Anonymous wrote:OP I am a trailing spouse and now SAHM. Kid is about to go to school so I am considering going back to work but cannot think of a career. I also moved to a new area and have zero connections. I agree with others to try to make meaningful connections. Some ideas are church, an activity or craft, meet up groups, friend apps… Just put yourself out there even though you may be tired and may feel like it’s useless. Also consider making a gratitude list or engaging in mindfulness or meditation. I find more physical activity to be helpful as well.

Anonymous wrote:What is a trailing spouse?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would see a therapist. I’ve accomplished much less and I would never talk about myself like that.

+1 And I would never consider myself a failure. I measure “success” in different ways. I have friends and family who I love and who love me back, and my work helps others through difficult moments, despite being lower pay; it’s meaningful to me. I have cancer and my life means a f-ing lot to my family. I have meaningful relationships and I try to be a good friend. And that’s enough for me. It’s such a cliche but gratitude is everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are thinking too much in terms of accomplishments. Think instead of the connections you have in your life and how you are meaningful to these people. Your immediate family need you in your lives. Your other relatives and friends love you. You do things throughout the day, that, however small or insignificant to you, does mean something to other people in the long run.

You published a book and consider it a failure. How many thousands of people think about writing a book, but never get it done? You actually gave it a try and got your work published. Perhaps it wasn't a best seller, but people read it, and it might have been helpful, meaningful, or enjoyable to some of those readers. If it wasn't an ideal experience, what can you learn from that? What would you do differently? Can you help other people who are in the process of writing a book?

Once you step away from "things" and focus on ideas and relationships with people, your life will be richer. And definitely not mediocre.

I actually don't have friends who love me. Just acquaintances.

maybe this is the missing piece- you need to develop relationships with people and feel loved and valued. Im from a family that cannot do that and it is so damaging. I think there are a lot of people in the city who are in the unfortunate position of being related to people, grandkids/kids of people who are wildly influential and successful and forevermore we are all measuring ourselves to that level of influence and success. In my own case, if the people I know who were that successful knew this about us they'd be incredibly sad b/c they aren't as proud of their achievements as their family members are. You need to find people who value you and if that isn't possible, sometimes its enough to just value yourself. I moved the heck away from my family b/c I couldn't be around the level of prestige chasing and it doesn't effect my day to day life anymore and im healthier now but I understand that feeling of why me- why didn't I get the same "special" cancer/genes as everyone else, well what are you doing to dod? you didn't, thats all there is to it, but it could be a lot worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are thinking too much in terms of accomplishments. Think instead of the connections you have in your life and how you are meaningful to these people. Your immediate family need you in your lives. Your other relatives and friends love you. You do things throughout the day, that, however small or insignificant to you, does mean something to other people in the long run.

You published a book and consider it a failure. How many thousands of people think about writing a book, but never get it done? You actually gave it a try and got your work published. Perhaps it wasn't a best seller, but people read it, and it might have been helpful, meaningful, or enjoyable to some of those readers. If it wasn't an ideal experience, what can you learn from that? What would you do differently? Can you help other people who are in the process of writing a book?

Once you step away from "things" and focus on ideas and relationships with people, your life will be richer. And definitely not mediocre.

I actually don't have friends who love me. Just acquaintances.

Anonymous wrote:I would see a therapist. I’ve accomplished much less and I would never talk about myself like that.

Anonymous wrote:You are thinking too much in terms of accomplishments. Think instead of the connections you have in your life and how you are meaningful to these people. Your immediate family need you in your lives. Your other relatives and friends love you. You do things throughout the day, that, however small or insignificant to you, does mean something to other people in the long run.

You published a book and consider it a failure. How many thousands of people think about writing a book, but never get it done? You actually gave it a try and got your work published. Perhaps it wasn't a best seller, but people read it, and it might have been helpful, meaningful, or enjoyable to some of those readers. If it wasn't an ideal experience, what can you learn from that? What would you do differently? Can you help other people who are in the process of writing a book?

Once you step away from "things" and focus on ideas and relationships with people, your life will be richer. And definitely not mediocre.