This is rare DCUM consensus. Or near consensus.

We all must know, what was the “one thing”? This is anonymous board nobody will know who you are come on, spill beans!

Anonymous wrote:I had a phone interview with someone for our nanny position who seemed great. She came to our house for an in-person interview and we really liked her. Then, one aspect of the job wasn’t appealing to her and she told us right there in the interview while holding our baby that she was no longer interested in our job because of that one aspect. Then it was so awkward!! She had to hand us back our baby, gather her things, and leave while making really uncomfortable small talk.

Why didn’t she wait and decline the job when offered in email or on the phone?! You don’t do it during the interview in the person’s home to their face!!!

At least she gave you back your baby.

I wonder whether the OP was insulted by the refusal from someone who was holding her child and took the rejection as a rejection of her child while stating another reason.

Reminds me of a Seinfeld episode about friends who had a new baby.

Man, I really want OP to come defend whatever this one thing was. Must have been a doozy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of things parents ask for are unreasonable but I would still hold my tongue and decline in writing later. Happens all the time. It’s not my job to educate them on why I’m taking myself out of consideration and telling them in person leads to a discussion I have no interest in having.

This.

+100000000000

The people thinking the nanny did them a favor aren’t nannies. I have no time or patience explaining in person why I’m no longer interested in your position. I smile, finish fast, and decline by text the next day with no explanation.

Disagree.
“Thank you so much for meeting with me. This isn’t going to be match for me. Best wishes to you.”
Then walk out. No one has to have a conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must know she’s over the top by not disclosing “the one thing”. GL finding a nanny.

Eh, not really. When looking for our first nanny, it didn’t occur to us that she’d have an issue with a pet rabbit who lived outside and she had no responsibility for.

Except the reason you have no problem sharing that anecdote is that you understand that this is the kind of thing some people might be bothered by (some people don't like animals, or might have allergies, or may just have some objection to pets) and others would think was no big deal.

OP is refusing to share the "one thing" because she's pretty sure we'd all be like "nanny was right, that's unreasonable."

PP, you have a reading comprehension issue. It doesn’t matter what the “one thing” was. The issue that OP has was that the nanny didn’t wait until the job offer email or phone call to decline the job. THAT is what offended her. It’s not about why the nanny decline the job; it’s HOW she did it.

OP is nuts.

I actually think the nanny is nuts. The nanny opened herself up to a discussion on why.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of things parents ask for are unreasonable but I would still hold my tongue and decline in writing later. Happens all the time. It’s not my job to educate them on why I’m taking myself out of consideration and telling them in person leads to a discussion I have no interest in having.

This.

+100000000000

The people thinking the nanny did them a favor aren’t nannies. I have no time or patience explaining in person why I’m no longer interested in your position. I smile, finish fast, and decline by text the next day with no explanation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must know she’s over the top by not disclosing “the one thing”. GL finding a nanny.

Eh, not really. When looking for our first nanny, it didn’t occur to us that she’d have an issue with a pet rabbit who lived outside and she had no responsibility for.

Except the reason you have no problem sharing that anecdote is that you understand that this is the kind of thing some people might be bothered by (some people don't like animals, or might have allergies, or may just have some objection to pets) and others would think was no big deal.

OP is refusing to share the "one thing" because she's pretty sure we'd all be like "nanny was right, that's unreasonable."

PP, you have a reading comprehension issue. It doesn’t matter what the “one thing” was. The issue that OP has was that the nanny didn’t wait until the job offer email or phone call to decline the job. THAT is what offended her. It’s not about why the nanny decline the job; it’s HOW she did it.

OP is nuts.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of things parents ask for are unreasonable but I would still hold my tongue and decline in writing later. Happens all the time. It’s not my job to educate them on why I’m taking myself out of consideration and telling them in person leads to a discussion I have no interest in having.

This.

A lot of things parents ask for are unreasonable but I would still hold my tongue and decline in writing later. Happens all the time. It’s not my job to educate them on why I’m taking myself out of consideration and telling them in person leads to a discussion I have no interest in having.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must know she’s over the top by not disclosing “the one thing”. GL finding a nanny.

Eh, not really. When looking for our first nanny, it didn’t occur to us that she’d have an issue with a pet rabbit who lived outside and she had no responsibility for.

Except the reason you have no problem sharing that anecdote is that you understand that this is the kind of thing some people might be bothered by (some people don't like animals, or might have allergies, or may just have some objection to pets) and others would think was no big deal.

OP is refusing to share the "one thing" because she's pretty sure we'd all be like "nanny was right, that's unreasonable."

x1000000

OP knows that OP is unreasonable.

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that your “one thing” was light cleaning, cooking, or pet care and that on paper / over the phone it was not a deal breaker for her. Once she saw the size of your house / amount of stuff and clutter / way you keep your house absolutely pristine / type or size of dog, etc. that she decided she couldn’t handle it. That is honest.

Job interviews are a two way conversation.

+1

Better than the nanny quitting, then you having to find a new one.

She saved you, OP. She was professional, and she did the right thing. Send her our way!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must know she’s over the top by not disclosing “the one thing”. GL finding a nanny.

Eh, not really. When looking for our first nanny, it didn’t occur to us that she’d have an issue with a pet rabbit who lived outside and she had no responsibility for.

Except the reason you have no problem sharing that anecdote is that you understand that this is the kind of thing some people might be bothered by (some people don't like animals, or might have allergies, or may just have some objection to pets) and others would think was no big deal.

OP is refusing to share the "one thing" because she's pretty sure we'd all be like "nanny was right, that's unreasonable."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must know she’s over the top by not disclosing “the one thing”. GL finding a nanny.

Eh, not really. When looking for our first nanny, it didn’t occur to us that she’d have an issue with a pet rabbit who lived outside and she had no responsibility for.

That's the sort of thing you wouldn't want or have to hide in telling the tale, though.

It's too bad OP doesn't understand that the nanny did her a huge favor by being really upfront and direct. The nanny has provided vital information that will help OP find a nanny! Now OP knows this "one thing" might be an issue for other nannies and she can either adjust her expectations or change her offered rate, or simply make sure any future candidates know about this issue upfront so as to not go through multiple rounds of interviews with someone for whom this is a dealbreaker.

I mean, I wasn't there so maybe the nanny was kind of up abrupt or unpleasant in the way she reacted, and that's what made it feel so awkward for OP. But even then, I'd rather err on the side of honest and direct. Sometimes it's hard to do it in a way that is gentle or cushions the blow -- it depends on how open the other person is to hearing it. But kudos to this nanny for being so willing to just say what needed to be said. I wish this was more common.

Anonymous wrote:OP must know she’s over the top by not disclosing “the one thing”. GL finding a nanny.

Eh, not really. When looking for our first nanny, it didn’t occur to us that she’d have an issue with a pet rabbit who lived outside and she had no responsibility for.