Since your child is 10 I think he's old enough to know and follow your rules. We're not talking about a toddler.

That said, I do agree that one of the perks of being a grandparent is "spoiling" your grandkids a little. So I would just talk to the grandparents about limits. One special treat per day is OK; multiple is not, etc.

My MIL gave my kids cookies, then doughnuts, then ice cream, and then my 11 year old got sick and threw up. There were natural consequences to MIL's bad judgment. Now my tween is wary of spending time with her. IME, these things tend to work themselves out. Kids can tell the difference between a sweet grandparent who says, "Oh, can't he have a cookie?" versus over the top grandparents who are shoveling desserts down the kids' throats with no concern for their health.

So a couple of things.

When you say diabetes runs in your family do you mean Type 1 on multiple sides or close relatives? And if so, what does your pediatrician say? Do they say NO sweets? Or moderation? Could it be reasonable to have one small treat while with grandparents?

If your child is allowed treats, I think it's fine for them to get ice cream with grandparents sometimes. I have a close relative with Type 1 (in law) whose kids had to do yearly check ups and they ate sweets. They just had increased awareness and monitoring. But they definitely ate sweets.

The other thing is, if you deny or curtail in an unreasonable way, your kids WILL sneak treats. I had a sad experience a while back with a kid who comes from a super strict family, and when we got Chipotle and I let them get a bit of candy from a scoop your own place, their kid got more than I'd envisioned and ate it ALL in the car. Said they had to. It was a weird situation and I felt bad for them. Had them over a few months later and they ate ALL our ice cream. Not saying all kids will do this, but at a certain point you lose control, you know?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s this with everyone saying sugar doesn’t cause cavities? Of course it does. Duh!

High carbohydrate (not just 'sugar') and inadequate dental hygiene do lead to more cavities. However, it is actually bacteria that cause dental caries so even if you eliminate carbs from your diet but don't practice good dental hygiene, you will still get cavities/gum disease.

Yup. No one disagrees with that, but yes, SUGAR CAUSES CAVITIES.

It's a boundary violation. You make your boundary clear again and if they violate them and it bothers you, you don't allow visits where you aren't supervising.

People on here who find it no big deal really are gross. At this point we are finding sugar is a major contributor to health issues and is more addictive than previously thought. How would you feel about grandparents allowing the kids to smoke or have a beer? Nothing wrong with only allowing sugar in moderation. Yes, you do harm by giving kids a ton of sugar. You can make them feel sick right away or trigger an addiction. It's not like they said, don't give my kids vegetables. If you can't respect boundaries then you need to be supervised.

OP--you don't sound very educated, or maybe you're just controlling. Doesn't matter because the end result is the same--a kid with an eating disorder and/or obsession with sweets. These are the kids who sneak, lie, and gorge themselves when they get the chance. Let it go. Sweets are not the enemy when the overall diet is good. Food fights never end well.

The cavities aren't from eating sweets; they're from not brushing well. Have the kid floss regularly, brush better, and rinse with mouthwash. Consider getting a waterpik to help with the in between the teeth stuff--you can even add the mouthwash to that instead of rinsing.

Anonymous wrote:You are off your rocker op, and I say that with the best intention.
They took your kid for ice cream? And gave him some candy?
Yep, your kid is so much better off with a freak control mom like you at 10!!! than with with his gave him a bit of candy grandparents.
Welcome, eating disorder coming your kid's way in 3-5 years.
Must've been two pieces of candy grandparents gave him that caused cavities, cause his loving parents are just so awesome at creating food and health disorders!

X10000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are watching DS' diet because diabetes runs in both of our families, and our kid has had two cavities already to boo (he's 10). My parents recently came to visit and when they were spending time with DS, they kept giving him candy. They've already taken him for ice cream and other treats behind my back after I told them to please not do that. For them, I really know it's all about them. They love the whole feel-good experience of being the grandparents who dish out the treats. I honestly don't care. I'm the one who will have to have the awful experience of giving my kid insulin shots, not them. I told them I will begin babysitting their visits with him. They were aghast, of course, because they think they have some sort of grandparent privilege to give our kid everything he wants. I've had it. When I tell them to stop the act like jerks and don't think it's a big deal. I've even sent the candy back with them. For those who have clueless grandparents who think they're entitled to fill your kid with sugar, what have you done short of only letting them see your kid when you're around? My kid's health comes first, not special grandparent feelings.

Ice cream does not give you diabetes so you can relax on that. https://www.healthline.com/diabetesmine/revisiting-ice-cream-and-diabetes#1

And candy isn't off limits either ( in moderation) https://www.everydayhealth.com/type-2-diabetes/diet/best-diabetic-candy-mms-skittles-reeses-more/

What is really hard on teeth is the potato chips etc because the sugar stays on the teeth longer.

So, unless your parents are watching him everyday I would relax on the treats. It is much more important that your son has a relationship with his grandparents.

DP. Yes, our dentist has spoken to our children about starchy treats like potato chips. He says that it is even more important to brush after eating chips than it is to brush after eating sugar. He says the starches adhere to the teeth and that causes the degradation that marks cavities.

I also completely agree with you, PP, that it is very important for the boy to have a good relationship with his grandparents. No kid can have too many people love him or her.

I think you're overreacting, OP. I also think that being so controlling about food is going to backfire on you. Unless your pediatrician has given you strict food guidelines because of an urgent need, then you should back off.

I am concerned that you are going to force your child into a secrecy/binging/gorging mindset if you continue on your current path. You can work with your child about how to make healthy and informed choices. After all, many fruits have extremely high sugar contents.

Have you considered that one Hershy kiss might not be as bad as, say, a whole red apple? Granted that the apple has other nutritional value but you seem hung up on sugar content. One Hershey kiss has 2.5 grams of sugar, while one Red Delicious apple, medium-sized, has about 16 grams of sugar, which is about 3 grams of sugar for every ounce.

Instead of making candy or sugary foods some elicit thing that they only get when grandparents are around, you should try to incorporate some small amounts into the regular eating patterns. You want your child to grow used to the treat and so he doesn't become fixated or fascinated by the scarcity of it.

Something to think about.

Anonymous wrote:What’s this with everyone saying sugar doesn’t cause cavities? Of course it does. Duh!

High carbohydrate (not just 'sugar') and inadequate dental hygiene do lead to more cavities. However, it is actually bacteria that cause dental caries so even if you eliminate carbs from your diet but don't practice good dental hygiene, you will still get cavities/gum disease.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are watching DS' diet because diabetes runs in both of our families, and our kid has had two cavities already to boo (he's 10). My parents recently came to visit and when they were spending time with DS, they kept giving him candy. They've already taken him for ice cream and other treats behind my back after I told them to please not do that. For them, I really know it's all about them. They love the whole feel-good experience of being the grandparents who dish out the treats. I honestly don't care. I'm the one who will have to have the awful experience of giving my kid insulin shots, not them. I told them I will begin babysitting their visits with him. They were aghast, of course, because they think they have some sort of grandparent privilege to give our kid everything he wants. I've had it. When I tell them to stop the act like jerks and don't think it's a big deal. I've even sent the candy back with them. For those who have clueless grandparents who think they're entitled to fill your kid with sugar, what have you done short of only letting them see your kid when you're around? My kid's health comes first, not special grandparent feelings.

Ice cream does not give you diabetes so you can relax on that. https://www.healthline.com/diabetesmine/revisiting-ice-cream-and-diabetes#1

And candy isn't off limits either ( in moderation) https://www.everydayhealth.com/type-2-diabetes/diet/best-diabetic-candy-mms-skittles-reeses-more/

What is really hard on teeth is the potato chips etc because the sugar stays on the teeth longer.

So, unless your parents are watching him everyday I would relax on the treats. It is much more important that your son has a relationship with his grandparents.

What’s this with everyone saying sugar doesn’t cause cavities? Of course it does. Duh!

OP teach your kids control, moderation, and thought decision making so they can make good decisions when you are not there.

Temptation will always be there. Teach them. You are hurting them as they are already sneaking it. I worry they will go to their friend’s house and gorge themselves.

Alcohol will devastate your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sugar isn’t going to give them diabetes or cavities so what’s the problem?

For someone who is supposedly worried about these things, OP doesn't seem to have done much research about causes and prevention.

+1
This post actually pisses me off. T1D, the kind that requires the insulin OP is convinced she'll have to inject her 10-year-old with (which, WTH....), is not caused by eating sugar FFS. Such terrible misinformation that just perpetuates the myth that people with an autoimmune disease are somehow responsible for it. Jerk.

+2 Sugar is not giving your 10 year old T1. Sure, excess sugar, fat and bad diet may give them T2 40 years down the line, but giving a 10 year old sugar is not going to result in diabetes. This s#%t pisses me off too as a mom of a T1. Op educate yourself. And let the kid have ice cream.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cavities have nothing to do with sugar so don’t let that worry you. Teach your kids to brush their teeth well and you should be fine.

My son's cavities are exacerbated to a large degree by sugar. He has weak enamel (high fever as a baby caused the enamel on several adult teeth to form improperly) and so the sugar definitely causes harm to his teeth.

Sugar is not the singular cause of cavities, but it isn't good for your teeth.

Better to have one sweet (non sticky treat) and brush your teeth, than bathe teeth in simple carbs all day( that convert to sugar) chips, bread, crackers, protein bars.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cavities have nothing to do with sugar so don’t let that worry you. Teach your kids to brush their teeth well and you should be fine.

My son's cavities are exacerbated to a large degree by sugar. He has weak enamel (high fever as a baby caused the enamel on several adult teeth to form improperly) and so the sugar definitely causes harm to his teeth.

Sugar is not the singular cause of cavities, but it isn't good for your teeth.

Have you eliminated pasta, bread and potatoes from his diet? Those carbs break down into sugars.