Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s your money, but this is the kind of thing that tears families apart. I’ve seen it happen several times in my own extended family. I’d split it equally.

This is too simplistic and can also tear families apart. Sometimes one sibling has gotten substantial assistance throughout adulthood (failure to launch type scenarios) while others didn’t. Sometimes only one adult child among equally well off and capAble close-by children support a parent in the later years. In these scenarios there are resentments when the estate is divided equally.

OP do what your head tells you is right and your heart will feel good about.

+10000

Anonymous wrote:I think u leave equal amounts to both sons. Then if you want to give the grandkids come give them an equal amount too. Like less than your sons but the same as each other. What happens if one grandson gets in a car accident and ends up in a wheelchair? You going to change your will?

Plenty of people do change their wills due to major events. You should update your will every 5 years or so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

This grandson will need the money. The others can get the money from their parents when they die.

When they die .. what if their parents spend it all on themselves?

This. My mom has been very clear that she plans to spend all of money before she dies.

Anonymous wrote:It’s your money, but this is the kind of thing that tears families apart. I’ve seen it happen several times in my own extended family. I’d split it equally.

This is too simplistic and can also tear families apart. Sometimes one sibling has gotten substantial assistance throughout adulthood (failure to launch type scenarios) while others didn’t. Sometimes only one adult child among equally well off and capAble close-by children support a parent in the later years. In these scenarios there are resentments when the estate is divided equally.

OP do what your head tells you is right and your heart will feel good about.

Anonymous wrote:I think u leave equal amounts to both sons. Then if you want to give the grandkids come give them an equal amount too. Like less than your sons but the same as each other. What happens if one grandson gets in a car accident and ends up in a wheelchair? You going to change your will?

I would split the bulk of the estate equally between the two sons and a smaller amount divided equally among the grandchildren. Place the autistic child’s portion in a special needs trust. Depending on the ages of the others, they may need a spendthrift trust. Or just split equally between two sons and let them plan for their own children.

You’re putting the child’s father in a bad position if you do this. Is he supposed to even things out in his will? Leave more to the non-disabled child to make up for the fact that the disabled child already got more from you? My husband was the only grandchild to inherit from his grandparent (only boy of the only boy, so only one of five cousins to carry on the last name. massive sexism) my father in law tried to compensate to my sisters in law which led to serious resentment from my husband, but my sisters in law still feel resentful because he has a trust. All of this to say the ill-feelings you’d be creating aren’t worth it.

I’d set up a special needs trust. It’s a specific type and important to get the trust document correct so the money doesn’t disqualify him for other services. His siblings and cousins will not support him financially when he is in his 30s and older.

I think u leave equal amounts to both sons. Then if you want to give the grandkids come give them an equal amount too. Like less than your sons but the same as each other. What happens if one grandson gets in a car accident and ends up in a wheelchair? You going to change your will?

Anonymous wrote:Or, leave your$ to your 2 sons. They can handle their own children.

Disagree. I think each grandchild should get something. My great grandma expected that her son would share his 10m inheritance. My mom got 10k and he donated the rest to an awful PAC.

Anonymous wrote:I would put into a trust for his benefit.

If your estate is sizable, I would pay for college for the others.

+2

I have a niece with special needs (1 of 7 grandkids) and I would absolutely understand/support it if my mom decided to leave her something for her longterm needs.

However, this is something that needs to be discussed with the child’s parents as a direct inheritance can interfere with their ability to qualify for some benefits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

Fair doesn’t mean equal. It’s always shocking this has to be said.

+1 if life was fair, your grandson wouldn’t be struggling with autism

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. It's your money, you can do whatever you want with it. And it's no one else's business.

Stupidest statement ever. I don't know why people always come on these inheritance threads and say things like this.

OP asked a question as to whether she could leave money to whomever she wants. Of course she can. I never understand why people feel obliged to do what others want, and that's why I replied. Which part do you have an isue with?

*issue

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. It's your money, you can do whatever you want with it. And it's no one else's business.

Stupidest statement ever. I don't know why people always come on these inheritance threads and say things like this.

OP asked a question as to whether she could leave money to whomever she wants. Of course she can. I never understand why people feel obliged to do what others want, and that's why I replied. Which part do you have an isue with?

No. You should trust that your son and your grandson's mother know how to make the best financial accommodations for their autistic son.