We set it up so we paid our mortgage to my mom and step-father. They used the lowest legal interest rate. The idea was that if we were going to pay a mortgage, let's keep the money in the family, and we'd get it back one day anyways as an inheritance.

So grateful for them. Obviously this kind of set up is for adult kids who are both financially literate and have secure jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents basically paid my way through life into early adulthood. School (no loans), cars (no car note), and gave me down payment for my first house. A lot of people assume if you do that for your kids, they’ll be irresponsible, but quite the opposite. Also, life is so expensive now, so in reality, it was merely a head start. I make decent/good money as an attorney, but I’m not filthy rich on my own…yet. I live on a budget, and my parents still offer to help me, but I try to do most things on my own. I’ve saved but have been impacted by 401k and stock market like everyone else. I’m thankful for my parents and will care for them in old age, even though they did long term care. I won’t let them go to a nursing home.

Merely a head start? Damn, at least own your privilege.

“Life is so expensive now” is a lesson in A) is it that way all over the country? B) do I HAVE to live here and if so, do I WANT to live in a way that requires me to have to take from others?

Good that your parents have long term care. My father was oblivious to all of it and even joked that ‘we can pay for everything’ and now end a month with $45 or less in their account, have decimated their savings, and refuse to move out of their home because “they like it there” but can’t even afford to insure it. Furthermore, when you are paying 20K plus for round the clock care for parents with physical limitations, talk to me again about a nursing home/assisted living (which, btw, assisted living means paying 8K for 45 minutes/day)

What do you mean that "assisted living means paying 8K for 45 minutes/day"?

I assume you mean it's expensive? It is, but not that expensive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents basically paid my way through life into early adulthood. School (no loans), cars (no car note), and gave me down payment for my first house. A lot of people assume if you do that for your kids, they’ll be irresponsible, but quite the opposite. Also, life is so expensive now, so in reality, it was merely a head start. I make decent/good money as an attorney, but I’m not filthy rich on my own…yet. I live on a budget, and my parents still offer to help me, but I try to do most things on my own. I’ve saved but have been impacted by 401k and stock market like everyone else. I’m thankful for my parents and will care for them in old age, even though they did long term care. I won’t let them go to a nursing home.

Merely a head start? Damn, at least own your privilege.

“Life is so expensive now” is a lesson in A) is it that way all over the country? B) do I HAVE to live here and if so, do I WANT to live in a way that requires me to have to take from others?

Good that your parents have long term care. My father was oblivious to all of it and even joked that ‘we can pay for everything’ and now end a month with $45 or less in their account, have decimated their savings, and refuse to move out of their home because “they like it there” but can’t even afford to insure it. Furthermore, when you are paying 20K plus for round the clock care for parents with physical limitations, talk to me again about a nursing home/assisted living (which, btw, assisted living means paying 8K for 45 minutes/day)

Anonymous wrote:My parents gifted me a large portion of the downpayment for my first home. It was such a blessing and set me up down the road to be able to climb the property ladder and afford bigger and better when the time came.

If I were to do similar for my children down the road, I would get them a duplex or 2+ bedroom place where someone else could pay a large portion of the mortgage.

Thought about doing this, but if I did, my kids would not understand how ridiculously expensive the DC area is compared to the rest of the country. I want them to explore this as it’s so important politically. Also, there will be choices - do you want the big wedding, or a smaller one and some $$. Either is fine by me. You want a 200 person wedding? What’s the budget and how can we accommodate that? I know a lot of young people living in luxury condos/townhomes/homes that are well beyond their means and they have no clue how to establish themselves on their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our in-laws lent us down payment for our first house and had us sign papers it was loan. Our bad in that there were no specific terms discussed other than don’t repay until
You can refi after appreciation. When we refinanced two years later and asked amount to repay they decided it was only fair to calculate ‘what they would have gotten if that money had been invested’ - calculated using an above market return. Again - our bad we didn’t get details. Foolishly assumed they’d match market mortgage rate or honestly give us a deal. (They are very well off.)! Yes - helped us get foot in door on nicer house than we could have afforded but left really bad feelings in my mind. DH not phased but I would not use my kids as easy marks to make $$$. In the end we would have done better getting lesser house at good mortgage and cashed in equity and moved.

Right after the wedding, my mother and father in-law, bought DH and I a brand new 2M+ SFH and they paid off the mortgage in cash. We only have to pay the property tax on the house. They are such wonderful people. They also gave us 500k for DH and I to start our new life together. Not that it makes any difference but I am white and DH is asian. They always treat me as if I am their own daughter.

This is pretty typical in Asian families. My parents (mom is Asian) gave us a down payment on our house. They aren’t wealthy, but comfortable. My very wealthy uncle built all four of his kids houses. On land he owned and then gifted them when they married. My aunt built her only daughter a house.

Early retired big law partner here. I did this twice.

One of my kids had just started a job that paid plenty enough to afford a mortgage on the condo they wanted, but didn’t have a long enough work history to qualify for a conventional mortgage, so I bought the place all cash before giving them a mortgage through National Family Mortgage. This is the website: https://www.nationalfamilymortgage.com/. It’s a company that specializes in “intra-family” mortgages where everything is on the up and up. Eventually my kid refinanced into a conventional mortgage through a professional lender and paid off the mortgage that I provided.

More recently, with a second kid, I bought a house a rented it to them and their spouse at full market rent. I pay the mortgage and utilities and write off these expenses against the rental income. Again, we are talking about a completely arms length transaction. When they are ready to move on, we will very likely just sell the place.

The down payment on my first house came from my father.

Unfortunately, it was inherited after his death.

I would have rather paid my own way and had my dad longer.

I think many of you grew up with wealthier families. Even so, I am very privileged. My parents gave 5k towards my down payment when I bought my first townhouse and actually had come into a little inheritance and so gifted us another 5k less than a year later. We've been gifted 1k a few times and that has helped.

I am not sure I will have the funds to fully cover college for my two kids nor will I be able to buy them homes. We just aren't that wealthy. I will inherit probably around $300,000 someday and I will use some of that to help my kids. It could be 20 years before I receive that money.

Anonymous wrote:My parents basically paid my way through life into early adulthood. School (no loans), cars (no car note), and gave me down payment for my first house. A lot of people assume if you do that for your kids, they’ll be irresponsible, but quite the opposite. Also, life is so expensive now, so in reality, it was merely a head start. I make decent/good money as an attorney, but I’m not filthy rich on my own…yet. I live on a budget, and my parents still offer to help me, but I try to do most things on my own. I’ve saved but have been impacted by 401k and stock market like everyone else. I’m thankful for my parents and will care for them in old age, even though they did long term care. I won’t let them go to a nursing home.

Merely a head start? Damn, at least own your privilege.

Anonymous wrote:My parents basically paid my way through life into early adulthood. School (no loans), cars (no car note), and gave me down payment for my first house. A lot of people assume if you do that for your kids, they’ll be irresponsible, but quite the opposite. Also, life is so expensive now, so in reality, it was merely a head start. I make decent/good money as an attorney, but I’m not filthy rich on my own…yet. I live on a budget, and my parents still offer to help me, but I try to do most things on my own. I’ve saved but have been impacted by 401k and stock market like everyone else. I’m thankful for my parents and will care for them in old age, even though they did long term care. I won’t let them go to a nursing home.

have you ever taken care of someone with Alzheimer's? My parents did similar things for me as your parents did for you but my mom is in assisted living now. There is really no better option. We tried having her live at home with aides, it did not work well - she was just too much work for whoever was on duty.

I am hoping to buy a townhouse for my daughter to live in when she graduates from college. I figure if I buy a 3 or 4 bedroom place, she can have roommates and they can pay the mortgage essentially. When she is ready for grad school, she can either live in the place and attend school locally, we can sell it to help pay for grad school, or keep it as a rental and decide what to do with it later.