Anonymous wrote:My parents blocked my number because I called a few times when I had been drinking. I was drinking too much the past 2 years but no longer drink. I am still blocked. To me blocking someone is final. It's basically saying you don't matter we are done with you even if there's an emergency. How do you advise coping with this?

iguess you made your bed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your life together.
Write a letter.
Show up on the doorstep.

Do NOT show up on anyone's doorstep EVER. They have set a major boundary. The last thing you do is violate someone's boundaries and show up with out making plans first. Bad advice.

Agree, but the 1st 2 points are great. An alcoholic doesn’t otter get the damage they nod to others. They are to drunk to remember what they say, and do.. but the people who take the brunt, are not.

Anonymous wrote:Get your life together.
Write a letter.
Show up on the doorstep.

Do NOT show up on anyone's doorstep EVER. They have set a major boundary. The last thing you do is violate someone's boundaries and show up with out making plans first. Bad advice.

Who cares? I'd just keep them out of my life.

Get your life together.
Write a letter.
Show up on the doorstep.

OP - have you dealt with the underlying abuse? Doing so is probably as important, if not more important, than rhe drinking.

I am sorry your parent’s blocked you but I urge you to get your on house in order before you try to repair anything with them. Have your parents acknowledge your abuse? It’s not clear. Regardless, you need to deal with yourself - both the drinking and the abuse. Your parents will likely come around over time but it really does not seem like you’ve fully dealt with some very big, and very emotional, events in your own life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t trust you. The way that you earn trust is good behavior + time. You may have started to engage in good behavior (not drinking), but not enough time has passed. Focus on your recovery and engaging in healthy behaviors. Stop trying to find blame with them and instead focus on what you need to do.

Yes. You don't need to go to AA (it's not for everyone and doesn't always have positive results), but you DO need to work on yourself.

Where did I say I blame them?

I was drinking too much and I stopped. I didn't do anything to anyone and the last thing I need is to sit around talking about drinking or "recover.," I was coping with some intensely personal trauma and in a lot of pain and that situation ended. It's that simple. But now I'm blocked. I don't feel the need to prove anything or regain trust when this is my business. The blocking is such an insult it's unforgivable and it's their choice, I don't blame or not blame anyone or anything.

This post made my head spin... you're all over the place!
You don't blame them, but blocking you is "unforgivable"???
You're the one that was drunken calling and probably way out of control, yet them blocking you to protect themselves is unforgivable?

Your logic is skewed, big time, so I don't necessarily trust you as a reliable or accurate narrator of history.

You need therapy stat.

Anonymous wrote:My parents blocked my number because I called a few times when I had been drinking. I was drinking too much the past 2 years but no longer drink. I am still blocked. To me blocking someone is final. It's basically saying you don't matter we are done with you even if there's an emergency. How do you advise coping with this?

Stop being so dramatic -- they blocked you, they didn't disown you.

For them to go to such an extreme as to block you, I have a feeling you're either downplaying these drunken phone calls, called more than just a "few" times while you had been drinking (drunk), said things on these calls that you probably regretted when sober, or your not giving us the full story.

Which is it?

Have you been sober a year? I would get your life together and when you have been a year sober contact them with your progress and let them know. They still get to decide if they wish to reinstate contact. It may not only have been about the drinking.

Your drinking absolutely does affect other people, especially your family. They’re doing the right thing to block you. Clearly you have issues you need to deal with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t trust you. The way that you earn trust is good behavior + time. You may have started to engage in good behavior (not drinking), but not enough time has passed. Focus on your recovery and engaging in healthy behaviors. Stop trying to find blame with them and instead focus on what you need to do.

Yes. You don't need to go to AA (it's not for everyone and doesn't always have positive results), but you DO need to work on yourself.

Where did I say I blame them?

I was drinking too much and I stopped. I didn't do anything to anyone and the last thing I need is to sit around talking about drinking or "recover.," I was coping with some intensely personal trauma and in a lot of pain and that situation ended. It's that simple. But now I'm blocked. I don't feel the need to prove anything or regain trust when this is my business. The blocking is such an insult it's unforgivable and it's their choice, I don't blame or not blame anyone or anything.

Clearly you did or they would have had no reason to block you. Until you can be honest about how your behavior affected others, much less tried to fix it, you haven't earned trust back.
"when this is my business" - well clearly you weren't able to keep your business to yourself. It's good that you have changed but you did damage others in the process regardless of what you think. You have to own that.

OP, how long have you been sober?

You’ve gotten good advice and insight here OP even though some of it might be hard to read.

I’m an alcoholic too and have been sober 7 years. Still in therapy trying to work on the underlying emotional problems.

Write them a letter and in that letter focus on what you have learned, how you realize it has impacted them, and apologize. Do not go into blame or bringing up why you think they have been cruel etc… that is stuff you need to work through in therapy. If you have an ask of them (i.e. that they unblock you), you can make the request, but you must realize that it is within their right to decide when and if they will unblock you.

You do not describe in your post the impact that your behavior had on them when you were actively drinking which leads me to think that you haven’t allowed yourself to be compassionate to them and consider the damage you have caused. Without this you are still making this about you and your family will feel like it is still about you.

This takes work and will bring up painful emotions but is necessary for you to apologize with empathy and compassion for what they might need to heal too.

I am sorry that you were abused and have had trouble with alcohol. It is true that the problems are your “business” but as we know alcoholism and it’s related behaviors have an impact on everyone we interact with, especially loved ones.

The Alcoholic's lament. It's always someone else's fault. Poor me.

OP, it sounds like you haven't come to terms with your behavior, and view yourself as the victim.

The best thing that you can do is work on yourself physically and emotionally. I think it will ultimately lead you to apologize to your parents.

I empathize with you because I've had struggles in my life that I allowed to negatively affect my behavior. When I look back on my behavior, I realize that there were reasons, but not excuses. No one gets to act without consequences just because they are going through hard times.

I empathize with your parents because my father was an alcoholic who viewed his act of "clean and sober" as automatic forgiveness without regard to the damage he had caused. He had some personality and narcissistic tendencies--alcohol often covers up some issues like this that need to be worked out in therapy and a good look in the mirror.

In short, part of working on yourself means that you are not doing any more damage and you are not entitled to forgiveness.