Anonymous
10/16/2022 11:01
Subject: Skin tone question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's fine to describe a person's skin tone but it's also important to remember not to use white as a default. For example, if describing people's skin tone it would be weird to point out and describe everyone's skin tone except for white people.
Yes, this.
My family is mixed Black and white. The Black side uses skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for everyone they describe. The white side only includes skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for non-whites.
When my white kid started commenting on and asking about race (around age 3), my DH and I started reading up on how to discuss it and came across a study they'd done where they had mothers read a book about diversity or tolerance to their kids. All the moms who were POC talked explicitly about race when reading it to their kids, saying words like "black", "white", etc. The white moms used words like "tolerance" and "diversity" but never actually said "white" or "black" or mentioned anyone's race at all. The upshot was that the white kids got a much more vague idea of what racism is, what diversity means, what tolerating people of different races means. And most specifically, the white kids didn't wind up having a conversation of self-identification about how they were white.
That's really stuck with me and I definitely have caught myself doing it. But it was useful to have it pointed out. I think that's part of why I had discomfort when my kid started mentioning people's race -- I was raised to not discuss it. But reading about that study made me realize I need to get over myself and get more comfortable talking about race, including our own race. My kid knows she's white and definitely doesn't consider it the default. It's a small victory but it feels like something at least.
Maybe the black parents from that study were on average more racist than the white families. That would also be a pretty logical conclusion.
Anonymous
10/15/2022 23:05
Subject: Skin tone question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's fine to describe a person's skin tone but it's also important to remember not to use white as a default. For example, if describing people's skin tone it would be weird to point out and describe everyone's skin tone except for white people.
Yes, this.
My family is mixed Black and white. The Black side uses skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for everyone they describe. The white side only includes skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for non-whites.
When my white kid started commenting on and asking about race (around age 3), my DH and I started reading up on how to discuss it and came across a study they'd done where they had mothers read a book about diversity or tolerance to their kids. All the moms who were POC talked explicitly about race when reading it to their kids, saying words like "black", "white", etc. The white moms used words like "tolerance" and "diversity" but never actually said "white" or "black" or mentioned anyone's race at all. The upshot was that the white kids got a much more vague idea of what racism is, what diversity means, what tolerating people of different races means. And most specifically, the white kids didn't wind up having a conversation of self-identification about how they were white.
That's really stuck with me and I definitely have caught myself doing it. But it was useful to have it pointed out. I think that's part of why I had discomfort when my kid started mentioning people's race -- I was raised to not discuss it. But reading about that study made me realize I need to get over myself and get more comfortable talking about race, including our own race. My kid knows she's white and definitely doesn't consider it the default. It's a small victory but it feels like something at least.
Anonymous
10/15/2022 19:38
Subject: Skin tone question
Anonymous wrote:OK I’m the outlier here but I don’t really like when kids talk about somebody having light skin or dark skin. Because that’s all relative to the white person. Relative to a white person I have dark skin, but relative to a black person I have light skin. So I don’t like describing people in terms of light or dark because that’s a relative term and it’s relative to favor white people. I think talking in terms of lighter and darker is undesirable. And it is separate and distinct from talking in terms of skin color like tan, white, etc. if my biracial child were to talk about somebody being light skin or dark skinned I would correct it. I don’t think it’s polite to say that x child is dark. All that does is ostracize a child. I would just cost correct and say everyone looks different and that’s just how the world is. We may look different from each other outside but we are all equal and no one is better than anyone else.
Wtf? Skin colors are literally lighter or darker. If you don’t think it’s polite to call a person dark-skinned it’s because you think something is wrong with dark skin. I would be so insulted if someone described one child as white and the other as “that child over there”.
Anonymous
10/15/2022 16:59
Subject: Skin tone question
Anonymous wrote:It's fine to describe a person's skin tone but it's also important to remember not to use white as a default. For example, if describing people's skin tone it would be weird to point out and describe everyone's skin tone except for white people.
Yes, this.
My family is mixed Black and white. The Black side uses skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for everyone they describe. The white side only includes skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for non-whites.
Anonymous
10/13/2022 23:49
Subject: Skin tone question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Of course. What a crazy question. Are you white?
Of course. Do you not realize white people are universally not allowed to comment on any characteristics like this? We say something about someone’s hair: your racist. We say something about skin color when it isn’t favorable: racist. Sure, this is old thinking, but many of us that are parents now grew up being taught that acknowledging race exists is racist. We are trying to do better so I understand where OP comes from. Many of we’re literally taught that not being “colorblind “ means you are racist.
Forgive all the grammar mistakes, autocorrect. I swear I’m not stupid. 😂
White people taught you color blind was right and acknowledging someone’s race is wrong because they were uncomfortable talking about race. Are you working to break this cycle?
No it’s not only white people it’s the demo cracks
okay repub lican
Anonymous
10/13/2022 23:28
Subject: Skin tone question
Our generation’s upbringing with the idea of being “colorblind” did a number on us, and left many of us unprepared to talk about race with our kids. But the research has shown that when we communicate to our children that race is something we don’t talk about, they are more likely to come up with racist explanations for why skin color is so shameful.
If it feels awkward to speak descriptively about skin color, there are a lot of great picture books that do exactly that.
If it feels awkward to speak descriptively about skin color, there are a lot of great picture books that do exactly that.
Anonymous
10/13/2022 15:36
Subject: Skin tone question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Of course. What a crazy question. Are you white?
Of course. Do you not realize white people are universally not allowed to comment on any characteristics like this? We say something about someone’s hair: your racist. We say something about skin color when it isn’t favorable: racist. Sure, this is old thinking, but many of us that are parents now grew up being taught that acknowledging race exists is racist. We are trying to do better so I understand where OP comes from. Many of we’re literally taught that not being “colorblind “ means you are racist.
Forgive all the grammar mistakes, autocorrect. I swear I’m not stupid. 😂
White people taught you color blind was right and acknowledging someone’s race is wrong because they were uncomfortable talking about race. Are you working to break this cycle?
No it’s not only white people it’s the demo cracks
Anonymous
10/13/2022 14:21
Subject: Skin tone question
It's fine to describe a person's skin tone but it's also important to remember not to use white as a default. For example, if describing people's skin tone it would be weird to point out and describe everyone's skin tone except for white people.
Anonymous
10/13/2022 13:15
Subject: Skin tone question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Of course. What a crazy question. Are you white?
Of course. Do you not realize white people are universally not allowed to comment on any characteristics like this? We say something about someone’s hair: your racist. We say something about skin color when it isn’t favorable: racist. Sure, this is old thinking, but many of us that are parents now grew up being taught that acknowledging race exists is racist. We are trying to do better so I understand where OP comes from. Many of we’re literally taught that not being “colorblind “ means you are racist.
Forgive all the grammar mistakes, autocorrect. I swear I’m not stupid. 😂
White people taught you color blind was right and acknowledging someone’s race is wrong because they were uncomfortable talking about race. Are you working to break this cycle?
Yes. I talk with my kids about race and skin color and we comfortably use skin color to describe a person when appropriate. My children are in DCPS so they learn and talk about race a lot too.
Anonymous
10/13/2022 13:07
Subject: Re:Skin tone question
When my DC was younger, he used to describe people as "having brown skin" or "having black skin" rather than using racial terms. I actually thought that is such a nicer way to describe people - just use factual, physical attributes the same as tall or short.
Anonymous
10/13/2022 13:03
Subject: Skin tone question
I’m Latina, and we regularly describe others of our race by skin coloring (moreno, guero). I’ve worked with black people who also describe other black people by their coloring (brown skinned, dark skinned). It’s very similar to saying, she has blonde hair.
Anonymous
10/13/2022 09:07
Subject: Skin tone question
Anonymous wrote:Umm I feel like this is only a problem for people who are rarely around folks who don't share their skin tone. My daughter (now 9) frequently mentions someone's skin color if she's trying to describe someone at school. Saying someone "has black skin" or "has super white skin" is not racist. OMG. It's only if you attach value judgements to that skin color that it becomes racist.
You guys are raising kids who become those adults who are at a party and are trying to describe the only Black person in the room, but awkwardly refuse to mention their skin color, and it's absurd. "Who? " "the person... in the blue shirt... over there.. on the left.. with the black hair..."
lol yes just say "the black guy!" It is ok. We will not be upset.
Anonymous
10/13/2022 09:04
Subject: Skin tone question
i do not understand why it is taboo to describe people by their race/skintone as long as it's not used in a negative manner
Anonymous
10/13/2022 07:49
Subject: Skin tone question
We found a book written by a black author and illustrated by a black illustrator. It uses the language of darker skin and lighter skin, so that’s what my kid uses. He came home talking about his friend with darker skin, and I don’t feel that’s rude. I’m sure the rules will change in ten years. We will attempt to keep up.
Anonymous
10/13/2022 00:51
Subject: Skin tone question
Umm I feel like this is only a problem for people who are rarely around folks who don't share their skin tone. My daughter (now 9) frequently mentions someone's skin color if she's trying to describe someone at school. Saying someone "has black skin" or "has super white skin" is not racist. OMG. It's only if you attach value judgements to that skin color that it becomes racist.
You guys are raising kids who become those adults who are at a party and are trying to describe the only Black person in the room, but awkwardly refuse to mention their skin color, and it's absurd. "Who? " "the person... in the blue shirt... over there.. on the left.. with the black hair..."
You guys are raising kids who become those adults who are at a party and are trying to describe the only Black person in the room, but awkwardly refuse to mention their skin color, and it's absurd. "Who? " "the person... in the blue shirt... over there.. on the left.. with the black hair..."