Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

They would be having fun doing whatever they usually do on a weekend. The kids are only invited to the ceremony, which means their uncle will be having no interaction with them. Then they will . . . go back to the hotel to be babysat by a stranger, I guess? I think they'd rather be at home. I assume the husband is happy to stay home with them. OP drives up the day before the wedding and drives back Sunday. Any family members who are offended by this are too self-centered to take seriously.

Go solo or with DH. Include Thursday dinner, if you can.

It might be a nice time and let you get to know your SIL and her family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

Can your inlaws stay with your kids? If not, just leave dh at home with them. Why make them miss school for a wedding they can't attend.

Also... I'm sure the amounts vary a lot, but neither dh's sibling, nor mine gave a gift for our wedding. I'm sure they both felt that our parents' gifts would cover them too. (I didn't care)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go solo since the kids aren’t invited to the reception. Totally understandable that the bride and groom choose a no kid reception, but also totally understandable when parents split up to leave the kids home in that situation, too.

As for the gift, give what you feel is most appropriate. You certainly don’t need to give over $500 if money is tight!

When am I going to be adopted by a family that feels like it is okay to "just" give $500 if money is tight! Oh the injustice of it all!

Just to be clear, I definitely don’t think she needs to spend $500! That’s definitely a lot. I was just going off her original plan of $500-800.

Go solo and skip the advance dinner. With kids not invited to the reception, it's silly to bring them. We overcommitted to a relative's wedding this summer and regretted it. It was a lovely event, but a week of travel with kids cost way too much in terms of time and effort and $$. The bride and groom were pleased to see us but honestly didn't care that we had gone to this enormous effort to drag the whole family to their big day --- nor should they have, they were rightly focused on their own happy moment.

Only attend the dinner on Thursday if you want to get to know the bride and her parents. Over the long term, if you plan on having a good relationship with her and your brother, this may be worth the effort. Otherwise don't bother.

Anonymous wrote:I would go solo since the kids aren’t invited to the reception. Totally understandable that the bride and groom choose a no kid reception, but also totally understandable when parents split up to leave the kids home in that situation, too.

As for the gift, give what you feel is most appropriate. You certainly don’t need to give over $500 if money is tight!

When am I going to be adopted by a family that feels like it is okay to "just" give $500 if money is tight! Oh the injustice of it all!

Anonymous wrote:I would go solo since the kids aren’t invited to the reception. Totally understandable that the bride and groom choose a no kid reception, but also totally understandable when parents split up to leave the kids home in that situation, too.

As for the gift, give what you feel is most appropriate. You certainly don’t need to give over $500 if money is tight!

Just adding, I meant travel just for the wedding, not the Thursday dinner which is simply a courtesy invite for people coming into town.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would drive and attend the dinner myself and then have DH drive the kids the next day or even Saturday morning. If the wedding hotel is a fancy one, look for a Hampton Inn or something nearby. Just because there’s an official “wedding hotel” doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

Did you read the part where kids aren’t invited to the reception? If not, why would make them drive all day there and all day back just to go to a wedding ceremony? And who would watch them during the reception? And I’d never make my spouse do all that driving alone with the kids just for some wedding ceremony of an in-law.

It’s their uncle. Weddings are important. How old are the kids? oP, said they’re not high school but it also doesn’t sound like they’re little either.

If it was a local wedding I would agree with you about attending since it’s their uncle, but travel on top of attending only a portion of the wedding events? No.

I would go solo since the kids aren’t invited to the reception. Totally understandable that the bride and groom choose a no kid reception, but also totally understandable when parents split up to leave the kids home in that situation, too.

As for the gift, give what you feel is most appropriate. You certainly don’t need to give over $500 if money is tight!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would drive and attend the dinner myself and then have DH drive the kids the next day or even Saturday morning. If the wedding hotel is a fancy one, look for a Hampton Inn or something nearby. Just because there’s an official “wedding hotel” doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

Did you read the part where kids aren’t invited to the reception? If not, why would make them drive all day there and all day back just to go to a wedding ceremony? And who would watch them during the reception? And I’d never make my spouse do all that driving alone with the kids just for some wedding ceremony of an in-law.

It’s their uncle. Weddings are important. How old are the kids? oP, said they’re not high school but it also doesn’t sound like they’re little either.

Anonymous wrote:The Thursday dinner invitation is a courtesy for people who would otherwise be in town. I doubt the bride's parents expect people to alter their plans for it, and if they do, they're the unreasonable ones. I'd stick with your original plan, drive up Friday, enjoy the wedding, and drive home Saturday.

+1 Also, if my kids aren't invited to the reception, I'd rather leave them at home. I would leave the kids home with my husband and make the quick trip on my own.

Anonymous wrote:I would not be going out of my way with extra travel and logistics when they couldn't be bothered to invite their nieces/nephews to the reception. I understand no kids, but this is extreme.

Yeah I agree here. I mean I would attend the wedding, but not the dinner and whether or not my husband attended would depend on who would watch the kids.