Anonymous
Post 09/25/2022 09:44     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They can't have activities during weekdays if the parents are not available 7 am to 6 PM. One of you has to pick up the kids at 4 and drive them to activities at 4:30 or 5.

Weekend morning is supposed to be rec sports. He can't sleep in until 11 AM. get through to him that when kids are up, so should he.


+1. OP -- what are you doing that they have to be in aftercare that long? If you are really interested in other activities, maybe you should cut back on your job a bit so that you can take them there.

Pre-pandemic my kids and most of their friends were at aftercare until 6. I lived in a suburb and worked downtown, and I had to budget an hour to get from work to aftercare. So if I left the office at 5 pm, pick up was around 6. If I wanted to leave the office at say 4 so I could pick up at 5, that meant getting to the office by 7:30. If OP and her DH could flex their time that would help, DH goes to work later and handles school drop off, and OP goes in early to pick up by 4:30 or 5 so that an after school activity is possible. Not everyone has this flexibility though.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2022 21:13     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks that our kids do not really need to go to playdate, parties, classes etc since they have beforecare + school + aftercare (7am to 6pm Mon to Fri). He does not think they need any other planned activities, and weekend is supposed to be family time. And, his family time meaning kids playing with themselves on weekend morning and he is sleeping till 11am , and we family may go out to eat lunch or do grocery shopping/playground afterwards.


I have never seen him playing any sports (basketball, soccer or swimming etc) with our kids, and he says because it is because he does not care about those sports. However, he is willing to read them some books, play board game with them, take them to playground in the afternoon (because he is not a morning person), or we all watch family movie together. He calls this family time.


pP again.

Same dynamic here, no talking or coaching or teaching moments. Easier to watch a movie or read a book aloud. No thinking or connection or real interaction needed. Very hands off. We have daughters so I have to compensate for the lack of social skills from one parent. We have created many orbits of friends now in later elementary, but my anti-social spouse still cannt name half their friends or parents they’ve had for five years.


Honest question -- why did you marry someone so anti-social? How did you even meet a person like this to marry in the first place?


NP, but I met my antisocial husband during a very structured graduate degree program, followed by internships and work for a few years at an equally structured workplace. Socializing was very much built-in to both school and work and so it was easy for my husband to appear more social than he was. Turned out he was just going with the flow because it was easy and expected. Only 7 years in did we have a social life that we could run ourselves and I discovered he was totally anti-social. Other things were also masked by workplace perks and expectations- like an inability to cook, meal plan, or structure time off. It happens in certain graduate/professional combinations, which is why I wouldn’t necessarily encourage my kids to meet people that way!
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2022 21:05     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They can't have activities during weekdays if the parents are not available 7 am to 6 PM. One of you has to pick up the kids at 4 and drive them to activities at 4:30 or 5.

Weekend morning is supposed to be rec sports. He can't sleep in until 11 AM. get through to him that when kids are up, so should he.


+1. OP -- what are you doing that they have to be in aftercare that long? If you are really interested in other activities, maybe you should cut back on your job a bit so that you can take them there.


OP is doing enough. It’s her husband that needs to be stepping up here. If your kids are waking up at 8 am, you should be too. You don’t get to sleep in until 11 and then refuse to interact with the family for the rest of the day claiming kids need downtime!
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2022 20:59     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
Anonymous wrote:They can't have activities during weekdays if the parents are not available 7 am to 6 PM. One of you has to pick up the kids at 4 and drive them to activities at 4:30 or 5.

Weekend morning is supposed to be rec sports. He can't sleep in until 11 AM. get through to him that when kids are up, so should he.


+1. OP -- what are you doing that they have to be in aftercare that long? If you are really interested in other activities, maybe you should cut back on your job a bit so that you can take them there.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2022 20:55     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks that our kids do not really need to go to playdate, parties, classes etc since they have beforecare + school + aftercare (7am to 6pm Mon to Fri). He does not think they need any other planned activities, and weekend is supposed to be family time. And, his family time meaning kids playing with themselves on weekend morning and he is sleeping till 11am , and we family may go out to eat lunch or do grocery shopping/playground afterwards.


I have never seen him playing any sports (basketball, soccer or swimming etc) with our kids, and he says because it is because he does not care about those sports. However, he is willing to read them some books, play board game with them, take them to playground in the afternoon (because he is not a morning person), or we all watch family movie together. He calls this family time.


pP again.

Same dynamic here, no talking or coaching or teaching moments. Easier to watch a movie or read a book aloud. No thinking or connection or real interaction needed. Very hands off. We have daughters so I have to compensate for the lack of social skills from one parent. We have created many orbits of friends now in later elementary, but my anti-social spouse still cannt name half their friends or parents they’ve had for five years.


Honest question -- why did you marry someone so anti-social? How did you even meet a person like this to marry in the first place?
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2022 20:47     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
I agree with both of you. After working all week, DH and I both need our down time on the weekend. The kids need something to do. That’s why we enroll them in weekend sports. They are drop off and one of us can sit in a chair and watch for an hour or two while they run. We try to avoid any activities that start too early since we don’t want to be up and out.

Now that the kids are getting older they make more plans with friends on their own. It’s less family time for us but more down time for DH and me while satisfying their need for activities. They are past the age of needing parent chaperones everywhere and we drop off and pick up, like at the mall.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2022 10:04     Subject: Re:Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
How old are the kids? Family-only weekends are okay when kids are little, but by mid- or late-elementary, they need to see life outside of school and home.

Kids need to see other families on their homes, see how other families behave out in the world (eg, going out for tacos with another family), need to see their parents interacting with their adult friends. All this is good socialization. They don’t need tons of this stuff, but do need some over time.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2022 09:52     Subject: Re:Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
How long are your work days if your kids are at school 11 hours a day?
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2022 09:41     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
They can't have activities during weekdays if the parents are not available 7 am to 6 PM. One of you has to pick up the kids at 4 and drive them to activities at 4:30 or 5.

Weekend morning is supposed to be rec sports. He can't sleep in until 11 AM. get through to him that when kids are up, so should he.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 14:33     Subject: Re:Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
It's unclear how old your kids are. I'd give different answers if your kids are 5 and 7 vs. 8 and 10. 11 hours is a VERY long day for a 5 year old.

What do your kids do in aftercare? Some aftercare programs include activities similar to recess, so the kids do get physical activity. Some aftercare programs offer organized sports like soccer or basketball. If your kids play soccer twice a week after school, then there's no need to have them play on the weekend too. If they are just sitting at their desks doing homework and/or arts and crafts and/or watching movies, then they do.

What does your H do at the playground? Does he sit on a bench and read his text messages while the kids play by themselves or is he interacting with them?

And what do your kids want? I wouldn't let a 5 year old decide, but I'd let a 10 year old.

Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 14:32     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
OP, your DH us not being unreasonable. Your lives are busy enough. Busy because you choose for them to be, with both of you working. Family-Time, whatever it is, even as your DH defines it, is much more important than ECs for the kids. At this age. And marriage harmony is paramount. Whenever they are old enough to not need after-care, activities can be added.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 13:55     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
Anonymous wrote:I agree with your DH somewhat.

If you want some EC activities for the kids, you need to get it in during the aftercare hours of the school day. I managed that by having tutors and coaches come to our house to give lessons to my children after school.

They were able to learn Piano, French and Chess - because I had those teachers come home instead of driving my kids to various places.


Ok chief lol
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 13:49     Subject: Re:Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
Anonymous wrote:It's a bit BS that your H wants to prioritize family time on the weekend and then sleeps half the day away. Maybe schedule something on Saturday mornings so your kids get to do an activity and it doesn't interfere with his sleep. I hope you're sleeping in until 11 on Sundays!


I’m confused if the DH is sleeping in late in the morning bc OP takes the kids to a bunch of play dates and stuff and doesn’t get home until past 1 or if he would be sleeping in anyway
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 13:13     Subject: Re:Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
It's a bit BS that your H wants to prioritize family time on the weekend and then sleeps half the day away. Maybe schedule something on Saturday mornings so your kids get to do an activity and it doesn't interfere with his sleep. I hope you're sleeping in until 11 on Sundays!
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 13:03     Subject: Any one's spouse think that kid do not need activities other than school?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He sounds a little lazy and selfish*, but overall his plan is fine.

But there is a big difference between ECs and birthday parties.

His preferences are not a reason for your kids to lack social skills, fun, and friends.



*and honestly, this worries me in the long-term


If they're in school and aftercare 66 hours a week, they have opportunities to develop social skills and make friends. What they need to balance that is opportunities to learn how to self direct and to be with family. I would let my kids go to birthday parties of their close friends, and see if aftercare has activities within the program they can sign up for, but I'd be pretty protective of my weekends with that schedule.


It sounds lovely. But kids get up before 7 according to OP and husband sleeps in until 11am. So the locely family time is on OP for hours every sat am with boisterous kids.