Anonymous wrote:I’m the same as your DH except I’m the mom. I didn’t compromise though-I believed I wanted a 2nd. I just severely underestimated how hard it would be.

I just didn’t expect it to be this hard. I didn’t expect to hate it this much.

I’m getting therapy and taking antidepressants. But I’m not sure they are actually helping. There isn’t a pill that will make me like parenting.

I try to hide my negativity, but that takes it’s toll too.

I do love my kids, so so much. They are really wonderful beings.

But I’m not sure I should have had them or that I’d do this all again.

This. If you dislike mothering, you’re going to be put on meds. It’s like women aren’t allowed to be upset their lives changed dramatically. Your mr tally I’ll id you want to be free to focus on your career, dislike what childbirth did to your body, want to be able to travel without arranging childcare and bringing along botttles, car seats etc.

I very much dislike having kids. I live my kids, but dislike what it has done to my life. I don’t know what the solution is. For me, it’s to work outside of the house and take childfree vacations. I feel the same way as the DH. I can barely socialize at a neighborhood party and have an uninterrupted adult conversation.

Anonymous wrote:It is only a matter of time until your baby understands that he/she wasn’t wanted. Why didn’t your husband get a vasectomy after kid #1 was born? Your husband is lazy and immature and needs to get over it STAT. He needs therapy or get out. I would not deal with his whining over this.

Stop blaming him. OP knee that he only wanted one but kept nagging about a compromise of two. Ss noted earlier, having children should always be a "two yes decision.". Be careful what you wish for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, this is on you. You’ll need to pick up the slack and stretch yourself for a few years. My DH didn’t want another, I did. We stopped with one. No regrets from either of us. A child is a two yes decision. Looks like you’ll be a busy bee for a decade or so but you got your two kids. Congratulations!

You sound bitter.

No. She is intelligent and mature. Too bad OP was neither

Anonymous wrote:Has he been screened for depression? I’d first look at some mental health issues that may be impacting his response. He may have been able to hold things together early on, but now need some more support.

I hate these responses. Disliking having kids doesn’t mean you have a chemical imbalance! The DH wants quiet, adult conversations, freedom to lesnevthe house alone etc. This isn’t depression!!

It is only a matter of time until your baby understands that he/she wasn’t wanted. Why didn’t your husband get a vasectomy after kid #1 was born? Your husband is lazy and immature and needs to get over it STAT. He needs therapy or get out. I would not deal with his whining over this.

Maybe send the kids to boarding school when old enough ? There are 5 day boarding schools in addition to full time boarding schools.

Your kids will sense their father's feelings.

I feel sorry for your children.

Anonymous wrote:Yep, this is on you. You’ll need to pick up the slack and stretch yourself for a few years. My DH didn’t want another, I did. We stopped with one. No regrets from either of us. A child is a two yes decision. Looks like you’ll be a busy bee for a decade or so but you got your two kids. Congratulations!

He agreed. She didn’t get pregnant by herself.

Do you guys ever divide and conquer with the kids? During this stage my DH would spend a lot of 1:1 time with our older kid while I did a lot with the younger one (it started out that way because of nursing and me getting things done around the house during the younger one’s nap time).

By 5, kids can start to be a lot more independent and fun. Maybe DH can start a hobby or weekly “date” with the older one (batting cages, brunch and a movie, a light hike and picnic, etc.). I mean he did want at least 1 kid so he should be able to manage 1 at a time.

Also he needs to get some perspective. It’s not like he’s going to have a 5 y/o and toddler for the rest.of.his.life. Sometimes you just grit through some things that aren’t fun. You will have adult conversations again some day. My kids are 5 and 7 now, and they can fully entertain themselves on weekend mornings while DH and I lounge a bit and talk over coffee. It gets a lot better.

Anonymous wrote:I’m the same as your DH except I’m the mom. I didn’t compromise though-I believed I wanted a 2nd. I just severely underestimated how hard it would be.

I just didn’t expect it to be this hard. I didn’t expect to hate it this much.

I’m getting therapy and taking antidepressants. But I’m not sure they are actually helping. There isn’t a pill that will make me like parenting.

I try to hide my negativity, but that takes it’s toll too.

I do love my kids, so so much. They are really wonderful beings.

But I’m not sure I should have had them or that I’d do this all again.

Thank you for posting. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Yep, this is on you. You’ll need to pick up the slack and stretch yourself for a few years. My DH didn’t want another, I did. We stopped with one. No regrets from either of us. A child is a two yes decision. Looks like you’ll be a busy bee for a decade or so but you got your two kids. Congratulations!

Disagree. What would you say if the roles were reversed? My DH wanted more children than I did. But I made the decision to have more. I don’t neglect them/constantly complain that I’m tired and overwhelmed. I’m an adult and their mother. That would be an immature, self-indulgent and toxic response.

Op, tell your husband to see a psychiatrist. Depression and anxiety can contribute to such reactions (but don’t completely justify them)

Maybe while they are in school/daycare book a day or 1/2 day off and go do something together.

Anonymous wrote:He needs to grow the F up.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Yep, this is on you. You’ll need to pick up the slack and stretch yourself for a few years. My DH didn’t want another, I did. We stopped with one. No regrets from either of us. A child is a two yes decision. Looks like you’ll be a busy bee for a decade or so but you got your two kids. Congratulations!

You sound bitter.

He should just move out, leave you the house and get a vasectomy.