What’s missing in this discussion is that she opened a door of communication for her students. Showing vulnerability is courageous. Mental illness and teen suicide is real. She may very well be the teacher a student turns to when struggling. Consider this OP.

If you think it was okay for the teachers to share about their personal lives at all at BTS night--like, for example, about their livings kids--then I think you need to be okay with this, too. It is surely a huge part of her life, perhaps just as much as if the child were still alive.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it’s not appropriate. The students didn’t see her pregnant and then not pregnant. This is not a recent loss that will result in absences from the classroom.

Of course this is part of her story, but it is not relevant to how parents or students interact with her. Not the same as a major life event, but I have a colleague who is gay. He is not closeted, but most people don’t realize he is gay. When asked he will say “I’m gay, but it’s not one of my top 3 adjectives” meaning that his sexuality or family structure has 0 bearing on his ability to do his job or interact socially with colleagues and clients. It’s part of who he is, but it’s not the most important part of who he is.

It is more relevant to her colleagues and principal and I hope they are being supportive.

I can tell you right now that if my newborn baby died it would absolutely be "one of my top 3 adjectives," but good job outing yourself as someone who thinks good gay people should know to stay in the closet to make you comfortable. Really lines up neatly with the kind of thinking that says "I was made uncomfortable by your reality, I need to speak to the manager and get you fired."

I agree that it’s not appropriate. The students didn’t see her pregnant and then not pregnant. This is not a recent loss that will result in absences from the classroom.

Of course this is part of her story, but it is not relevant to how parents or students interact with her. Not the same as a major life event, but I have a colleague who is gay. He is not closeted, but most people don’t realize he is gay. When asked he will say “I’m gay, but it’s not one of my top 3 adjectives” meaning that his sexuality or family structure has 0 bearing on his ability to do his job or interact socially with colleagues and clients. It’s part of who he is, but it’s not the most important part of who he is.

It is more relevant to her colleagues and principal and I hope they are being supportive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please tell us what you would say to administration.

It’s not the photo or telling us about a loss that was necessarily wrong or inappropriate. Is that she’s leaning on students for support.
They are seventh graders, not grief counselors.

How does having a picture of her baby and telling the students she died = grief counseling?
Hint: it doesn’t

You want to tell on her? You're a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please tell us what you would say to administration.

It’s not the photo or telling us about a loss that was necessarily wrong or inappropriate. Is that she’s leaning on students for support.
They are seventh graders, not grief counselors.

She is not leaning on them for grief counselling, you silly goose! She is just sharing a bit of her personal life and who she is. That's all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m okay with it b/c it’s in context. If she shared it during the instructional day, then that would be iffy. Regardless, I wouldn’t say anything about a middle school teacher sharing this info.

She did, that’s why I found it odd.
I think if she had told us that the students were understanding and caring, it wouldn’t have raised a red flag with me. It was calling the student supportive that made me think it was odd.
But I see most people think I’m an uncaring witch so I will keep my mouth shut.

Way to nitpick word choices. "Supportive" can MEAN "understanding and caring."

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with BTSN and everything to do with what goes on in the classroom. I have no idea how you got from “the students are being supportive” to “the teacher is leaning on the students for support” (that makes you sound totally nuts), but if the teacher is regularly breaking down in class, making the kids comfort her, etc., you can talk with administration. Otherwise, absolutely not. I think the former is unlikely and you are probably just weird and nuts though.

Same here. If the teacher is regularly crying in class and making the kids comfort her, you are going to hear about it. And that would be a problem. But nothing you said indicates that is happening. I think you're upset that someone talked about something sad and it made you uncomfortable and you are projecting that discomfort onto the kids (who are probably less bothered by it than you are) because "Won't someone think of the CHILDREN?" feels morally better than "I am uncomfortable with death and loss and grief."

Anonymous wrote:Most insensitive post I've ever read here, and that's saying a LOT.

+1000

I truly think that outside of the racist or explicit posts, this post has got to be a new DCUM low. Congrats OP, you won.

Anonymous wrote:I’m okay with it b/c it’s in context. If she shared it during the instructional day, then that would be iffy. Regardless, I wouldn’t say anything about a middle school teacher sharing this info.

She did, that’s why I found it odd.
I think if she had told us that the students were understanding and caring, it wouldn’t have raised a red flag with me. It was calling the student supportive that made me think it was odd.
But I see most people think I’m an uncaring witch so I will keep my mouth shut.

Sometimes I just can’t believe what I read on these forums! Op, yta.

It's a huge part of her life story. She felt like that was important to know so I defer to the teacher

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please tell us what you would say to administration.

It’s not the photo or telling us about a loss that was necessarily wrong or inappropriate. Is that she’s leaning on students for support.
They are seventh graders, not grief counselors.

This. You all want to beat on OP, but it was inappropriate.

I call sock puppeting. ^^^^


The teacher shared a life experience that thousands of children and families go through every single day. You have no idea what parent or child in the room emailed her afterwards, shared their own story, and thanked her for being an ally.

Be glad and grateful you can't relate to the teacher. God forbid you are ever in the position to understand what having infant loss as a part of your story is like.

By the way, before you shine your badge Officer Overshare there is an entire website dedicated to best practices when it comes to childhood trauma, specifically with resources regarding addressing and supporting families that have experienced infant loss and sibling loss.


https://www.nctsn.org/


Your school is definitely better for having a resource that these families may be able to relate to and feel supported by. I really hope you choose to back up on any thoughts you may have on gossiping about this or mischaracterizing the teacher's reputation within your school community.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please tell us what you would say to administration.

It’s not the photo or telling us about a loss that was necessarily wrong or inappropriate. Is that she’s leaning on students for support.
They are seventh graders, not grief counselors.

This. You all want to beat on OP, but it was inappropriate.

+1

I feel bad for the teacher, but kids these days have enough problems.

Like moms devoid of human empathy.

+1000. Sociopathic behavior.