Anonymous
Post 10/03/2022 08:45     Subject: Re:DW’s haircut
Listen - if you told your wife "I'm sorry babe and I know this might hurt your feelings but I have to tell you - your haircut is not flattering and you look like a Karen which you are not obviously"...

she may appreciate it. She may simply not know how unflattering it is. I hope my DH would tell me and we could laugh and me talk to a different stylist to soften the short hair (if I wanted to keep it short) or figure out something that works.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2022 08:32     Subject: DW’s haircut
Please describe the haircut.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2022 07:56     Subject: DW’s haircut
Hair grows out, OP. Do like a super gentle parent and positive reinforcement only, not negative reinforcement. Talk about how beautiful you find long braids, etc. hairstyles that can only be done with longer hair.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2022 02:00     Subject: DW’s haircut
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What’s the Canadian thing? I don’t get it. Maybe I don’t know enough Canadians.


I'm canadian and I don't get it either. Everyone I know has long/wavy/well-styled hair.

it might be a thing in the prairie provinces (my family is in Alberta/Sask)
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2022 01:32     Subject: DW’s haircut
Anonymous wrote:What’s the Canadian thing? I don’t get it. Maybe I don’t know enough Canadians.


I'm canadian and I don't get it either. Everyone I know has long/wavy/well-styled hair.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2022 01:04     Subject: DW’s haircut
Why can't you just say it to her? If you say it nicely, just like you have said it in your post, why would she get angry?
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2022 01:02     Subject: DW’s haircut
Anonymous wrote:"I had a dream about you last night. Your hair was longer, to your chin, and light brown. It was so hot. I mean, I like your hair like this, but you were just so hot in my dream! Have you ever thought about wearing it like that?"


Some of these suggestions, I swear... How dumb do you think this lady is??
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2022 00:39     Subject: DW’s haircut
It's probably a low care hairstyle that makes her hair look thicker OP.

I hate the."call the manager" hairstyle, but can see why it's popular. Between hot flashes and not having enough time to care for longer hair, plus hair thinning as you get older, plus having less hair to dye if it is going gray -- it ticks a lot of boxes. The only reason I don't have that style is that I look awful in shorter hair.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 23:33     Subject: DW’s haircut
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, one way around this is to say, "I was looking at a picture of us back when ___ "(like when we were married, or 2004, etc)
"And I forgot you had your hair (long and wavy). I miss that! Can you do that next time?"

Because asking your wife to do something she did before is not as prickly as asking her to do something "else."

So, think this through. If the style you like is longer than what she has, say this to her *before* she goes in to get a haircut, not immediately after.

Also, if pressed, just tell her "This is okay but I like the other style better."

My DH has done this with me--he's careful--but I do hear what he's saying.

I do think that in general, "Men want what they married." If they dated you when your hair was long and magenta and permed 80s style, then that's what they still like. I've been married now so long and have ditched the magenta, and then the curls. Losing the perm was hard on him. I try not to ditch the length, but I've also gone gray and it looks good to everyone but him. Maybe I'll give him 80s hair on Halloween!


NP
This is what I've been trying to say to my DW forever. Imagine you've been ordering the same meal at a restaurant for years. Then one day they change the recipe without saying a word and expect you to like it, no matter what.



Oh stop. Your wife is not an inanimate object.

The VAST majority of women deal with men changing their hair because most men LOSE their hair. You don’t see us throwing tantrums about it. Quit being a child.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 22:37     Subject: DW’s haircut
Communication is key in marriage. Communicate to her that it makes her look bad and you'd prefer that she have a different hairstyle. If she communicates to you that you should go f**k yourself, then the marriage is healthy. Because communication is key.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 22:28     Subject: DW’s haircut
Anonymous wrote:OP, one way around this is to say, "I was looking at a picture of us back when ___ "(like when we were married, or 2004, etc)
"And I forgot you had your hair (long and wavy). I miss that! Can you do that next time?"

Because asking your wife to do something she did before is not as prickly as asking her to do something "else."

So, think this through. If the style you like is longer than what she has, say this to her *before* she goes in to get a haircut, not immediately after.

Also, if pressed, just tell her "This is okay but I like the other style better."

My DH has done this with me--he's careful--but I do hear what he's saying.

I do think that in general, "Men want what they married." If they dated you when your hair was long and magenta and permed 80s style, then that's what they still like. I've been married now so long and have ditched the magenta, and then the curls. Losing the perm was hard on him. I try not to ditch the length, but I've also gone gray and it looks good to everyone but him. Maybe I'll give him 80s hair on Halloween!


NP
This is what I've been trying to say to my DW forever. Imagine you've been ordering the same meal at a restaurant for years. Then one day they change the recipe without saying a word and expect you to like it, no matter what.

Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 22:11     Subject: Re:DW’s haircut
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Does she work? It might be professional armor. In general it’s hard for women, especially middle aged women, to be taken seriously professionally with hair that men consider attractive. I know people will come with the exceptions but the exceptions tend to be very glamorous women.

Not really. You can wear an elegant ponytail or chic bun if you have long feminine hair in the workplace.


No you can’t.

Are you really bad at hair? It’s not that hard to look professional with long hair.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 21:46     Subject: Re:DW’s haircut
My DH has always made it clear he likes long hair, which is fine because I don’t really have a good face for short hair. But I end up pulling it up a lot and whits down it’s s lot of time and effort to make it look good. So while many men may prefer a Victoria’s Secret style with long smooth waves, the reality is for most women over the age of 25 that is a ton of work. Which men also complain about (lots of women start dying their hair differently to better hide the gray, plus $$$ for keratin treatment, expensive conditioner etc). She might be doing her best. I think you could try and get her to grow it an inch or two but she is not going to want a dramatic change.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 20:06     Subject: DW’s haircut
I have short hair, and love it. DH says nothing and I don't care. But I will say that my hair is thinning and doesn't look good when it's long. Is her hair like that? Shorter styles may be work better with her hair's natural composition than long hair.

Just leave her alone and let her do what she wants with her hair.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2022 20:05     Subject: DW’s haircut
"I had a dream about you last night. Your hair was longer, to your chin, and light brown. It was so hot. I mean, I like your hair like this, but you were just so hot in my dream! Have you ever thought about wearing it like that?"