Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no clue how she has so many predictable and convenient “emergencies” but anyway…

As someone who often has the types of issues that your MIL has, my problem is that too many people know that I am a people pleaser and that I don't say "no", so many people call and ask me for things and I usually acquiesce. So, I can be planning to do something, but one of the Mom's of my kids' friend will call/text me for something that will just take a minute. Someone in the scout troop will ask if I have a copy of the form for the weekend camping trip, so I'll get on the computer to find it and send it. The head of the PTA will send me a note that the teachers in our grade's classrooms are out of certain supplies, so I'll go and put in an Amazon order for the teachers. Someone from work will ask for something that I can get quickly, even though it is my day off from work. And so on and so on. I do all these one off things for people. This is why during my work days, I typically don't get to my own work until after lunch. My mornings are usually helping other people with things that they need.

And lest you think that this is only because my kids are young and when they are older, it gets easier, pre-kids we were involved in a number of community organizations and volunteer activites, all of whom have half as many volunteers as they need and I was always pegged as the "go to" person. When someone asked what they were supposed to do, many others would say "Ask <me>". What felt like the best thing was when we had kids, I started to say "No, don't have time because of the kids..." I've gotten much better in recent years on my own life, but now, my kids' activities and lives dictate mine. Hopefully when my kids grow older and fledge, I'll get less active, but now that my kids are mildly more independent, many groups that I used to be very active with are already knocking down my door for help and support. I've been good at saying no, but my desire to help people is wearing down since I don't have the excuse that my kids need me as much.

I really admire those who can say "no" easily, but I'm not one of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no clue how she has so many predictable and convenient “emergencies” but anyway…

As someone who often has the types of issues that your MIL has, my problem is that too many people know that I am a people pleaser and that I don't say "no", so many people call and ask me for things and I usually acquiesce. So, I can be planning to do something, but one of the Mom's of my kids' friend will call/text me for something that will just take a minute. Someone in the scout troop will ask if I have a copy of the form for the weekend camping trip, so I'll get on the computer to find it and send it. The head of the PTA will send me a note that the teachers in our grade's classrooms are out of certain supplies, so I'll go and put in an Amazon order for the teachers. Someone from work will ask for something that I can get quickly, even though it is my day off from work. And so on and so on. I do all these one off things for people. This is why during my work days, I typically don't get to my own work until after lunch. My mornings are usually helping other people with things that they need.

And lest you think that this is only because my kids are young and when they are older, it gets easier, pre-kids we were involved in a number of community organizations and volunteer activites, all of whom have half as many volunteers as they need and I was always pegged as the "go to" person. When someone asked what they were supposed to do, many others would say "Ask <me>". What felt like the best thing was when we had kids, I started to say "No, don't have time because of the kids..." I've gotten much better in recent years on my own life, but now, my kids' activities and lives dictate mine. Hopefully when my kids grow older and fledge, I'll get less active, but now that my kids are mildly more independent, many groups that I used to be very active with are already knocking down my door for help and support. I've been good at saying no, but my desire to help people is wearing down since I don't have the excuse that my kids need me as much.

I really admire those who can say "no" easily, but I'm not one of them.

You can write three more paragraphs of excuses but it won’t change the fact that you, quite frankly, suck. Do better.

I really don't care what a random unimportant person on the Internet thinks. Because of the way that I am, I don't offer or request things like OP's MIL. I live my life and do things for myself and my children. All of these types of situations are created by people asking me for favors or help. If you ask me for favors or help, you get what you get when you get it. I don't impose my untimed life on others. And I really don't care if people are bothered by it. If you don't want to deal with it, stop asking for my help. Do what you ask me to do for yourself and then you won't be bothered by my poor scheduling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no clue how she has so many predictable and convenient “emergencies” but anyway…

As someone who often has the types of issues that your MIL has, my problem is that too many people know that I am a people pleaser and that I don't say "no", so many people call and ask me for things and I usually acquiesce. So, I can be planning to do something, but one of the Mom's of my kids' friend will call/text me for something that will just take a minute. Someone in the scout troop will ask if I have a copy of the form for the weekend camping trip, so I'll get on the computer to find it and send it. The head of the PTA will send me a note that the teachers in our grade's classrooms are out of certain supplies, so I'll go and put in an Amazon order for the teachers. Someone from work will ask for something that I can get quickly, even though it is my day off from work. And so on and so on. I do all these one off things for people. This is why during my work days, I typically don't get to my own work until after lunch. My mornings are usually helping other people with things that they need.

And lest you think that this is only because my kids are young and when they are older, it gets easier, pre-kids we were involved in a number of community organizations and volunteer activites, all of whom have half as many volunteers as they need and I was always pegged as the "go to" person. When someone asked what they were supposed to do, many others would say "Ask <me>". What felt like the best thing was when we had kids, I started to say "No, don't have time because of the kids..." I've gotten much better in recent years on my own life, but now, my kids' activities and lives dictate mine. Hopefully when my kids grow older and fledge, I'll get less active, but now that my kids are mildly more independent, many groups that I used to be very active with are already knocking down my door for help and support. I've been good at saying no, but my desire to help people is wearing down since I don't have the excuse that my kids need me as much.

I really admire those who can say "no" easily, but I'm not one of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no clue how she has so many predictable and convenient “emergencies” but anyway…

As someone who often has the types of issues that your MIL has, my problem is that too many people know that I am a people pleaser and that I don't say "no", so many people call and ask me for things and I usually acquiesce. So, I can be planning to do something, but one of the Mom's of my kids' friend will call/text me for something that will just take a minute. Someone in the scout troop will ask if I have a copy of the form for the weekend camping trip, so I'll get on the computer to find it and send it. The head of the PTA will send me a note that the teachers in our grade's classrooms are out of certain supplies, so I'll go and put in an Amazon order for the teachers. Someone from work will ask for something that I can get quickly, even though it is my day off from work. And so on and so on. I do all these one off things for people. This is why during my work days, I typically don't get to my own work until after lunch. My mornings are usually helping other people with things that they need.

And lest you think that this is only because my kids are young and when they are older, it gets easier, pre-kids we were involved in a number of community organizations and volunteer activites, all of whom have half as many volunteers as they need and I was always pegged as the "go to" person. When someone asked what they were supposed to do, many others would say "Ask <me>". What felt like the best thing was when we had kids, I started to say "No, don't have time because of the kids..." I've gotten much better in recent years on my own life, but now, my kids' activities and lives dictate mine. Hopefully when my kids grow older and fledge, I'll get less active, but now that my kids are mildly more independent, many groups that I used to be very active with are already knocking down my door for help and support. I've been good at saying no, but my desire to help people is wearing down since I don't have the excuse that my kids need me as much.

I really admire those who can say "no" easily, but I'm not one of them.

You can write three more paragraphs of excuses but it won’t change the fact that you, quite frankly, suck. Do better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no clue how she has so many predictable and convenient “emergencies” but anyway…

As someone who often has the types of issues that your MIL has, my problem is that too many people know that I am a people pleaser and that I don't say "no", so many people call and ask me for things and I usually acquiesce. So, I can be planning to do something, but one of the Mom's of my kids' friend will call/text me for something that will just take a minute. Someone in the scout troop will ask if I have a copy of the form for the weekend camping trip, so I'll get on the computer to find it and send it. The head of the PTA will send me a note that the teachers in our grade's classrooms are out of certain supplies, so I'll go and put in an Amazon order for the teachers. Someone from work will ask for something that I can get quickly, even though it is my day off from work. And so on and so on. I do all these one off things for people. This is why during my work days, I typically don't get to my own work until after lunch. My mornings are usually helping other people with things that they need.

And lest you think that this is only because my kids are young and when they are older, it gets easier, pre-kids we were involved in a number of community organizations and volunteer activites, all of whom have half as many volunteers as they need and I was always pegged as the "go to" person. When someone asked what they were supposed to do, many others would say "Ask <me>". What felt like the best thing was when we had kids, I started to say "No, don't have time because of the kids..." I've gotten much better in recent years on my own life, but now, my kids' activities and lives dictate mine. Hopefully when my kids grow older and fledge, I'll get less active, but now that my kids are mildly more independent, many groups that I used to be very active with are already knocking down my door for help and support. I've been good at saying no, but my desire to help people is wearing down since I don't have the excuse that my kids need me as much.

I really admire those who can say "no" easily, but I'm not one of them.

Anonymous wrote:no clue how she has so many predictable and convenient “emergencies” but anyway…

Anonymous wrote:OP you're a control freak. lighten up.

Anonymous wrote:To the PPs who think this person can change: she can't. I am surrounded by people like that, and when I put my foot down, they can with great effort be on time a couple of times, but not consistently, because they have ADHD, or something else, and they just can't. So I've taken to going about my day. If they come, they come.

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not worth the stress or the aggravation to me. I would just hire real help if I needed it because this “help” comes with too much mental drain that you now have to manage. I would reduce these visits to 2-3 times a year at most and give her an absolute deadline as others have mentioned. If she’s not there within 30 minutes of planned arrival time, I would send a text and say “I couldn’t wait any longer and left for my appointment with the kids. Looks like today did it work out. We can try again next time.” And then do not respond to any further texts or calls until late evening or the next day. Then she can contact the son she raised to arrange any visits.