they are homewreckers

Before I share recommendations and especially before blasting on a message board, I ask the provider for permission first.

Years ago we had a tutor for one of my kids. A “friend” asked me if one of her kids could join in and I said, sure! Within a few months, said “friend” went behind my back and got the tutor to teach 3 of her kids and ousted mine from the arrangement. She didn’t even tell me either, the tutor texted me to tell me. The “friend” never brought it up and tried to act like everything was normal. Wild.

Perhaps the teacher had a vindictive person in their life and doesn’t want them knowing what she’s up to. I am an IEC but very careful about not advertising due to the worst kind of low-life I had the misfortune to encounter.

She's extremely rude and really borderline crazy.

I'm the mother of a 21 and 16 year old, and over the years have shared all that we've done for our kids. Even the good AP and test prep tutors!

I don’t share things like this on Fb groups. I will share with a close friend, if specifically asked, and I have permission to shares

The only rec I hoard is our babysitter. She’s been with us long term (5 years) and very rarely babysits for anyone else, and I want it to stay that way.

Everything else like activities, hairdressers, etc I share. I agree it’s a bit nuts to hoard resources that aren’t actually scarce.

This thread is 4 years old.

Yeah that person is weird and a gatekeeper

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I explicitly ask my clients not to share my contact information on Facebook/parenting groups. The one time someone shared my info on Facebook, I had dozens of people contact me and it led to zero actual clients, but wasted at least a dozen hours of my time. So many people who were really flaky or were "outraged" at my market-rate prices. I don't want to deal with that again, I am referral only and those referrals must be vetted.

OP here - thank you for sharing, seriously. I can see I dodged a bullet.

And FYI, if most people can't afford your prices, you're not market-rate. You're an elitist who chooses to work with the wealthiest families. This is unethical, because all kids deserve a chance to do activities or have a tutor. It's a free market, so you choose the prices you set - just be honest and own your choices.

As a parent, I've had several experiences with teachers who only work with the "right" families. I naively thought that elite / expensive = better, but I've learned my lesson and now I steer clear.

Or just a regular person who wants to make the best living they can for themselves just like the rest of us. There is this crazy idea that some people should share their skills as an act of benevolence. I bet your cardiologist is making a very comfortable living doing something that people need to live. We don't value the caring work that mostly women do. Hey PP, why don't you give some of your money to start a tutoring charity so that every kid can have a chance?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure , it’s resource guarding, and happens in parent groups as much as it does is feral dogs and rats. If a good teacher’s contact information gets out to the general public, it gets harder and more expensive to book sessions, not to mention they’re just not such a Special secret any more.

As far as giving info to friends, you could maybe ask if the person would give your info to the teacher if they are uncomfortable giving out the teachers credentials without their permission, but I don’t think that’s the case.

Yep. When I find a good teacher/tutor, babysitter, etc. I don’t share it with random Facebook people. It is hard to find good services and quality instruction, for anything. The more people you share with, the harder it is to schedule appts or get the schedule you want for yourself

no, that is a shameful attitude. People with an ounce of kindness share regularly share resources with each other and with anyone who is looking.

I agree. I think the people who hoard are pathetic. I have a kid with sns and one of the moms I helped the most and directed to good tutors refused to share the name of the executive functioning coach she found. I stopped talking to her and think of her as a jerk. Some people are selfish and are more comfortable with taking.

Maybe they are already hard to get an appointment with? Or maybe she knows this coach is already booked out and not looking for new clients. It isn’t hoarding to not give out the name and contact number of someone you use for a service. This isn’t toilet paper. They aren’t hiring up every executive function coach in town. They use one. Not sharing their name does not mean hoarding.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP. Sounds like you're a little bit crazy and that's why the woman you tried to get tutor / teacher info from wouldn't share it.

Any independent tutor has a right to ask the price she'd like for her services. I'll bet they're far less than the hourly rate you or your spouse receive for your labor.

Yes this woman is sick and demented

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I explicitly ask my clients not to share my contact information on Facebook/parenting groups. The one time someone shared my info on Facebook, I had dozens of people contact me and it led to zero actual clients, but wasted at least a dozen hours of my time. So many people who were really flaky or were "outraged" at my market-rate prices. I don't want to deal with that again, I am referral only and those referrals must be vetted.

OP here - thank you for sharing, seriously. I can see I dodged a bullet.

And FYI, if most people can't afford your prices, you're not market-rate. You're an elitist who chooses to work with the wealthiest families. This is unethical, because all kids deserve a chance to do activities or have a tutor. It's a free market, so you choose the prices you set - just be honest and own your choices.

As a parent, I've had several experiences with teachers who only work with the "right" families. I naively thought that elite / expensive = better, but I've learned my lesson and now I steer clear.

DP, but OP, it’s clear you’ve never tried to sell a service using online referrals, or any service. Heck, just try to sell something on your local FB marketplace without having years of eduction and client testimonials to back it. It often ends up in a back and forth about everything from price, to pick up location, to bartering for something just because the sky is blue. PP is not choosing to work with the wealthiest families - they are choosing to work with the ones that give her the most opportunity to work with people who want to work with them, who value their experience, time, and qualities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure , it’s resource guarding, and happens in parent groups as much as it does is feral dogs and rats. If a good teacher’s contact information gets out to the general public, it gets harder and more expensive to book sessions, not to mention they’re just not such a Special secret any more.

As far as giving info to friends, you could maybe ask if the person would give your info to the teacher if they are uncomfortable giving out the teachers credentials without their permission, but I don’t think that’s the case.

Yep. When I find a good teacher/tutor, babysitter, etc. I don’t share it with random Facebook people. It is hard to find good services and quality instruction, for anything. The more people you share with, the harder it is to schedule appts or get the schedule you want for yourself

no, that is a shameful attitude. People with an ounce of kindness share regularly share resources with each other and with anyone who is looking.

I agree. I think the people who hoard are pathetic. I have a kid with sns and one of the moms I helped the most and directed to good tutors refused to share the name of the executive functioning coach she found. I stopped talking to her and think of her as a jerk. Some people are selfish and are more comfortable with taking.

Are you confident the executive functioning coach wanted her name shared?

I really feel for parents of kids with special needs because there are SO FEW really excellent resource, but my sister is a SN tutor and she asks her clients not to share unless she has an opening in her schedule already. The reason is she hates telling parent after parent that she can’t take their kid. Sometimes they’re really abusive on the phone (the woman saying her child “deserves” a tutor is not alone) but more often they’re just so sad and disappointed when yet another lead doesn’t work. When she is looking to take on new students she asks a couple of the clients she likes the best to mention her to one or two friends.