For us it was also financial. We want to pay for all of our kids to attend college debt free, as well as be able to pay for weddings and help with their first house. We ALSO want to save for a very comfortable retirement for us, so in order to do all of those things, we had to stop resetting the clock at some point. We have two and I do not feel like someone is "missing" at the dinner table.

Anonymous wrote:I had a surprise at age 44. It’s been great. DH and I laugh that he keeps us young (and it truly seems to be the case). No issues with the pg or after. Although I was shocked when I found out we now can’t imagine life without him.

There are no surprise preganancies.

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, my practice says no kids after 40

100%. And OP already has children.

You cannot predict the future, OP, so you can’t worry about when you or your spouse will pass away (as other posters have brought up). Maybe this would be a different argument if one parent was close to 60. But, 43 is not old. I am 45 now and I absolutely feel like we could do it again with no issue. I had my youngest at 40.

A previous poster mentioned care/management for parents being exhausting later in life. I work full-time from home with two children in ES and also care for my elderly mother. I do not find anything about my life exhausting. I think it all comes down to personality. If you are calm and can roll with the punches, I say do it!

I was 40 when my last was born and it’s totally fine.

I think the level of exhaustion you will feel really depends on you. Are you healthy? Active? For me personally, I don’t feel any more exhausted than I did in my 30s. But I’ve been active and healthy my whole life.

Same with aging parents. Yes, some die in their sixties and some live to their 80s and 90s. More important than when a PP’s parent died is your own family history. My dad didn’t have kids until his forties. He’s now watching his grandkids graduate college at the ripe old age of 90.

There’s no guarantees in life - we all could die tomorrow. But certainly I’d look at your own lifestyle, family history, etc. in my decision. Good luck to you!

Anonymous wrote:I just can't help but look around the dinner table thinking ... we're not all here yet.

If that makes ANY sense at all.

Thanks for posting that. As a 50 year old with a 6 year old, I see fullness and am not missing anything. A really perceptive way to frame this. Thanks for saying it.

Anonymous wrote:^ I hope you’re the same person who keeps posting this theme over and over. As a 42-year old, I just don’t want it to be true!

NP. It isn’t true for me or my 50+ friends - although none of us have young children; the demands of a newborn/young children are intense - I found it exhausting in my 30s!

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor had a child at 46 - her first. So, she's 54 with a 2nd grader and will be 64 when that child is a senior in high school. While they are happy, those numbers would make me think hard about the long-term implications of your deicsion to have a baby at 43.

I never get the people who do the math like this. What does it mean to you to be 54 with a 2nd grader? Or 64 with a child who is a senior? Is that any more shocking than being, say, 50 with a second grader? Or being 60 when your child is a senior in high school? 54 and 60 both feel eons away to me. I’m 44, so they aren’t! My daughter is in kindergarten. I think I’m supposed to be so shocked at those ages that I would never consider having a baby at an advanced age, but that math never works on me. Had my one and only child at 39. I’m not having more because I feel old enough NOW, thank you, but not because 60 sounds too old to have a high school kid.

^^^mine is a high school sophomore now, teen years have been great so far. Older siblings have helped pave the way too.

I had a surprise at age 44. It’s been great. DH and I laugh that he keeps us young (and it truly seems to be the case). No issues with the pg or after. Although I was shocked when I found out we now can’t imagine life without him.

Anonymous wrote:1st (an only) at 43. Close monitoring; induced at 39 weeks; water broke the morning I was scheduled to be induced so it worked out. In labor for 22 hours - uncomplicated delivery. Baby is an absolute joy!

It’s not the babyhood that’s the issue - it’s the teens and beyond.

Like another poster said, my mom passed away in her early 60’s. I’m glad I was 38 and not 18.

1st (an only) at 43. Close monitoring; induced at 39 weeks; water broke the morning I was scheduled to be induced so it worked out. In labor for 22 hours - uncomplicated delivery. Baby is an absolute joy!

I think the other pros and cons have been mentioned:

Pros: bigger family, cute baby, love of a new kid, nurturing a human life.
Cons: Age of parent to sustain caregiving for 18 more years, finances, age-related child development changes

Like another poster mentioned, there is some sadness when a woman realizes that she can no longer have kids for whatever reason.

Also consider that you may be having the challenges of disease and old age right when your child is in the throes of career building and parenting. I have an empty nest at 50 and the management of my senior parents who don’t even live here is exhausting both mentally and physically.

Go for it, OP! I had kids in my 40s and I love every minute of it.