Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 11:45     Subject: Re:"Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Years ago I was talking to a friend about my preference of a daughter in law. My son was only 5. I said I hope he one day marries a smart pretty girl but I prefer someone who would stay home and raise my grandchildren. I decided I wanted to be that type of mom and I did become that mom.


I feel like I'm witnessing the origin story of a DCUM MIL (tm).


Haha absolutely true.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 11:45     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Why wouldn't you just let this roll off your back? that person's not an authority on Best Practices For You.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 10:55     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yep she's totally right you'll be a better mother if you stay at home. Choose to work if you want to but you must know that's what you're sacrificing.


Proven to be untrue in study after study. And certainly in my case. My mother was a loving but inept SAHM. My siblings and I would have been far better off with a WOHM and an educated nanny.


+1. I know SAHMs (like myself) would love to believe that it makes you a better mother but it simply isn’t true.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 10:26     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Anonymous wrote:Yep she's totally right you'll be a better mother if you stay at home. Choose to work if you want to but you must know that's what you're sacrificing.


Proven to be untrue in study after study. And certainly in my case. My mother was a loving but inept SAHM. My siblings and I would have been far better off with a WOHM and an educated nanny.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 10:13     Subject: Re:"Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Anonymous wrote:Years ago I was talking to a friend about my preference of a daughter in law. My son was only 5. I said I hope he one day marries a smart pretty girl but I prefer someone who would stay home and raise my grandchildren. I decided I wanted to be that type of mom and I did become that mom.


I feel like I'm witnessing the origin story of a DCUM MIL (tm).
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 10:06     Subject: Re:"Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: I think you do need to stay at home in order to be “the best mom ever.” That being said, you can be a pretty good mom without staying at home. I’m not sure that it’s worth giving up your entire adult life in order to be “the best mom.”


Laughable comment.


I would be a better mom if I devoted another fifty hours a week to making sure all of my kids’ needs were met. How could I not be?
But I’m still a pretty good mom, and my kids are fine. I’m not going to ignore my own needs and the needs of everyone else in my community in order to devote myself to them completely. I get that some people want to do that, and I’m sure that their kids benefit from it, but it’s not me.
My kids have a stable family, educated parents, good schools, white skin, and penises. If that’s not enough, that’s on them.


White skin and penises?
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 07:19     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Anonymous wrote:My kids are grown and in my experience there is literally no correlation between how good a mother someone is and whether they work. It’s irrelevant.

I’ve both worked and stayed home (and done WFH, part time work, been a student mom, been a full time SAHM and a full time WOHM, I’ve done it all). I don’t have an allegiance to one way or another. I’ve seen absolutely fantastic moms with all sorts of setups. I’ve also seen absolutely horrible moms who have done every variety.

I think it’s one of those things that people think is more important than it is, but there are so many more important things to parenting.


I’m a sahm now but I used to be a full time working mom and a part time working mom. I plan to go back to work at some point. If kids are older, I will just be a homemaker and that is not what I want.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 07:10     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
My kids are grown and in my experience there is literally no correlation between how good a mother someone is and whether they work. It’s irrelevant.

I’ve both worked and stayed home (and done WFH, part time work, been a student mom, been a full time SAHM and a full time WOHM, I’ve done it all). I don’t have an allegiance to one way or another. I’ve seen absolutely fantastic moms with all sorts of setups. I’ve also seen absolutely horrible moms who have done every variety.

I think it’s one of those things that people think is more important than it is, but there are so many more important things to parenting.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 07:07     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Anonymous wrote:Whether or not she actually thinks being the best mother means doing nothing but that (either for this particular friend, or for all mothers in general), I really don't think she meant to criticize you, OP. If you really want to look for offense, you're going to find it every single day.


This
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 07:01     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Whenever I have considered what makes the Best Mom Ever it’s had nothing to do with working/not working. It’s been those moms who have fought the medical institutions or insurance companies to get their kids lifesaving treatments. Or donated their bone marrow or kidneys to them. It’s odd and a little ridiculous to me to think someone would say about a mom who saved their life “yeah but what if you stayed home when I was five!” Or “yeah but you never took me to take your child to work day”

Bottom line most of us are not in the running and we should be grateful for that.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 06:58     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
My mom would have been a better mom if she had kept working. She didn't deal well with the isolation of being a SAHM at all and struggled with bouts of severe anxiety. She also very clearly missed her career and was frustrated.

Don't get me wrong, She meant well, but it was clear she was miserable. She went back to work when I was older and it was like she became a different person.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 06:52     Subject: Re:"Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
If you are a WOHM, then its a dig on you...your friend is not a nice person, and a regressive one to boot!
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 06:35     Subject: Re:"Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Years ago I was talking to a friend about my preference of a daughter in law. My son was only 5. I said I hope he one day marries a smart pretty girl but I prefer someone who would stay home and raise my grandchildren. I decided I wanted to be that type of mom and I did become that mom.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 04:18     Subject: "Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Yep she's totally right you'll be a better mother if you stay at home. Choose to work if you want to but you must know that's what you're sacrificing.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2022 23:20     Subject: Re:"Maybe she will decide to be the best mom ever and stay home..."
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: I think you do need to stay at home in order to be “the best mom ever.” That being said, you can be a pretty good mom without staying at home. I’m not sure that it’s worth giving up your entire adult life in order to be “the best mom.”


Laughable comment.


I would be a better mom if I devoted another fifty hours a week to making sure all of my kids’ needs were met. How could I not be?
But I’m still a pretty good mom, and my kids are fine. I’m not going to ignore my own needs and the needs of everyone else in my community in order to devote myself to them completely. I get that some people want to do that, and I’m sure that their kids benefit from it, but it’s not me.
My kids have a stable family, educated parents, good schools, white skin, and penises. If that’s not enough, that’s on them.


Dammit, I KNEW there was something I was forgetting!