Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I was a parent and teacher at the same school. Parents would vent to me about these kinds of things.

Not saying this is your situation, but some things that came up:

1) A kid would not get invited to playdates (and the parents would get shunned) because the kid got in trouble in class. Small things like drawing a weird picture (violent) or pulling on someone's pony tail. Instead of criticizing the kid directly, parents would avoid the family b/c their kid was uncomfortable.

2) Drinking. Too much or too little. (You or them)

3) People going through marital issues themselves kept their circle of friends close. They are holding on to people they trust and worry about newbies.

4) Competition. Some people would have their kids trying out for travel sports or theatre and would avoid talented kids b/c they didn't want more people in the ring fighting for their spot.

5) The scarlet letter. You could have made friends with someone that other people don't like to be around. Join a committee. It sucks but you will get the inside scoop.

6) Less money. Not that you have less money (who cares), but that someone has a smaller house or something and they don't want to "host" a playdate, but they can't necessarily come to yours. Larger group events in a financially neutral place, like a park by school, could help.

7) Someone is creepy. Could be a sibling or a spouse or something else. I have avoided playdates where the supervision is "loose" and some parent I liked as friends, I had to side-step because one of my kids didn't like their scary dog, the way "Grandma" insisted on hugs & kisses from friends, etc., or a brother always wanted to wrestle. Not saying you have that going on, but it is the kind of thing you wouldn't say out loud, but work around.

8) Language. Cursing or off-color stories. I heard a parent cursing in a restaurant yesterday (kid was in middle school) and I was relieved that they had good communication, but I know some parents would be clutching their pearls.

If you go to a lot of events and share group photos with other parents it is an unobtrusive way to connect.

Yes- all true. But there are some people at every school who have friends from preschool or their club and are not interested in adding more to the mix even if you’re fun and great. Some of those people, rude as it is, won’t respond to a text or email. Tell your kid this other kid/the mom are very busy and wait for another play date option emerges. It doesn’t feel good, but please know it happens.

This. Op sorry and I totally can see how it can affect your experience. Some schools are notorious for having a smaller dominant social group run everything in the community and they let it be known that they are friends and their kids are friends and you are not. That can make social events uncomfortable and yes parents should be able to connect and feel good at their kids schools. Don’t shame op.

I just witness a mean mom totally put her back to another mom at an event the other night. It was so rude and so obvious to me and others. I tried to include the other mom but she gave up and walked away. I have seen this same mean mom and her friends do this on several occasions.

was this STA?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How on earth could this make you miserable? You aren't going to school there, your kid is. You can't make polite conversation for 5 minutes with whoever sits next to you on parent night?

There you are! You're the person OP is talking about.

OP said SHE doesn’t like the other parents. When I encounter people I don’t particularly care for, I make conversation when I see them and move on with my life. It doesn’t make ME miserable if I don’t like someone. OP didn’t say the other parents were being rude or mean or exclusive. That would bother me, too.

are you being purposefully obtuse? It would seem so.

OP doesn't like the other parents because they are insular, not friendly, etc. I'm sure she has tried to have conversations with them. She is likely seeking friendship and being rebuffed. Or maybe is having her conversations rebuffed entirely.
It's not crazy nor pathetic to want to make friends at your kids' school. We made most of our DC friends at our kids' schools. We moved here not knowing a soul. Sure, I'd love to pick up hobbies or volunteer work as a source of friends but I don't have a ton
of time for that between my kids and my job. It would have been a major bummer if I felt like I was given the cold shoulder at my kids' school. I'm not alone in thinking this.


These posts about friendship and/or snobbiness on DCUM never go well. Half the posters commiserate with the OP and the other half essentially make fun of the OP and others like her for being pathetic or weak enough to want to make friends in their school community.
It's always the same outcome.

OP--please know that you're not alone. I'm not sure what the answer is besides 1)find a few people you connect with at the school and really invest in them--invite them over for dinner, etc. 2) change schools. Often it's just a grade that is toxic. You may just need to leave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and I don't know what to do about it. It is a great school but I am miserable.My kids seem happy and that its what matters. I am miserable

How long have you been there? It's possible that connections will grow over time.

I have nothing in common with the parents at the school my child goes to and yet everyone is cordial and welcoming and I am definitely not miserable.

Is it a matter of you hoped to get your own friends when you enrolled your child? Say more so we understand why you are miserable, sounds like you are having a hard time with the unmet expectations.

I hav

Different poster here.

The thing is that at some schools, many people are NOT cordial or welcoming. That is the problem. I am NOT looking for my new BFFs or even friends but it would be nice if people who I chatted with 2 or 3 times at previous events would even acknowledge me when passing at the next event It's just weird. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday and have been in many DC circles of busy people who still manage to engage politely with others. So when SAHMs of high schoolers at our school look through me (and others) I know it's not because they're "too busy"; rather that they're just being obnoxious.
Vent over: I have met some lovely people and have a dozen or so I can chat with at events and a few that I will probably keep in touch with long after my kids graduate. But the rest I could really do without.

Not a private school situation. It's the mean high school kids not changing and being mean adults. Why do you want to be friends with people who make you feel bad? You have a few people who you say are lovely so put your energy there makes more sense.

Good question. I don't want to be friends with them. But being ignored and/or looked through by a large sector of a community that you are part of is grates over time and is quietly stressful/annoying. I don't think anyone likes that feeling. I'm 47 years old with teenagers and a high level job. I probably shouldn't give a crap but I don't like it. And this school is the only place I've felt this way since I was literally a teenager myself. I've never been treated this way in a professional setting, another DC social setting, etc.
I know I'm not alone because those I am friends with at the school (also highly functional professionals) are always quick to ask (prior to school-wide events) "are you going?" "will you be there?" Every time. It's like we cling to each others for a few friendly faces amongst a decidedly unfriendly crowd.
So why do we put up with this BS? Well the education is excellent, our kids are high schoolers who are reasonably happy (hard to move them) and it's fundamentally not about us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How on earth could this make you miserable? You aren't going to school there, your kid is. You can't make polite conversation for 5 minutes with whoever sits next to you on parent night?

There you are! You're the person OP is talking about.

OP said SHE doesn’t like the other parents. When I encounter people I don’t particularly care for, I make conversation when I see them and move on with my life. It doesn’t make ME miserable if I don’t like someone. OP didn’t say the other parents were being rude or mean or exclusive. That would bother me, too.

are you being purposefully obtuse? It would seem so.

OP doesn't like the other parents because they are insular, not friendly, etc. I'm sure she has tried to have conversations with them. She is likely seeking friendship and being rebuffed. Or maybe is having her conversations rebuffed entirely.
It's not crazy nor pathetic to want to make friends at your kids' school. We made most of our DC friends at our kids' schools. We moved here not knowing a soul. Sure, I'd love to pick up hobbies or volunteer work as a source of friends but I don't have a ton
of time for that between my kids and my job. It would have been a major bummer if I felt like I was given the cold shoulder at my kids' school. I'm not alone in thinking this.


These posts about friendship and/or snobbiness on DCUM never go well. Half the posters commiserate with the OP and the other half essentially make fun of the OP and others like her for being pathetic or weak enough to want to make friends in their school community.
It's always the same outcome.

OP--please know that you're not alone. I'm not sure what the answer is besides 1)find a few people you connect with at the school and really invest in them--invite them over for dinner, etc. 2) change schools. Often it's just a grade that is toxic. You may just need to leave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How on earth could this make you miserable? You aren't going to school there, your kid is. You can't make polite conversation for 5 minutes with whoever sits next to you on parent night?

There you are! You're the person OP is talking about.

OP said SHE doesn’t like the other parents. When I encounter people I don’t particularly care for, I make conversation when I see them and move on with my life. It doesn’t make ME miserable if I don’t like someone. OP didn’t say the other parents were being rude or mean or exclusive. That would bother me, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How on earth could this make you miserable? You aren't going to school there, your kid is. You can't make polite conversation for 5 minutes with whoever sits next to you on parent night?

There you are! You're the person OP is talking about.

Anonymous wrote:As a former private school student, how your child is treated at school and by classmates depends on your relationships in the school community. Please select another school OP.

Anonymous wrote:When you realize it is the children of these parents you have chosen as your child’s friends, it’s interesting that you don’t question the choice of school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I was a parent and teacher at the same school. Parents would vent to me about these kinds of things.

Not saying this is your situation, but some things that came up:

1) A kid would not get invited to playdates (and the parents would get shunned) because the kid got in trouble in class. Small things like drawing a weird picture (violent) or pulling on someone's pony tail. Instead of criticizing the kid directly, parents would avoid the family b/c their kid was uncomfortable.

2) Drinking. Too much or too little. (You or them)

3) People going through marital issues themselves kept their circle of friends close. They are holding on to people they trust and worry about newbies.

4) Competition. Some people would have their kids trying out for travel sports or theatre and would avoid talented kids b/c they didn't want more people in the ring fighting for their spot.

5) The scarlet letter. You could have made friends with someone that other people don't like to be around. Join a committee. It sucks but you will get the inside scoop.

6) Less money. Not that you have less money (who cares), but that someone has a smaller house or something and they don't want to "host" a playdate, but they can't necessarily come to yours. Larger group events in a financially neutral place, like a park by school, could help.

7) Someone is creepy. Could be a sibling or a spouse or something else. I have avoided playdates where the supervision is "loose" and some parent I liked as friends, I had to side-step because one of my kids didn't like their scary dog, the way "Grandma" insisted on hugs & kisses from friends, etc., or a brother always wanted to wrestle. Not saying you have that going on, but it is the kind of thing you wouldn't say out loud, but work around.

8) Language. Cursing or off-color stories. I heard a parent cursing in a restaurant yesterday (kid was in middle school) and I was relieved that they had good communication, but I know some parents would be clutching their pearls.

If you go to a lot of events and share group photos with other parents it is an unobtrusive way to connect.

Yes- all true. But there are some people at every school who have friends from preschool or their club and are not interested in adding more to the mix even if you’re fun and great. Some of those people, rude as it is, won’t respond to a text or email. Tell your kid this other kid/the mom are very busy and wait for another play date option emerges. It doesn’t feel good, but please know it happens.

This. Op sorry and I totally can see how it can affect your experience. Some schools are notorious for having a smaller dominant social group run everything in the community and they let it be known that they are friends and their kids are friends and you are not. That can make social events uncomfortable and yes parents should be able to connect and feel good at their kids schools. Don’t shame op.

I just witness a mean mom totally put her back to another mom at an event the other night. It was so rude and so obvious to me and others. I tried to include the other mom but she gave up and walked away. I have seen this same mean mom and her friends do this on several occasions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I was a parent and teacher at the same school. Parents would vent to me about these kinds of things.

Not saying this is your situation, but some things that came up:

1) A kid would not get invited to playdates (and the parents would get shunned) because the kid got in trouble in class. Small things like drawing a weird picture (violent) or pulling on someone's pony tail. Instead of criticizing the kid directly, parents would avoid the family b/c their kid was uncomfortable.

2) Drinking. Too much or too little. (You or them)

3) People going through marital issues themselves kept their circle of friends close. They are holding on to people they trust and worry about newbies.

4) Competition. Some people would have their kids trying out for travel sports or theatre and would avoid talented kids b/c they didn't want more people in the ring fighting for their spot.

5) The scarlet letter. You could have made friends with someone that other people don't like to be around. Join a committee. It sucks but you will get the inside scoop.

6) Less money. Not that you have less money (who cares), but that someone has a smaller house or something and they don't want to "host" a playdate, but they can't necessarily come to yours. Larger group events in a financially neutral place, like a park by school, could help.

7) Someone is creepy. Could be a sibling or a spouse or something else. I have avoided playdates where the supervision is "loose" and some parent I liked as friends, I had to side-step because one of my kids didn't like their scary dog, the way "Grandma" insisted on hugs & kisses from friends, etc., or a brother always wanted to wrestle. Not saying you have that going on, but it is the kind of thing you wouldn't say out loud, but work around.

8) Language. Cursing or off-color stories. I heard a parent cursing in a restaurant yesterday (kid was in middle school) and I was relieved that they had good communication, but I know some parents would be clutching their pearls.

If you go to a lot of events and share group photos with other parents it is an unobtrusive way to connect.

Yes- all true. But there are some people at every school who have friends from preschool or their club and are not interested in adding more to the mix even if you’re fun and great. Some of those people, rude as it is, won’t respond to a text or email. Tell your kid this other kid/the mom are very busy and wait for another play date option emerges. It doesn’t feel good, but please know it happens.

This. Op sorry and I totally can see how it can affect your experience. Some schools are notorious for having a smaller dominant social group run everything in the community and they let it be known that they are friends and their kids are friends and you are not. That can make social events uncomfortable and yes parents should be able to connect and feel good at their kids schools. Don’t shame op.

I just witness a mean mom totally put her back to another mom at an event the other night. It was so rude and so obvious to me and others. I tried to include the other mom but she gave up and walked away. I have seen this same mean mom and her friends do this on several occasions.

Anonymous wrote:When you realize it is the children of these parents you have chosen as your child’s friends, it’s interesting that you don’t question the choice of school.