How you doing today, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As sh!tty as this DCUM can be, I think this is an area where you can find the support you need that you can't find in your real life. I'm the PP who is at an age that I don't have any more f@cks to give. I wish you were in the place that I'm at now. I don't know why it took me so long to get to this place but I chalk it up to conditioning - both by family and by society.

I agree with PPs that have said you no longer need to feel compelled to keep secrets. Yes, it can be re-traumatizing to bring it up and not be believed. This is where not giving a f@ck comes in handy.

I also agree with the PP said that you don't need your DH. Again, this is where not giving a f@ck can come in handy. I guess it's about knowing, really knowing, your worth. You ARE an amazing person, OP! I wish I knew you in real life so we could have coffee and I could tell you that you CAN do this on your own. You've done so much already. Now it's time to really own your life. Do it! Hugs!

This really made me feel better. All day I have been thinking about suicide and how I would do it. This really helped me as did other PPs comments. Thank you.

No more f@cks to give PP here. I'm glad it helped. It can be hard when you're in the midst of turmoil to recognize when you have 'disordered thinking' - which is the slope I think you may be sliding down if you've been thinking about suicide. It's not 'un-normal' but you need to recognize it as unhealthy emotionally, not just intellectually.

Have you thought about going on an SSRI/medication to help you through this rough patch? About 15 years ago, I was going through some rough times and thought I was actually in peri-menopause because my emotions were all over the place. My OB/GYN suggested it was depression and prescribed a low dose SSRI. It made an incredible difference. It didn't make things better but it did allow me to spend less energy on my regulating my emotions. I didn't realize until the medication kicked in just how much I was expending to keep my sh!t together. Was on it about 9 months and wouldn't hesitate to go back on it if needed.

You might also try meditation. My teens and I use the Headspace app a couple times a day. Sometimes for as little as 5 minutes but it helps to have those moments free of noise.

Keep posting to let us know how you're doing! As a PP said, you've told your secret to us and while we don't know you, many of us do know what you're going through and we care. Hugs.

Sending you hugs! Are you at all religious? I only ask because perhaps there is someone you can confidentially talk with in your life, to provide you another source of strength to lean on and not just depend on the 1 hours of therapy a week.

Just want to keep this thread going for you. I hope it helps to know that there are people who know your secrets even if we don't know who you are. You are stronger than you know. Please come back and check with us daily. Sometimes having that accountability can help.

Just remember: You are worthwhile. You are valued. You are strong.

OP, my advice is to divorce your husband, cut off your family, and move far away and start a new life and be happy. That's what I did. No regrets. You owe it to yourself to create a life that makes YOU happy.

OP, you're an incredibly woman who's shouldered everyone else's weight and continues to give, even when your tank is empty. I echo pps who said you should stop giving a f*ck and start focusing on your own worth. Re the estate, do what you can to wrap up and then drop the rope on your siblings. They're all grown adults and they can deal with their own sh*t (make it your mantra next time someone comes to you asking for help). Your H is not worthy of you. Focus on your health and your own well being. Sending you virtual hugs!

OP, you can do it, and guess what--if you fail thanks to idiot sibs who can't get their sh!t together to get you documents, well, you get an extension, or a fine, or maybe everything goes to hell and nobody gets anything or gets less then they could have. SO WHAT. It's not life or death!

Re telling your sibs, agree with PP that you will probably not get the reaction you hope for. You're not going to have the "picket fence" relationship with your sibs, so stop trying.

Surround yourself with people who shore you up, OP, not those who drag you down or suck you dry.

Which brings us to the DH. Give these documents one last push, then let the chips fall where they may, and after a breather, plan to mentally move away from this marriage, which, also, is not the "picket fence" marriage and never will be because it takes two to get even close to that, and he's not participating.

This is just a moment in time. A really sh!tty moment. But just one moment. There will be better moments. You just have to set them up and sow your garden with flower seeds, not weed seeds. And get rid of the existing weeds and pay more attention and tend those existing flowers.

I will pray for you tonight. My God is pretty awesome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As sh!tty as this DCUM can be, I think this is an area where you can find the support you need that you can't find in your real life. I'm the PP who is at an age that I don't have any more f@cks to give. I wish you were in the place that I'm at now. I don't know why it took me so long to get to this place but I chalk it up to conditioning - both by family and by society.

I agree with PPs that have said you no longer need to feel compelled to keep secrets. Yes, it can be re-traumatizing to bring it up and not be believed. This is where not giving a f@ck comes in handy.

I also agree with the PP said that you don't need your DH. Again, this is where not giving a f@ck can come in handy. I guess it's about knowing, really knowing, your worth. You ARE an amazing person, OP! I wish I knew you in real life so we could have coffee and I could tell you that you CAN do this on your own. You've done so much already. Now it's time to really own your life. Do it! Hugs!

This really made me feel better. All day I have been thinking about suicide and how I would do it. This really helped me as did other PPs comments. Thank you.

Oh, hugs OP. Please call your therapist and a friend and hang on.

Re the point about your friends judging if you stay with your husband. Not sure how old you are, but I’m 50, and at this point, everyone knows relationships are complicated and imperfect. Particularly if you have kids or other commitments. Don’t know that your friends will have f@cks to give on that point either, though I agree with the others that you’ll be just fine without him.

Sending hugs and support

I'm really sorry, OP. Have you tried finding a support group?

Oh, you said he might be cheating. Sh--, I'm sorry.