I don’t think she should go but because she needs to help with planning a funeral. She needs to be with your dad in his final hours.

Anonymous wrote:My dad is expected to pass any day now. My sister lives nearby and has been helping with his care each day during or after work.

Before my dad really started to decline, he and my mom booked a rental property on a beach for a week, with plans to go with my sister and her family.

I just had a baby so I was never planning to go on a vacation this year.

My sister said her last goodbye to my dad today and plans to drive to the rental property tonight to go on vacation without my parents after all.

But shouldn’t she be staying nearby to help support my mom and help arrange the wake/funeral since my dad has only a couple more days to live?

I am doing what I can with an infant but it seems like a strange time to be going on vacation for a week.

Yes, leaving now for a vacation is a selfish thing to do. I can't believe so many people on this thread think it's just fine for her to waltz off and who can go on vacation and enjoy themselves knowing a loved one is dying? Not that she would have to be by his side, but she should at least be nearby.

Many people wait to die - doing it when others are not around. Some do. Ask anyone who's involved in hospice. Holding the person's hand and being there as-they-die is not a universal ideal, not for the person passing.

Everyone processes differently. Part of me surely would have liked to have said goodbye to my dad in my own way and not had to be there to witness the end. Perhaps this is her closure.

Anonymous wrote:I’m presently in the same situation. I’ve been at my dad’s bedside 2 hours a day, 7 days a week, for a couple of months. I have a pre planned vacation coming up and I am absolutely going. Don’t underestimate the emotional and physical strain of visiting with a very ill loved one.

I’m going to take it once step further and say don’t underestimate the impact of visiting an ill loved one daily. It is vastly different to see that suffering daily then the one day a week OP is visiting.

I’m presently in the same situation. I’ve been at my dad’s bedside 2 hours a day, 7 days a week, for a couple of months. I have a pre planned vacation coming up and I am absolutely going. Don’t underestimate the emotional and physical strain of visiting with a very ill loved one.

Your sister needs to do what's right for her. You worry about yourself. It's not your place.

You can’t control other people. Let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister took care of your dad each day during or after work. What did you do before your baby was born?

He began declining around Easter. That was three months after my baby was born.

He was not in this state prior to the birth.

Easter was 3 months ago. Your baby is six months, around, and you should be able to take on some of thee burden.

Your sister deserves a break. Not sure I would go on vacation when I know my father is about to pass, but I think you underestimate the stress she's been through.

This. We all might think that we would chose different timing but it seems like the last thing we should do if judge our sister who took on the daily burden.

Anonymous wrote:Her *family* may need this vacation. Really need it.
It isn't -only- about your parents
Their life is not only about your parents

This! For 3 months she has been a mother, wife, daughter, caregiver, employee. She’s grieving, scared, exhausted. She’s been pulled in lots of directions until she’s stretched very thin. This is when her kids are out of school and she and her husband arranged to take vacation. They can’t just do this any old week of the year. Her kids have probably gotten much less of her attention these last 3 months. I seriously doubt she and her husband have been having date nights. This is their opportunity to reconnect, escape the daily grind of these past 3 months, and just be there for each other during this difficult time.

I was with my father for the last 40 days of his life. You can’t know what that’s like without going through it. He aged a decade in his last week. It was horrific to witness. My mother, brother and I were traumatized by mental images of him on his deathbed. Pack up your baby and get yourself there. Help your mom with the funeral arrangements. That’s the easy part.

Her *family* may need this vacation. Really need it.
It isn't -only- about your parents
Their life is not only about your parents

Maybe it's her only way to cope. She's done a lot. You can't fault her.

Everyone should be very forgiving of odd behavior surrounding a death. People do unpredictable things. It's the grief.

Anonymous wrote:My dad is expected to pass any day now. My sister lives nearby and has been helping with his care each day during or after work.

Before my dad really started to decline, he and my mom booked a rental property on a beach for a week, with plans to go with my sister and her family.

I just had a baby so I was never planning to go on a vacation this year.

My sister said her last goodbye to my dad today and plans to drive to the rental property tonight to go on vacation without my parents after all.

But shouldn’t she be staying nearby to help support my mom and help arrange the wake/funeral since my dad has only a couple more days to live?

I am doing what I can with an infant but it seems like a strange time to be going on vacation for a week.

The way it works is you get to decide how to live your life and she make such choices in hers.

It helps NO ONE for a grown adult to pass judgement on what their siblings SHOULD do.

How you navigate your parent's death is very personal, and you of all people should try to cut your sister some slack. This is a hard time for everyone .

If this has been dragging on since Easter and your sister hasn’t had a break it’s perfectly acceptable for her to say her goodbyes and go on a much needed vacation that has probably been her light at the end of the tunnel for months. Let her go, stop judging her, step up to help out and thank her profusely for all she’s done. I don’t even know how this is a question.

I’m sorry about your dad. Your sis will be back in time to help. It might not be on your preferred timeline, but that’s ok.