We are functional parents. We are trying hard. I can’t believe how much work we’ve put in that doesn’t seem to pay off. Does it eventually? (DC is 5 and I worry this is where we are headed.)

OP is absolutely right.

To those who are saying it’s the school’s problem for not having better classroom management… you underestimate the challenge. This isn’t 1 kid in a classroom of 25. When it’s 15 out of 25 and it’s every day, you are spending all of your time disciplining and none of your time teaching. The kind of behavior that parents may think is cute or innocuous in 1 kid is absolute chaos when 15 kids are doing it at once.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP

Don’t teach in public schools it’s always been like that

No, it hasn't. It's gotten progressively worse.

It has gotten worse. ES through HS there are no consequences and the kids know it. Teachers are burnt out and burning out. You think the teacher shortage is bad now, just wait. Special Ed is just the tip of the iceburg

Anonymous wrote:The problem with your post is that it assumes these problem children have functioning parents - or parents at all - at home. Many do not.

The truth

The problem with your post is that it assumes these problem children have functioning parents - or parents at all - at home. Many do not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The school and administration is working very hard, but there is just so much we can do. Student aren't afraid when their parents get a call from the principal. They have behavior charts, incentives, consequences. Rules, repetition, predictable schedules. The behavior continues. Sometimes immediately after it was addressed.

Even if you haven't recovered from the pandemic, you have to put the time into your kids, for their sake (and yours). Kids thrive with firm, loving boundaries. But we can't do this alone. I know this sounds grating to some, but I'm saying this all with sincerity. And I've talked to teachers in schools with different SES levels and it's a problem across the board.

I have a kid with severe ADHD among other things. Virtual school was an absolute nightmare for us. I am still incredibly frustrated about the toll it took on my child, my work (I ended up taking a leave of absence and leaving my work short staffed) and my relationship with my child. Meanwhile, my child could not finish the diagnostic process we had juuust started after a 10 month waitlist. My child’s therapist would not see them virtually because they could not participate in a virtual session, yet did not return to in patient visits until 2022. We were able after much effort and time on multiple waitlists to get back to in person therapy at a new practice in mid 2021. We are starting catching up on other appointments that could not be made until we finally got official diagnoses in 2021. The wait time for the only new pediatric psychologist that we could find taking new patients was 6.5 months. Again, hours of research to find this person. Keep in mind we are able to private pay for all of this.

It’s not just exhaustion for some of us. It’s really hard to get our kids help.

Op here. I hear you, I really do. I don't think you're my target audience in this post. It sounds like you are working hard to help your child, and I'm assuming you're doing as much as you can at home, but he's still difficult in school. Keep up the work in finding help, but also keep up the work keeping them accountable at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The school and administration is working very hard, but there is just so much we can do. Student aren't afraid when their parents get a call from the principal. They have behavior charts, incentives, consequences. Rules, repetition, predictable schedules. The behavior continues. Sometimes immediately after it was addressed.

Even if you haven't recovered from the pandemic, you have to put the time into your kids, for their sake (and yours). Kids thrive with firm, loving boundaries. But we can't do this alone. I know this sounds grating to some, but I'm saying this all with sincerity. And I've talked to teachers in schools with different SES levels and it's a problem across the board.

Your “incentives “ clearly aren’t working. Try something else. You have to take control over what happens at school.

Incentives does not work when children are throwing desk in the classroom. Yep, desk. I have a student that will get in other students face and scream at them. Sit in the back of the class and just screech. Shove their desk against anyone that walks past. We send the child out with security every time but guess what? Child is back the next day to f up the class again. Don’t forget the other class that is obsessed with penis. Will show his penis in class, when draw penis on paper, will tell people to suck his penis. Again, back the next day to f up the class. We can’t do anything more but document. Document for what?!?! How is documenting protecting the other kids? How is documenting allowing me to teach? It’s public school, we can’t kick them out because everyone has a right to an education. Keep in mind, both parents refuse to grant permission to have their children see the counselor or psychologist at school. Ahhhhhhh! I totally want to quit, I do. Every day. However, leaving them with a sub (there are no teachers) is worse. Top it off, parents complain about the dumbest stuff. “Hey, Billy didn’t come home with his jacket, you need to find it for him.” (I have over 100 kids, you tell him to find it).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The school and administration is working very hard, but there is just so much we can do. Student aren't afraid when their parents get a call from the principal. They have behavior charts, incentives, consequences. Rules, repetition, predictable schedules. The behavior continues. Sometimes immediately after it was addressed.

Even if you haven't recovered from the pandemic, you have to put the time into your kids, for their sake (and yours). Kids thrive with firm, loving boundaries. But we can't do this alone. I know this sounds grating to some, but I'm saying this all with sincerity. And I've talked to teachers in schools with different SES levels and it's a problem across the board.

I have a kid with severe ADHD among other things. Virtual school was an absolute nightmare for us. I am still incredibly frustrated about the toll it took on my child, my work (I ended up taking a leave of absence and leaving my work short staffed) and my relationship with my child. Meanwhile, my child could not finish the diagnostic process we had juuust started after a 10 month waitlist. My child’s therapist would not see them virtually because they could not participate in a virtual session, yet did not return to in patient visits until 2022. We were able after much effort and time on multiple waitlists to get back to in person therapy at a new practice in mid 2021. We are starting catching up on other appointments that could not be made until we finally got official diagnoses in 2021. The wait time for the only new pediatric psychologist that we could find taking new patients was 6.5 months. Again, hours of research to find this person. Keep in mind we are able to private pay for all of this.

It’s not just exhaustion for some of us. It’s really hard to get our kids help.

All that to say, my kid has an amazing teacher and I do try hard to support her. I don’t envy the task she has this year (or in general) and think she’s doing really well. But yes my kid is still calling out in class more than they should, despite our best efforts at home. I am hoping we get a handle on it; we are trying!!!

OP is spot on.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The school and administration is working very hard, but there is just so much we can do. Student aren't afraid when their parents get a call from the principal. They have behavior charts, incentives, consequences. Rules, repetition, predictable schedules. The behavior continues. Sometimes immediately after it was addressed.

Even if you haven't recovered from the pandemic, you have to put the time into your kids, for their sake (and yours). Kids thrive with firm, loving boundaries. But we can't do this alone. I know this sounds grating to some, but I'm saying this all with sincerity. And I've talked to teachers in schools with different SES levels and it's a problem across the board.

I have a kid with severe ADHD among other things. Virtual school was an absolute nightmare for us. I am still incredibly frustrated about the toll it took on my child, my work (I ended up taking a leave of absence and leaving my work short staffed) and my relationship with my child. Meanwhile, my child could not finish the diagnostic process we had juuust started after a 10 month waitlist. My child’s therapist would not see them virtually because they could not participate in a virtual session, yet did not return to in patient visits until 2022. We were able after much effort and time on multiple waitlists to get back to in person therapy at a new practice in mid 2021. We are starting catching up on other appointments that could not be made until we finally got official diagnoses in 2021. The wait time for the only new pediatric psychologist that we could find taking new patients was 6.5 months. Again, hours of research to find this person. Keep in mind we are able to private pay for all of this.

It’s not just exhaustion for some of us. It’s really hard to get our kids help.

OP- unfortunately there are quite a few entitled people out there who also pass these traits on to their children. Some of the worst of the worst frequent sites like these. I’m not a teacher, but some of the stories of behavior I have heard about defiant parents who think rules don’t apply to them and their children are horrific. And I am not talking about kids with special needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The school and administration is working very hard, but there is just so much we can do. Student aren't afraid when their parents get a call from the principal. They have behavior charts, incentives, consequences. Rules, repetition, predictable schedules. The behavior continues. Sometimes immediately after it was addressed.

Even if you haven't recovered from the pandemic, you have to put the time into your kids, for their sake (and yours). Kids thrive with firm, loving boundaries. But we can't do this alone. I know this sounds grating to some, but I'm saying this all with sincerity. And I've talked to teachers in schools with different SES levels and it's a problem across the board.

Your “incentives “ clearly aren’t working. Try something else. You have to take control over what happens at school.

There's a whole movement against incentives in school. Dojo points, clip charts, prizes for good behavior--parents (and child psychologists) say that their kid who can't control themselves get shamed for not being able to behave and visibly compared to their classmates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The school and administration is working very hard, but there is just so much we can do. Student aren't afraid when their parents get a call from the principal. They have behavior charts, incentives, consequences. Rules, repetition, predictable schedules. The behavior continues. Sometimes immediately after it was addressed.

Even if you haven't recovered from the pandemic, you have to put the time into your kids, for their sake (and yours). Kids thrive with firm, loving boundaries. But we can't do this alone. I know this sounds grating to some, but I'm saying this all with sincerity. And I've talked to teachers in schools with different SES levels and it's a problem across the board.

Your “incentives “ clearly aren’t working. Try something else. You have to take control over what happens at school.

DP. It's not allowed. Schools aren't allowed to do that anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The school and administration is working very hard, but there is just so much we can do. Student aren't afraid when their parents get a call from the principal. They have behavior charts, incentives, consequences. Rules, repetition, predictable schedules. The behavior continues. Sometimes immediately after it was addressed.

Even if you haven't recovered from the pandemic, you have to put the time into your kids, for their sake (and yours). Kids thrive with firm, loving boundaries. But we can't do this alone. I know this sounds grating to some, but I'm saying this all with sincerity. And I've talked to teachers in schools with different SES levels and it's a problem across the board.

Your “incentives “ clearly aren’t working. Try something else. You have to take control over what happens at school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The school and administration is working very hard, but there is just so much we can do. Student aren't afraid when their parents get a call from the principal. They have behavior charts, incentives, consequences. Rules, repetition, predictable schedules. The behavior continues. Sometimes immediately after it was addressed.

Even if you haven't recovered from the pandemic, you have to put the time into your kids, for their sake (and yours). Kids thrive with firm, loving boundaries. But we can't do this alone. I know this sounds grating to some, but I'm saying this all with sincerity. And I've talked to teachers in schools with different SES levels and it's a problem across the board.

Kid's shouldn't be afraid when you call their parents. That type of scare parenting never worked and I'm glad we are moving away from it. I want my kids to know that if I get a call that they are struggling I will love them and help them through it. Not "OMG mom's going to be so mad!". That tactic does work for some behavior modification, but it doesn't actually help any kids, and the kids you're talking about with chronic needs it definitely wont help.

Agree with putting time in to kids and understanding boundaries, but don't agree with parents being scary.

I literally laughed at this. They're ignoring the teacher telling them to sit down and stop talking, they keep shoving kids when they're in line, they keep throwing things, and you view this as a day when they struggled and you want to show your kid extra compassion and love? What, you think they need more loving attention from you? NO! They need to be punished for their crappy behavior and told in no uncertain terms to knock it off.

Op here: yes, this is why kids are out of control, they're not being held accountable for their behavior. I do ask kids what happened, I want to hear and respect all sides of the story. But when you're just continuing to ignore the teachers over and over and over again then there's a choice. Yes I know special needs may come into play for some but not all.