The knives are a metaphor

How does your family cut your food?

It's about the knives but it's also the knife incident crystallized in her mind the poor relationship OP has with her mother. That's why she's still upset about it after 10 years.

A mother who would give away OP's prized possession to a mean sibling, after two months in a basement corner, would do a lot more on an ongoing basis. This is a terrible mother. OP tries repeatedly to trust this mother, and mother repeatedly stomps on her. That is what OP is stewing about. And I can also see why she reached out about it after 10 years. It's about the knives, but it's also about her mother's efforts to harm her when given a chance. That's pretty sad. I'm sorry, OP, that stinks.

Your mom was a jerk to get rid of your stuff without at least giving you a heads up and chance to move your things first. But at the time you should’ve asked your sister for them back. All these years later, the knives are a focal point of your broader anger and resentment about what happened. It would be better for you to just address that head-on with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had a chance to politely and directly address this 10 years ago. You are not only an A, but a raging nut job to have texted this demand now.

And by the way? See those big storage places in the suburbs with rates of like $100 a month for a storage unit? In other words, storage ain’t free.

I don't know how there can be any answer other than this.

I think we all agree that OP is absolutely nuts, we just want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she’s just crazy and not trying to be an ahole.

Speak for yourself. I think OP's response is rational. I think the world is filled with a-holes and the ones defending the indefensible -- a family member giving away things you trusted them to keep for you while you are going through the uproar of divorce -- belongs firmly in the a-hole category.

Agree it sucked her mon did that. Especially when OP was going through a divorce and that’s why she needed the storage. Mom should have declined storing stuff if she could not keep it for her. BUT, it is freaking crazy that OP is still wound up about this a DECADE later!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not about the knives OP. The first step is realizing this and prioritizing your life. Knives should be way way down on your list.

Op here: I have little to no relationship with my parents. They have nothing to do with me or my family for a variety of reasons--they don't know my kids or spouse and haven't seen them in at least 5 years. I actually don't have much communication with them.

I can see why. Sounds like nothing but drama and agony dealing with parents like yours. I'm sorry, OP.

I agree and am glad that OP has a new spouse and nice children. 2 months of boxed/taped kitchen stuff and the mother -sister looked at it as a shopping trip. Those knife sets are expensive and what was 400 pre a sale 10 years ago could be 800+ now before a sale.

We store stuff for adult DCs. I'd rather not but it is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My things were at their house for two months max before I moved into my own place. Had I known she was going to unpack and go through all my boxes, I would have never asked to keep my things at her house. Please realize it wasn't actually a lot of things but mostly books and kitchen items, a futon and one piece of furniture (a small cabinet).

So after 8 weeks, you move into a new place with the books, kitchen items, futon and small cabinet. And as you unpack and begin living in your new space, you never notice your missing knife block? Or you do notice it’s missing and don’t say anything about it.

This is on you, OP. YTA for demanding its return 10 years later.

Oh no, I think we can assume that OP noticed right away and has been thinking of the knives and little else for 10 years.

Exactly. It's the second choice I offered. I was being generous with the first option.

The A or NTA options are usually in reference to a particular act.* OP has chosen to brood about this every )&*$ day for a decade. I'm guessing it's not the only thing OP is unproductively fixated on.


*And the questions usually indicate that either (1) it's not the one act that makes the questioner TA, but a total lack of concern for someone's feelings on a daily basis or (2) the questioner is being gaslighted by someone who ought to care about them but doesn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My things were at their house for two months max before I moved into my own place. Had I known she was going to unpack and go through all my boxes, I would have never asked to keep my things at her house. Please realize it wasn't actually a lot of things but mostly books and kitchen items, a futon and one piece of furniture (a small cabinet).

So after 8 weeks, you move into a new place with the books, kitchen items, futon and small cabinet. And as you unpack and begin living in your new space, you never notice your missing knife block? Or you do notice it’s missing and don’t say anything about it.

This is on you, OP. YTA for demanding its return 10 years later.

Oh no, I think we can assume that OP noticed right away and has been thinking of the knives and little else for 10 years.

Exactly. It's the second choice I offered. I was being generous with the first option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My things were at their house for two months max before I moved into my own place. Had I known she was going to unpack and go through all my boxes, I would have never asked to keep my things at her house. Please realize it wasn't actually a lot of things but mostly books and kitchen items, a futon and one piece of furniture (a small cabinet).

So after 8 weeks, you move into a new place with the books, kitchen items, futon and small cabinet. And as you unpack and begin living in your new space, you never notice your missing knife block? Or you do notice it’s missing and don’t say anything about it.

This is on you, OP. YTA for demanding its return 10 years later.

Oh no, I think we can assume that OP noticed right away and has been thinking of the knives and little else for 10 years.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My things were at their house for two months max before I moved into my own place. Had I known she was going to unpack and go through all my boxes, I would have never asked to keep my things at her house. Please realize it wasn't actually a lot of things but mostly books and kitchen items, a futon and one piece of furniture (a small cabinet).

So after 8 weeks, you move into a new place with the books, kitchen items, futon and small cabinet. And as you unpack and begin living in your new space, you never notice your missing knife block? Or you do notice it’s missing and don’t say anything about it.

This is on you, OP. YTA for demanding its return 10 years later.

Have you tried asking your sister for the knives?

OP: Maybe your fear of letting go is due to a fear of being cut off by your family. and maybe you are right, but you need to move on.

To me, the somewhat crazy thought is that you are contemplating asking your sister to return what are, presumably, used knives and a used cutting board after 10 years. This is a bit nutty in my view.

OP:You have too much emotion attached to this knife and cutting board set. My best guess is that you need to address this in some fashion, but the risk is that it may drive your family further away as they may view it as a sign of emotional instability.

Try researching your situation on the internet for some insight as to the psychology behind your emotions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had a chance to politely and directly address this 10 years ago. You are not only an A, but a raging nut job to have texted this demand now.

And by the way? See those big storage places in the suburbs with rates of like $100 a month for a storage unit? In other words, storage ain’t free.

I don't know how there can be any answer other than this.

I think we all agree that OP is absolutely nuts, we just want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she’s just crazy and not trying to be an ahole.

Speak for yourself. I think OP's response is rational. I think the world is filled with a-holes and the ones defending the indefensible -- a family member giving away things you trusted them to keep for you while you are going through the uproar of divorce -- belongs firmly in the a-hole category.

You think, ten years after the mother gave away the knives (which, I agree, was wrong) and after not talking to her parents for 5 years, OP was "rational" for sending an out-of-the-blue text demanding that her parents buy her another knife set?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not about the knives OP. The first step is realizing this and prioritizing your life. Knives should be way way down on your list.

Op here: I have little to no relationship with my parents. They have nothing to do with me or my family for a variety of reasons--they don't know my kids or spouse and haven't seen them in at least 5 years. I actually don't have much communication with them.

I can see why. Sounds like nothing but drama and agony dealing with parents like yours. I'm sorry, OP.

The time to collect it all back was 10 years ago, or whenever you landed in a new place.

YTA because you've been stewing about it for a decade. You needed to deal with it when it happened, and then moved on, even if there hadn't been a resolution.

Yes, your mother should not have given away your things. That makes her the jerk 10 years ago. But what's done is done. Start saving up for a nice knife block and move on with your life.