Anonymous wrote:I actually think the anonymity of this board and the negativity permitted is one of DCUM's assets. You get straight answers, no BS. If you're being ridiculous, people will tell you so. No one will do that in real life.

+1

The cluelessness of so many makes it obvious that so many here have no idea what most people around them really think about their stupid BS. It’s no wonder they cry and get butthurt when they are confronted with reality.

I respond with annoyance sometimes to the incredible percentage of people here who blame the OP no matter WHAT the situation, even when to do so is patently ridiculous, who often overlap with the melodramatic (and who are likely obnoxious/unreasonable MILs and SILs themselves) “OK, I guess all MILs and SILs are evil then and should be banished!!!!!”

I really couldn’t care less if people think my annoyance is “mean.” “Mean” is a word you were supposed to stop using after middle school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you’ll get meaningful responses with zero details or examples of what you’re referring to

I'm not OP here but they probably mean threads like--
OP: My next door neighbor had a backyard BBQ last night and invited everyone on our street--adults and kids. I'm confused because we have a good relationship. We have coffee together at least once a week and our kids play together. I'm kind of hurt. Should I say something?
Other People: Your DH is cheating on you with the neighbor.
Your kids are probably brats.
Do you play your music really loud?
MYOB.
No one owes you anything.
You sound needy and annoying.

All legitimate responses and possible reasons you wouldn't be invited when the entire neighborhood was.

The second last is the only legitimate one and it could be said a bit more gently.

Nope. They’re all legitimate except “your DH is cheating on you,” and the “your kids are brats” is about 50/50 legitimate. The rest are absolutely valid.

I think there are mostly two categories:

1) people who feel personally attacked by people making choices other than theirs (eg all public vs private school threads)
2) people who are bubbling over with rage toward people who do something similar to what they perceive OP to be doing (sometimes they’ll straight up admit “you sound just like my a-hole neighbor/mom/sister” before wishing death and suffering on the OP)

Anonymous wrote:The meanness is even more shocking when you consider that most posters are raising children. It’s embarrassing really. How would you feel if your children treated their friends and classmates the way some of you treat others here? It’s no excuse that this is some anonymous playground; you are still hateful and hurtful, and your actions have consequences, whether you realize it or not. Be better.

Other DCUM posters are not my kids friends or classmates.

The meanness is even more shocking when you consider that most posters are raising children. It’s embarrassing really. How would you feel if your children treated their friends and classmates the way some of you treat others here? It’s no excuse that this is some anonymous playground; you are still hateful and hurtful, and your actions have consequences, whether you realize it or not. Be better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you’ll get meaningful responses with zero details or examples of what you’re referring to

I'm not OP here but they probably mean threads like--
OP: My next door neighbor had a backyard BBQ last night and invited everyone on our street--adults and kids. I'm confused because we have a good relationship. We have coffee together at least once a week and our kids play together. I'm kind of hurt. Should I say something?
Other People: Your DH is cheating on you with the neighbor.
Your kids are probably brats.
Do you play your music really loud?
MYOB.
No one owes you anything.
You sound needy and annoying.

All legitimate responses and possible reasons you wouldn't be invited when the entire neighborhood was.

The second last is the only legitimate one and it could be said a bit more gently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you’ll get meaningful responses with zero details or examples of what you’re referring to

I'm not OP here but they probably mean threads like--
OP: My next door neighbor had a backyard BBQ last night and invited everyone on our street--adults and kids. I'm confused because we have a good relationship. We have coffee together at least once a week and our kids play together. I'm kind of hurt. Should I say something?
Other People: Your DH is cheating on you with the neighbor.
Your kids are probably brats.
Do you play your music really loud?
MYOB.
No one owes you anything.
You sound needy and annoying.

All legitimate responses and possible reasons you wouldn't be invited when the entire neighborhood was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you’ll get meaningful responses with zero details or examples of what you’re referring to

I'm not OP here but they probably mean threads like--
OP: My next door neighbor had a backyard BBQ last night and invited everyone on our street--adults and kids. I'm confused because we have a good relationship. We have coffee together at least once a week and our kids play together. I'm kind of hurt. Should I say something?
Other People: Your DH is cheating on you with the neighbor.
Your kids are probably brats.
Do you play your music really loud?
MYOB.
No one owes you anything.
You sound needy and annoying.

Reinforces my view that DCUM is a rare opportunity to see into the minds of others and know what they actually think about your situation or issue without them censoring their response to be polite.

I’m sometimes mean, but it’s almost always because the person I’m responding to is a jerk or a moron. And I try to do it in a funny or at least somewhat interesting way.

It’s mostly just a release. Can’t go around real life sniping the hell out of people. So DCUM is a different playing field. I think most normal people kind of get that.

But nobody’s all one thing. I also have days when I’m earnest and sympathetic and frankly sometimes kind of sappy. Just depends on my mood. In those instances I’m likely to castigate someone for being a joyless prick bullying people anonymously on the internet. Worlds a complicated place.

I am often surprised by how mean some of the posters are and wonder how sad their lives must be.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure you’ll get meaningful responses with zero details or examples of what you’re referring to

I'm not OP here but they probably mean threads like--
OP: My next door neighbor had a backyard BBQ last night and invited everyone on our street--adults and kids. I'm confused because we have a good relationship. We have coffee together at least once a week and our kids play together. I'm kind of hurt. Should I say something?
Other People: Your DH is cheating on you with the neighbor.
Your kids are probably brats.
Do you play your music really loud?
MYOB.
No one owes you anything.
You sound needy and annoying.

Anonymous wrote:Some of the mean posters can be really funny. If they are, it's worth it IMO. If they're not going for humor then yeah, I don't really get it.

Yes!

NP here. I get why some of these examples annoy you guys and make you unsympathetic to the OP (or believe them to be a troll). I agree with many of your complaints about annoying or unreasonable behavior.

But my response to it is to… leave those threads. Which is also technically what the rules of this forum directs you to do. Don’t like an OP? Don’t respond. Responding only feeds that thread, boosts it on the board, gets more eyeballs on it. When someone is being an idiot or a troll, the best possible response is to ignore it. Or report it, if you must.

No one has actually provided a reason why being cruel or engaging in pile-ons is a justifiable response. Except the PP who said they find mean posters funny, which I personally disagree with (I usually just find these posts as annoying as the OP).