Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 22:33     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:Take your family budget and send the bride’s parents. You and DH stay home with the siblings who can’t go. Tell the bride that’s all you can afford.


This is what I would do. After this gift to his parents, DH needs to prioritize his own wife and family.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 22:31     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:SIL is having a destination wedding at an international location. Flight and resort will cost each couple a little under ~$4K to attend. SIL’s parents and a couple siblings cannot afford this price and are reaching out to us to help pay their way. We have a good salary but have some expenses of our own and cannot afford to pay an extra $8k for family members to attend, but DH won’t hear it from me- he says everyone needs to be there and “so be it” if we have to stretch to make this woek. I think it’s inconsiderate of SIL to be doing a destination wedding in the first place when she knows several family members don’t have the money to go… if having family there is important to her.

Has anyone been in this situation? What is the right thing to do? I’m so uncomfortable about this but don’t want to bother the couple getting married.


Outrageous for SIL and for relatives to ask you for money and beyond outrageous for your DH to fund their trip. They should have a party for them when they come home from honeymoon.

I would give money in a heartbeat for something serious but a wedding is not serious and I would not do without anything for my family to pay for something so frivolous .


Read. SIL never asked for anyone to pay.


She asked everyone to pay. Sounds like it wasn’t well thought out. Should have eloped.


It kind of sounds like she is eloping? She obviously knows people can't afford to come. She's not demanding anyone come, nor asking her brother to pay for her parents or siblings. She's having the wedding she wants. It's not about you.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 22:30     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why can’t SIL pay? It’s her wedding her parents can’t afford.


This - why is everyone asking you to pay? SIL should find a less expensive destination or she and her fiancé can go themselves and her family can have a small celebration for them when they get back. You and dh can host. I guarantee it will cost you a fraction of flying everyone out there. You can show the wedding video on a loop.


+1 SIL is ridiculous if she doesn't even value her parents attending (and I don't for a second believe she does value that when she must know they can't afford it)
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 22:30     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Yikes. I love DH's parents, who've always been good to us and financially strapped, so wouldn't have an issue there, but anyone else, nope.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 22:08     Subject: Re:Paying for destination wedding
How many siblings and spouses are asking you to pay?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 21:50     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:SIL is having a destination wedding at an international location. Flight and resort will cost each couple a little under ~$4K to attend. SIL’s parents and a couple siblings cannot afford this price and are reaching out to us to help pay their way. We have a good salary but have some expenses of our own and cannot afford to pay an extra $8k for family members to attend, but DH won’t hear it from me- he says everyone needs to be there and “so be it” if we have to stretch to make this woek. I think it’s inconsiderate of SIL to be doing a destination wedding in the first place when she knows several family members don’t have the money to go… if having family there is important to her.

Has anyone been in this situation? What is the right thing to do? I’m so uncomfortable about this but don’t want to bother the couple getting married.


Outrageous for SIL and for relatives to ask you for money and beyond outrageous for your DH to fund their trip. They should have a party for them when they come home from honeymoon.

I would give money in a heartbeat for something serious but a wedding is not serious and I would not do without anything for my family to pay for something so frivolous .


Read. SIL never asked for anyone to pay.


She asked everyone to pay. Sounds like it wasn’t well thought out. Should have eloped.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 21:39     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I absolutely would not pay for this. Your SIL sounds selfish and self- absorbed and if it were me, I would discourage my husband from enabling this behavior. It’s just the start if you don’t stop it now.


Did SIL ask anyone to pay for her parents? Or siblings? Maybe she just wants a wedding where she wants it. An invitation is not a summons.


Sorry but an invitation to your CHILD'S wedding is a summons.

I don't get how flights could be 4k for a couple. Where are you going- Bali?


DP. That’s flights and the resort stay. I just posted but thought I’d something else. I would tell DH it’s really too much financially and you shouldn’t go either but you could pay for a really nice celebration dinner for the entire family when they return.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 21:36     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Why would you pay? I have not gone to any family or friend destination weddings. I’m certainly not paying for others to attend. The expense is one issue but then taking our limited vacation time and pulling the kids out of school or finding someone to stay with them is an entirely different hassle. I would rather spend the time and money on our family vacation. We are not attending a cousin’s this fall that would involve flying across the country, time off and the kids missing school. I don’t have any guilt.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 21:19     Subject: Re:Paying for destination wedding
Bride and groom pay for all flights and hotels if anyone to pay. And if they don’t have the $, then love the idea to offer to host party after wedding and with wedding video. Would not pay for others unless ready to open door to paying for future nephew and niece schools, activities, etc. Yes, SIL could be divorced by then or never have kids, but opens door that would not be willing to have open.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 21:11     Subject: Re:Paying for destination wedding
Your gift to the couple: You pay for DH's parents to attend. And you and DH stay home....but I know that won't fly because your DH so clearly thinks this is a command performance so he must be there, and I'm sure he expects you (and kids?) to be there or he'll hold it over you the rest ofyour married lives.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 20:59     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Agree, see if there’s somewhere outside the resort that’s cheaper. Sounds like the parents really can’t afford it and don’t work so you can’t reasonably expect them to pay you back. Other relatives is it a loan or they just expect you to pay? Like you’re money bags?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 20:52     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I absolutely would not pay for this. Your SIL sounds selfish and self- absorbed and if it were me, I would discourage my husband from enabling this behavior. It’s just the start if you don’t stop it now.


Did SIL ask anyone to pay for her parents? Or siblings? Maybe she just wants a wedding where she wants it. An invitation is not a summons.


Sorry but an invitation to your CHILD'S wedding is a summons.

I don't get how flights could be 4k for a couple. Where are you going- Bali?


Maybe the bride's parents are horrible and she doesn't care if they come. A lot of assumptions here.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 20:49     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
Take your family budget and send the bride’s parents. You and DH stay home with the siblings who can’t go. Tell the bride that’s all you can afford.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 20:40     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
This has happened in my family, but at a lower price point. One way that family was able to attend was by getting cheaper accomodations further away. Most family was not able to attend wedding, and it would have been close to no family, if people went by what they could afford and no one helped out.

This is tough, OP, because it's DH's immediate family so emotion will rule the day over strict logic. If his family is not normally moochers and you have the means, I'd pay. Otherwise, you will go but DH's parents and siblings won't be there? I can see how that would make him miserable.

I agree SIL should have made saner choices here, but if it were me, I'd pay.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2022 20:36     Subject: Paying for destination wedding
To echo - a lot of places comp the bride and groom. Basically you are getting them a freebie so they have no incentive to go someplace cheaper. If that’s the case, I would have a HUGE issue with it.