Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to live in San Francisco and saw women maybe ten years older than me who had so much to offer and were single. They were beautiful, athletic, great jobs, the whole thing. And yet every guy I knew who wanted a girlfriend had one, even if they were schlubby, unemployed, whatever. I saw the writing on the wall and moved away.

In some cities the demographics just don’t work in a woman’s favor.

Yes very true in nyc - the men prefer to wait until 33-35 to even start thinking about marriage

Man here and among my circle of friends (all college educated, decent careers) all of them waited until around then to get married, and some as late as 40. There was no sense of urgency in our 20s.

Yeah but the guys marrying at age 35-40 are usually marrying slightly younger women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know 3 women like this. All very smart, outgoing, interesting careers but not all-consuming, were really pretty and thin in their 20s. It’s kind of unexplainable to me, but one thing they have in common is they were all treated like precious princesses by their parents. One was a wealthy, only child, for example. I’m not sure how that affects them today. Just something I noticed.

A relative of mine is in her mid-40s and single. Still daddy’s little girl. When things aren’t right her he sweeps in and fixes them. She had a long term boyfriend her father liked but again, daddy always knew best. Ultimately, her parents were and continue to be overly involved in her life, even driving her everywhere because she hates driving. At this point her priority is being a daughter not a wife.

Omg this is my DH’s cousin. She’s a nice girl, good job, pretty, well dressed but she is completely spoiled by her parents and a princess. Still single and living in her home that her parents helped her buy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This one is easy. They all spent too many years in their prime dating years in dead end relationships.

Ages 22-32 are really the key. And without sounding like an incel, even 32 is pushing it. It is not because women become less attractive, blah blah blah but because almost all the so-called good men (educated, kind, attractive, family-oriented) are married or in serious relationships by age 33 and the few that aren't date younger.

Of the 5 women I know who remained single, all of them stayed with loser boyfriends or didn't prioritize dating in these prime years. It's not fair but life's not fair.

+1

Women living with guys who never are going to marry them. They hang on way too long to a dead end.

This is what I have seen happen as well. It's why you shouldn't move in until there is a proposal, if you want to actually get married. You really need to date to get married, if you want to get married.

I know a few people like that. They are selfish and don't like to compromise, but otherwise are great people. They don't really NEED a partner, but want one as long as they don't have to make compromises.

Anonymous wrote:I know 3 women like this. All very smart, outgoing, interesting careers but not all-consuming, were really pretty and thin in their 20s. It’s kind of unexplainable to me, but one thing they have in common is they were all treated like precious princesses by their parents. One was a wealthy, only child, for example. I’m not sure how that affects them today. Just something I noticed.

A relative of mine is in her mid-40s and single. Still daddy’s little girl. When things aren’t right her he sweeps in and fixes them. She had a long term boyfriend her father liked but again, daddy always knew best. Ultimately, her parents were and continue to be overly involved in her life, even driving her everywhere because she hates driving. At this point her priority is being a daughter not a wife.

I know more men who never married than women.

They just couldn't get their act together to decide to commit to their relationships.

Kinda interesting that most of the examples give are of women. Most of the people I know that are single but want to be married are men.

I agree with the 'unresolved issues' comments from some other posters. I know a woman who is beautiful, in good shape, and has a very interesting job and lots of hobbies and friends. Her parents had quite an unhappy marriage and dad ended up leaving the mom very publicly.

Anyways, it started to strike me how often she would talk about 'rejecting' or 'shutting down' men. As I said, she is very attractive so while this did include random creeps approaching her in public places, I started to wonder why (for example) she took such pride in rejecting a (by her own account) nice man at church who asked her to dinner.

I may be totally off base, but I wondered if she is protecting herself by being the rejector rather than the rejected.

I know only two women who were never married. One had mental health issues. The other moved with her family and tried online dating etc but no luck. Very sweet person. that was just bad luck

I know more women who did marry, divorced and are now single(some happily others less so). however none want to remarry.

I also know women who are unhappily married.

I would say people who really want to get married but dont are rare. Also people who are happily married also seems to be rare. Most people are in the middle

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What traits do you see in people you know who are 40 or above and have never married, but wanted to?

AA women. No correlation to personality traits. A lot of correlation with social class (wealthier AA women I know are more likely than the lower income ones to have married).

I say this as an AA woman. I’ve been married twice. Once around 30 to a white man and that last 5 years. My second marriage is to an AA man and has lasted over a decade.

I’m curious how you met your second husband? Are you both high earners?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to live in San Francisco and saw women maybe ten years older than me who had so much to offer and were single. They were beautiful, athletic, great jobs, the whole thing. And yet every guy I knew who wanted a girlfriend had one, even if they were schlubby, unemployed, whatever. I saw the writing on the wall and moved away.

In some cities the demographics just don’t work in a woman’s favor.

Yes very true in nyc - the men prefer to wait until 33-35 to even start thinking about marriage

Man here and among my circle of friends (all college educated, decent careers) all of them waited until around then to get married, and some as late as 40. There was no sense of urgency in our 20s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not focusing on finding a partner early enough. Many woman focus on school, career thinking they have a lot of time. It's pretty much a 15 year window.

That's not too much time to kiss many frogs before you find your prince. You can prioritize school, career and marriage at the same time. I have friends who married in their early 20s and waited 10 years to have kids.

Another trait which is related to the first one is staying too long in bad relationships. If you've dated a guy for a year after the age of 24, you should know if he is marriage material or not. Some women tend to drag it longer because of "love".

Yep a lot of my friends had kids in their late 30s but they all got married between 23 and 32.

Yep. I met my husband when he was 24.5. I was 26. We got married at 27/28, but waited to have our first kid at 35. No fertility issues- pregnant on first try with both of them.

My best friend married at 24 and has her first kid at 34.

I knew my husband was the one immediately. Neither of us had $, but we had good jobs, good education and were hard working. Now he’s the guy women on here drool over and say they want to marry.

Same situation, met at 25 but kids at 32. And my DH was a bit of a party boy back then but super smart and driven and now the kind that women throw themselves at.

It's partly luck, he could have dumped me before our wedding st age 31 and who knows. It's a game of musical chairs but you have to play it and play if intentionally in your 20s

Ha. I’m the pp. We were both “party people” when we met and married. It’s why we waited 7 years to have kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not focusing on finding a partner early enough. Many woman focus on school, career thinking they have a lot of time. It's pretty much a 15 year window.

That's not too much time to kiss many frogs before you find your prince. You can prioritize school, career and marriage at the same time. I have friends who married in their early 20s and waited 10 years to have kids.

Another trait which is related to the first one is staying too long in bad relationships. If you've dated a guy for a year after the age of 24, you should know if he is marriage material or not. Some women tend to drag it longer because of "love".

Yep a lot of my friends had kids in their late 30s but they all got married between 23 and 32.

Yep. I met my husband when he was 24.5. I was 26. We got married at 27/28, but waited to have our first kid at 35. No fertility issues- pregnant on first try with both of them.

My best friend married at 24 and has her first kid at 34.

I knew my husband was the one immediately. Neither of us had $, but we had good jobs, good education and were hard working. Now he’s the guy women on here drool over and say they want to marry.

Same situation, met at 25 but kids at 32. And my DH was a bit of a party boy back then but super smart and driven and now the kind that women throw themselves at.

It's partly luck, he could have dumped me before our wedding st age 31 and who knows. It's a game of musical chairs but you have to play it and play if intentionally in your 20s

Anonymous wrote:What traits do you see in people you know who are 40 or above and have never married, but wanted to?

AA women. No correlation to personality traits. A lot of correlation with social class (wealthier AA women I know are more likely than the lower income ones to have married).

I say this as an AA woman. I’ve been married twice. Once around 30 to a white man and that last 5 years. My second marriage is to an AA man and has lasted over a decade.

Anonymous wrote:This one is easy. They all spent too many years in their prime dating years in dead end relationships.

Ages 22-32 are really the key. And without sounding like an incel, even 32 is pushing it. It is not because women become less attractive, blah blah blah but because almost all the so-called good men (educated, kind, attractive, family-oriented) are married or in serious relationships by age 33 and the few that aren't date younger.

Of the 5 women I know who remained single, all of them stayed with loser boyfriends or didn't prioritize dating in these prime years. It's not fair but life's not fair.

+1

Women living with guys who never are going to marry them. They hang on way too long to a dead end.