I can’t stand my MIL and I hate her dogs, but when one dies I always send flowers. The miserable little animals mean a lot to her, so it’s a small way to show I understand that.

Op - 3 pages of suggestions. What did you decide?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send a card. Or a text. This shouldn’t even be a question.

+100

It's a tragic situation no matter who it happens to.

Hec, I offer condolences on the Pet Forum to total strangers.


And, perhaps, your card might be a catalyst for an improved relationship going forward.

I was thinking the same. The card could be a turning point. Send it as you seem sincere in wanting to acknowledge their loss.

I wouldn't send either and I have a good relationship with my ILs. But sending cards or flowers would be very out of the norm for our relationship.

It wouldn't hurt to send condolences. I say do it for you!

Anonymous wrote:Be the person you are. Would you offer condolences to your friend, a neighbor, the mailman in this situation? Then offer them to your in-laws. So they probably won’t respond - not your problem. Be the person YOU are.

Those people are probably nice to her and act like she is alive in this world. ILs don't. Big difference on response I would give.

Be the person you are. Would you offer condolences to your friend, a neighbor, the mailman in this situation? Then offer them to your in-laws. So they probably won’t respond - not your problem. Be the person YOU are.

…. I decided to stop. Doesn’t make me insecure. She doesn’t include me in her life, why am I expected to include her in mine? Because I am secure? Makes no sense.

Anonymous wrote:Expressing your sympathy shows who YOU are, not who they are.

So, think to yourself, OP: are you the kind of person who can express sympathy? If you are secure enough in yourself and have a good enough self-esteem, then offer condolences. If you're not secure enough, then don't.

I was wondering when the shaming comments would show up and here you are.
It has nothing to do with insecurity. You treat people they way they show you to treat them. In-laws don’t see her as family so why would they expect anything from her? I can wish my SIL happy birthday for 20 years and get nothing in return.

How did you find out about the accident? If social media, I would pretend I didn’t see it. If they contacted your husband, I would leave a condolence message on their voicemail.

You are over thinking this one. Flip a coin on it. If you are disappointed with the result, do the opposite.

Expressing your sympathy shows who YOU are, not who they are.

So, think to yourself, OP: are you the kind of person who can express sympathy? If you are secure enough in yourself and have a good enough self-esteem, then offer condolences. If you're not secure enough, then don't.