Find a different job in your area of expertise that has better hours--I wouldn't quit altogether.

I "mommy tracked" and just did a few hours of consulting a week when my kids were little (couldn't afford part time nanny, so did it all while they slept). Once they hit elementary school I worked part time and loved it. Now they're in MS/HS and working full time but not earning what I deserve, and that can feel quite demeaning. So I wouldn't just up and quit, but instead find a better more flexible job. Yes you'll earn less, but you won't have that gap on your resume for when it's time to go back.

I have a 45 hour but not flexible job, work in office 5 days a week, but no early morning or late nights, I make similar.
When I am home I am not working so it helps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, forgive in advance as I know we are very lucky. But can’t ask friends these questions. Have a great job that lets me work remotely. It is mentally exhausting though with high pressure deadlines and lots of late night calls. Mid - 30s, been with the company for 10+ years. Make 280 plus typically 15% bonus each year. Have actually outearned my husband for last 10 years, though based on titles no one expects that (including my In-laws who see my job as a wfh nice mom job ) 2 boys and an 18 month girl under 7. Husband just made partner at his firm. Super amazing dad, but his travel is going to be significant. I am exhausted. Have nanny but feeling down and like our lives are outsourced. Has anyone given up a good paying job, knowing it will slice your household income in half, but you are still happy 5+ years down the road that you made that choice? It’d be tighter in the short term, but in 3-4 yrs we’d probably end up financially where we are today. Or, is it better to just push through the toddler/young years that are exhausting because it’ll get easier and it’s ultimately worth it, particularly when it’s mostly wfh. Add on to this that our public schools suck and we’re not Catholic, but we love where we live. So, should I quit, we likely can’t afford privates for all three all the way through, so would have to move.

PUSH THROUGH.

Or at the very least make a plan to have some sort of work and income of your own. It is short-sighted to quit. You have no idea what the future holds. You may very well find yourself in a situation where you need to support yourself and your kids.

Just curious - do you have three kids yourself?

Why? DP. I agree with them and have more than three kids and no nanny.

Do you actually want to stay home with your kids? That didn't really come across in your post. You sound overwhelmed, but not like you are missing out on being with them 24/7. I'm not saying that snarkily. Being a SAHM is really hard and you have to really WANT to be home with them, not just not wanting to work. Otherwise you will be miserable.

I quit. Well, first I tried a job that cut my income in half but wasn't demanding at all and I didn't have to manage anyone. It still wasn't enough. I quit 5 years ago and haven't looked back. My DH also made partner about that time and in retrospect my timing was good bc he could really go all in, and that's paid off. Our kids were 3, 5 and 7 at the time. I'm so glad I quit, even though I gave up a high paying job that I liked.

I only have two kids but I felt the same way you did when my kids were babies/preschoolers. I had a really demanding job and it just felt like way too much. I decided to go part-time (which saved my sanity) but I am so glad that I did not quit and that I stayed in the game. I don't know what industry your husband is in but there is no sure thing. I can't tell you how many lawyers, for example, that I have seen lose their jobs over the years or get flushed out of law firms even after making partner because they could not build a book of business. My kids are in high school now and my career has exploded (in a good way) over the last five years. I make more money now than I could have ever imagined and it feels absolutely awesome to be able to financially provide for my family, and to not feel dependent on someone else to provide me with the type of lifestyle that I want (which is one where we do not worry about money). I am at an age where I am seeing all of my hard work really come to fruition and I get a lot of personal satisfaction and socialization/friendships through work. I like being around people who see me as more than just a "mother" and "wife." Our household also feels like a true partnership since both my husband and I are equal contributors to our income, the running of the house, the kids, the pets, etc. All this to say, if you can find a way to go part-time or make your job less intense for a period of time, I would recommend doing that versus opting out entirely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback. Just in my husband’s defense, he will now make more and will be on a better long term trajectory. (Which I prefer ! Just my “steady” job still ends up being early mornings/late nights/ pressure cooker!

Do people really have jobs that are only 40 hours a week with flexibility to wfh? Feel like it’d be taking a pay cut for the same thing somewhere else.

Yes. I’m a fed atty, I work 40 hours a week. Don’t look at my email before 8, after 6, or on weekends. I wfh. I make 140k.
I consider myself unbelievably lucky.

But OP makes $280K + more than $40K bonus. I heard fed has no bonus, right? Is OP willing to take 40% of her current pay?

She was willing to quit with 0% of her pay so why not?

Problem solved. OP should start to look for a fed gov't job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback. Just in my husband’s defense, he will now make more and will be on a better long term trajectory. (Which I prefer ! Just my “steady” job still ends up being early mornings/late nights/ pressure cooker!

Do people really have jobs that are only 40 hours a week with flexibility to wfh? Feel like it’d be taking a pay cut for the same thing somewhere else.

Yes. I’m a fed atty, I work 40 hours a week. Don’t look at my email before 8, after 6, or on weekends. I wfh. I make 140k.
I consider myself unbelievably lucky.

But OP makes $280K + more than $40K bonus. I heard fed has no bonus, right? Is OP willing to take 40% of her current pay?

She was willing to quit with 0% of her pay so why not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the feedback. Just in my husband’s defense, he will now make more and will be on a better long term trajectory. (Which I prefer ! Just my “steady” job still ends up being early mornings/late nights/ pressure cooker!

Do people really have jobs that are only 40 hours a week with flexibility to wfh? Feel like it’d be taking a pay cut for the same thing somewhere else.

Yes. I’m a fed atty, I work 40 hours a week. Don’t look at my email before 8, after 6, or on weekends. I wfh. I make 140k.
I consider myself unbelievably lucky.

But OP makes $280K + more than $40K bonus. I heard fed has no bonus, right? Is OP willing to take 40% of her current pay?

I quit a high paying job (not as high as yours!) and my husband made less than I did. It was the best decision as I was able to spend time with my 3 kids as they grew and return to work many years later (not in a high paying job). Now that they are teens and young adults, I am so grateful I had that time with them and for the less stressful life my family was able to experience.

I understand that my choice wouldn’t work for everyone. GL, OP.

Me, OP. Kids are 9, 7, 3. I just quit a job that paid a lot and WAS around 40 hours, but involved some nights and weekend work (unpredictable) because of urgent matters in distant time zones.

I have offered to work hourly/PT, because the work is super interesting. But if they don’t take me up on it, that’s fine, too. I agree with what some others have said. If you have enough money, or can make it work on one income, then take that wonderful cushion and fashion the work life you want.

Tell them what you would like, and see if you can work it out.

I had a somewhat similar situation during Covid. I handled by reducing my schedule on Fridays. I do not schedule any meetings that day. I’ll take a client meeting but rearrange anything internal to another day. I don’t do proactive engagement work on Friday and it really helps. I am thinking about work a lot but more planning, organizing, lists, action items, projects, etc. I maybe work 1/4 of the day. This makes all the difference. It takes off the pressure and effectively gave me a raise on earnings per hour. I didn’t ask anyone I just did it. Highly recommend. BTW, my performance is great and I’m up for promotion now.

Not me, but I’ve heard of it

I will tell you what. I will take your job for the next few years. I am looking to ramp up as I have no more kids at home full time. I have been working full time as a lawyer just not in a high earning environment. We can check in a few years from now and if you want your job back, I will move on.

I have a great job, with a great salary and it is also work from home. I don't have a nanny but have a great circle of child care support systems. With covid and potential monkey pox increases, I have changed my hours to be more dedicated to more time to my family in the morning and on alert for school shutdowns or quarantines.

My supervisor is not enthusiastic but I have to do something to keep myself and my family in balance. I have started to notice that not much happens in the mornings at my job. Most of the important meetings are in the afternoons and I can get work done in evening when the kids are at school, resting or asleep. My mornings are the busiest and require the most important time for my kids to start their day. The hours from 6-9 are when they are most self sufficient and I can get work done.

Overall, I think the suggestions are good but they don't honor the fact that you want family time back. Yes it is nice to have a big salary but it is also nice to be mother that is not constantly stressed.