Parenting classes

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very serious. Keep that man away from your child. He is an abusive parent who will cause your daughter to suffer from life-long emotional scars which are likely to affect her relationships with others.

+1

wow, you guys are serious snowflakes.

Np, but Calling the guy “abusive” and keeping her away from her FATHER is far more abusive than anything OP mentioned. Ridiculous.

That is not normal - he is clearly struggling to handle typical toddler frustrations in a healthy way. You need to jointly figure out a more healthy way to parent your child - his emotions and actions NEED to be more measured and compassionate than a toddler. It's our job as parents to do so. He is harming his relationship with your child.

Anonymous wrote:My DH struggled (and still somewhat does) with this too. It's really hard and I hated that we had to deal with it, but I love him and knew this was a consequence of him struggling with the overwhelm and overstimulation of parenting. Reading about the effects of yelling did help a lot, he genuinely did not realize how damaging it could be. He grew up with a father who is great and not abusive but has a temper so he honestly just thought that was how you discipline a child. The Big Little Feelings course helped a lot too. I also did at one point have a very serious conversation with him about how it couldn't continue without a serious effect on our marriage and our future. I did this in a calm moment once everyone had calmed down and we were alone.

Mad mom PP here. When I yell, it is absolutely due to overstimulation; discordant noise really sets me on edge and there's a heck of a lot of that in the toddler stage. That doesn't make my reaction ok but it's crucial to acknowledge one's triggers. I specifically will put airpods in with low music sometimes just to dull the kid noise in the house because it's bothering me. Or suggest something DC *can* do, that's still fun but not as noisy.

My DH struggled (and still somewhat does) with this too. It's really hard and I hated that we had to deal with it, but I love him and knew this was a consequence of him struggling with the overwhelm and overstimulation of parenting. Reading about the effects of yelling did help a lot, he genuinely did not realize how damaging it could be. He grew up with a father who is great and not abusive but has a temper so he honestly just thought that was how you discipline a child. The Big Little Feelings course helped a lot too. I also did at one point have a very serious conversation with him about how it couldn't continue without a serious effect on our marriage and our future. I did this in a calm moment once everyone had calmed down and we were alone.

Singing also helps with the regulation of the vagus nerve, which will help calm everyone down.

Anonymous wrote:My DH was similar but not to that extent. He really didn't have any baby/baby toddler experience before our kids and toddlers/preschoolers are NOT his cup of tea. He would fight battles that DID NOT MATTER. Like, sleep in your damn clothes kid no one will get hurt. And he'd be determined to wrestle them into pjs. Or they'd want to lay on the hallway floor and spread all their books out vs reading in their reading nook and he'd try to redirect them back to it. The nuances of toddler world just did not make sense to him. Once I drove it though that I was a calmer parent because I do not push things that don't matter, he finally had a wake up call. Like no, we do not have to fight for 20 minutes about wearing the rain boots instead of the snow books. They're both water proof, it's not too cold out, WHO CARES.

Once our oldest hit 4yo, he's a fricken ROCK STAR dad and is actually better at a lot of things than I am- pretending, crafting, more athletic.

Another trick I have up my sleeve is when I want to yell, I whisper. The kids have to quiet down to hear what I'm saying or they think it's hilarious and we all end up laughing.

OP here, yeah my spouse is like this sometimes, fighting over things that don't matter. He is also really good at playing with DD sometimes. I like the whispering approach, I have tried it and sometimes it works.

If he’ll commit to parenting classes that would be a good start. Otherwise he probably can’t have them alone.

This is not even slightly OK. You need to take your child out of the situation immediately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Handling a child roughly a few times is not considered abuse. People need to get a grip. I was abused as a child.

Having stated that, your DH is having a hard time with a toddler. This normally happens when parents are tired and stressed, and just can't deal with a young child who doesn't listen, which is normal behavior for a child obviously.

Your DH needs to take a step back and learn more patience with children.

Children don't come with a manual. So, we as parents need to adapt and learn to be better parents, but that doesn't mean your DH is abusive.

What a load of absolute horse crap !!!

Handling a 3 year child roughly once is abuse--let alone multiple times.

Your post is the one full of horsesh1t. Go report "rough handling" of a child a few times to CPS and see what they say.

Clearly, maturity does not come with age or parenthood. You all need to get some perspective. Rough handling & constant verbal abuse of a 3 year old child by a parent is inexcusable. Period. No exceptions.

oh irony alert. ^PP called it abuse. I said this is not abuse, but no where did I say it was excusable. CPS wouldn't consider "rough handling a few times" as abuse. Give me a break.

Anonymous wrote:This is very serious. Keep that man away from your child. He is an abusive parent who will cause your daughter to suffer from life-long emotional scars which are likely to affect her relationships with others.

As someone who had an abusive father, I agree with this.

NP.
Wow, people who think this is abhorrent child abuse must come from the most wonderful privileged of upbringings. Bless you.

This behavior is not okay and definitely can cause some harm to your child and particularly if it continues and/or increases, as I am sure you are well aware.

I grew up in a very loving family of uneducated, traditional folks who I learned over time had mixed upbringings of abuse and/or no emotions. My parents were determined to not be that way, but they still spaniels us, had short fuses, got
Angry over things like spilled milk, etc. it took me years, about 37 of them, to realize this is not normal adult behavior, but also that they loved and did their very best with us.

As a parent now for three years, I see similar tendencies for me to be short fused and angry and have even roughly grabbed my child once. Granted he was sitting on my newborn. Either way, yes I have my own issues to work through but I’m much better than my parents who are much better than theirs. As long as your spouse acknowledges and is trying to work on this and doesn’t get worse you can get through this.

I appreciate all the helpful tips for me as well!

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a yelling dad and sometimes feel myself getting ready to yell when caring for kids. My trick is to sing. A real song or one I make up, like "it's time to put on pants" to the tune of "the farmer in the Dell." This takes my mind off the frustration, keeps me from yelling, and sometimes even gets the kids to listen. Also agree with pep classes..and watch bluey together to see different ways for parents and kids to interact. No you can't always be fun and playful, but if a kid has fun with her dad sometimes it helps balance out the times he really just needs her to do something.

Finally, it's ok for a 3 year old who won't get dressed to go out in pajamas with weather appropriate shoes and outerwear. If the choice is that or yelling, I would go with PJs on most occasions.

Yes, singing definitely helps! I have a 15 year old complex special needs child - still in a diaper overnight. He has some behavioral challenges - one being getting ready in the morning. I make up silly words to nursery rhymes he likes or make up a silly song about his teacher. I do this EVERY DAY but it works. It redirects him and makes getting ready fun and makes me enjoy the process more myself knowing he doesn't respond to "ok, time to get ready" or "we have to get ready right now" like I can usually do with my other children

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Handling a child roughly a few times is not considered abuse. People need to get a grip. I was abused as a child.

Having stated that, your DH is having a hard time with a toddler. This normally happens when parents are tired and stressed, and just can't deal with a young child who doesn't listen, which is normal behavior for a child obviously.

Your DH needs to take a step back and learn more patience with children.

Children don't come with a manual. So, we as parents need to adapt and learn to be better parents, but that doesn't mean your DH is abusive.

What a load of absolute horse crap !!!

Handling a 3 year child roughly once is abuse--let alone multiple times.

Your post is the one full of horsesh1t. Go report "rough handling" of a child a few times to CPS and see what they say.

Clearly, maturity does not come with age or parenthood. You all need to get some perspective. Rough handling & constant verbal abuse of a 3 year old child by a parent is inexcusable. Period. No exceptions.