What’s the big deal? Some kid came over to ask if yours could play. If yes, say yes. If no, say no.

Anonymous wrote:I would have just sent her home.

This. “Sorry, Larla, we’re busy right now. Have a great afternoon!”

If she’s old enough to ride her bike over, she’s old enough to ride it home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feed and return child.

And what's with the stretchy suit nonsense? My daughter can't use the next size down and the next size up. They're not that stretchy! Ridiculous.

I’m baffled by these people with apparent rigid form fitting children’s bathing suits- where are you even buying them? My 5 year old is still obsessed with a 2T bathing suit that she’s had for years and will periodically insist on squeezing into it. It sounds like in this case the would be borrower is the smaller one, so worst case it would just be baggy. Having grown up in California with regular impromptu pool dates we regularly made do with borrowing bathing suits several sizes too big or too small….it’s not a fashion show.

That being said I think it’s perfectly reasonable for the op to not want to take/pay for the friend…a poorly fitted bathing suit just seems a unnecessary additional excuse.

OP is asking for advice as to whether it would be rude not to take the kid to the pool—meaning she doesn’t want to be rude! In what universe would you think it is OK to put a girl who isn’t your kid (around 9 by the ages OP later says her kids are) in a suit that’s way too big for her, meaning straps are falling down and the butt/crotch area can move aside and expose things that shouldn’t be exposed at the pool? I wouldn’t want my daughter’s 9yo body exposed at the pool, would you? I wouldn’t want to be responsible for another kid’s body to be exposed at the pool, would you?

I’m personally not at all concerned about a strap occasionally falling down for my 7-9 year old girls because they are wearing a slightly too big swimsuit…. But realistically this is only going to pose an issue for a spaghetti strap style suit. I have also never seen too much fabric in the crotch area resulting in unwanted exposure and am having trouble envisioning this even being a potential issue unless the suit is at least 4-5 sizes too big. For the majority of children’s one piece swimsuits, a suit two or even three sizes too big is just going to be a bit baggy/less form fitting, which is hardly something to worry about. I would of course always ask the other parent before taking their child swimming/lending a suit and would assume they were aware of the possible size discrepancy.

Interesting though that in Europe it’s normal for girls up to ~10 to go topless in public pools, but in the dc area the idea of an 8 year old in a slightly ill fitting suit is scandalous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feed the child, since you already asked the mom and then tell her you have to go.
Next time, if you don't want her there for lunch, just tell her she can't stay, because you will be heading out shortly.

+1..the end. And OP said the child lives a good distance away and not in her neighborhood, so this wasn’t a neighborhood knock on the door from across the street.

The kid probably enjoyed the bike ride. This is not a big deal. Just send her home when you’re headed out to the pool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just tell the mom we're going to the pull in a an hour. If you want her to join us please bring her things over within 30 minutes otherwise I'll drop her off on my way out.

Because our pool passes are expensive and I don’t want to watch an extra kid at the pool by myself all afternoon. -OP

So invite the mom too. You don't sound like a good neighbor.

The other mom was rude. She could have texted before her kid showed up.

I would have just sent her home.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you feel put upon, OP. Or why you texted the mom. If you wanted to offer lunch, you can ask the kid if she wants to stay for lunch. If you don’t want to, say it’s not a good time. If you don’t want to take her to the pool, then say it’s not a good time to play. What’s the big deal?
Also don’t understand the posts about driving her home, evidently she biked there and can also bike back.

Plus 1
If the kid is old enough to come to your house alone, she is old enough to say "do you want lunch" or we are leaving at 2.

Im not sure why this is such a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her home after an hour. Text mom to let her know she’s on her way.

This isn’t that difficult, OP. You don’t need to waste time building a cross for yourself. Stop judging the mom, send the kid home and go have a nice afternoon at the pool.

+1

I can tell a few people on here are in the habit of assuming other parents in the neighborhood (and apparently quite a distance away!) will watch your kid anytime you feel like sending them out of the house. If you have a parents’ contact info, use it. A kid running down to knock on a neighbor’s door and returning home if they’re not there/not available is one thing. Knowing a kid has a long bike ride ahead of them puts a little more pressure on the unexpected hosts. I wouldn’t turn a kid who had ridden a long way away unless I had to, but yeah, sometimes it’s inconvenient even if you ultimately decide to do it. I would never send a kid on a long bike ride back home without communicating to make sure his or her parents knew they were on the way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her home after an hour. Text mom to let her know she’s on her way.

This isn’t that difficult, OP. You don’t need to waste time building a cross for yourself. Stop judging the mom, send the kid home and go have a nice afternoon at the pool.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Feed the child, since you already asked the mom and then tell her you have to go.
Next time, if you don't want her there for lunch, just tell her she can't stay, because you will be heading out shortly.

+1..the end. And OP said the child lives a good distance away and not in her neighborhood, so this wasn’t a neighborhood knock on the door from across the street.

Anonymous wrote:You can tell a random kid who shows up that your kid is unable to play because you are eating now and then leaving. This is a non issue.

This. Instead of texting the mom asking if the girl had eaten lunch, I would have texted her that Larla was on her way home because you were getting ready to head to the pool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just tell the mom we're going to the pull in a an hour. If you want her to join us please bring her things over within 30 minutes otherwise I'll drop her off on my way out.

Because our pool passes are expensive and I don’t want to watch an extra kid at the pool by myself all afternoon. -OP

Exactly. Don’t take her. And fyi it would have been fine for you to turn her away nicely at the door

You can tell a random kid who shows up that your kid is unable to play because you are eating now and then leaving. This is a non issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feed and return child.

And what's with the stretchy suit nonsense? My daughter can't use the next size down and the next size up. They're not that stretchy! Ridiculous.

I’m baffled by these people with apparent rigid form fitting children’s bathing suits- where are you even buying them? My 5 year old is still obsessed with a 2T bathing suit that she’s had for years and will periodically insist on squeezing into it. It sounds like in this case the would be borrower is the smaller one, so worst case it would just be baggy. Having grown up in California with regular impromptu pool dates we regularly made do with borrowing bathing suits several sizes too big or too small….it’s not a fashion show.

That being said I think it’s perfectly reasonable for the op to not want to take/pay for the friend…a poorly fitted bathing suit just seems a unnecessary additional excuse.

OP is asking for advice as to whether it would be rude not to take the kid to the pool—meaning she doesn’t want to be rude! In what universe would you think it is OK to put a girl who isn’t your kid (around 9 by the ages OP later says her kids are) in a suit that’s way too big for her, meaning straps are falling down and the butt/crotch area can move aside and expose things that shouldn’t be exposed at the pool? I wouldn’t want my daughter’s 9yo body exposed at the pool, would you? I wouldn’t want to be responsible for another kid’s body to be exposed at the pool, would you?

Anonymous wrote:Feed and return child.

And what's with the stretchy suit nonsense? My daughter can't use the next size down and the next size up. They're not that stretchy! Ridiculous.

I’m baffled by these people with apparent rigid form fitting children’s bathing suits- where are you even buying them? My 5 year old is still obsessed with a 2T bathing suit that she’s had for years and will periodically insist on squeezing into it. It sounds like in this case the would be borrower is the smaller one, so worst case it would just be baggy. Having grown up in California with regular impromptu pool dates we regularly made do with borrowing bathing suits several sizes too big or too small….it’s not a fashion show.

That being said I think it’s perfectly reasonable for the op to not want to take/pay for the friend…a poorly fitted bathing suit just seems a unnecessary additional excuse.