been necessary but I am glad it’s possible).
Anonymous
11/02/2022 12:23
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Yes. My family survived
Anonymous
11/02/2022 12:22
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I had a stomach virus a few weeks ago. I took off work and my spouse handled everything for the two days I was out of commission.
Stomach virus that's over in two days is hardly truly I'll.
DP. Have you ever had a stomach virus? The last one I had was so bad that I had to go to the hospital for extreme dehydration
Anonymous
11/02/2022 12:20
Subject: Have you ever been truly ill when you have had kids?
Anonymous wrote:I had a stomach virus a few weeks ago. I took off work and my spouse handled everything for the two days I was out of commission.
Stomach virus that's over in two days is hardly truly I'll.