Is the author of this thread a foreigner interested in teaching their child "elite mannerisms"?

Hah zineent to private school and no, in no way were we "refined". Private school kids fall right into the same tropes as every other school (band kids, theater kids, etc.). I think except maybe with more cocaine.

Trying to map the spectrum of maturity and behavior of teenagers to a public/private school distinction is a fool's errand.

I have a 15 YO boy who is a rising sophomore. Refined is definitely not a word I would use to describe him (or his friends).

Polite, for sure. Refined? Not in the least.

Words I would use to describe my son include loud and unsophisticated. He’s also hilarious and definitely lives his “best life.” He works hard in school and sports, but he’s a total goofball.

My kid's favorite rejoinder to online gamer bullies is "Go f*ck a chicken in space" and it will never cease to delight me, so yes, I think we're a very refined family. Just think what we'd be like if we'd gone to public schools.

In the case of my kids, no but they are more articulate than I or DH ever was.

Yes. DD wears her grandmother’s pearls to her private school and 5-year-old DS is mastering the Windsor knot.

Anonymous wrote:What I notice is that in general, kids from private schools are more comfortable talking to adults they don't know. I see this in my daughter and her friends.

I attended a party recently that had a mixture of families and included MS and HS aged kids from both public and private (Catholic) schools. I found the kids from public school to be acting entitled and not interested in engaging in any conversation with adults. The private school kids were much more polite and were able to converse in a mature fashion.

Yes, and they are taught that they are the equals or better than adults at an early age too. This is one of the main pros (or cons) of what private school teaches children.

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids are have good social skills because we raised them properly. They both did cotillion (Mrs Simpsons). And of course have travelled extensively and visited museums and done cultural activities. One went to private and one to public school, so school had nothing to do with it.

My exact experience - I will take credit for their polish - there are polished and mannerly kids in both public and private school. On a side note, people comment on how "articulate" both of my kids are. The biggest difference is that they don't say "like" every other word. If you want your kid to stand out, make sure they don't do this one thing!

Anonymous wrote:See: Brett Kavanaugh

At least he is not a liar. Her parents and family are so very disappointed in her. What does that say of her private school?

Yes totally. My DEar Child just had an interaction with a group of adults and everyone thought DC was much older and were very impressed with manners, ability to engage, etc.

Yes to speaking with adults more comfortably. This is what happens when your classes are smaller, participation is required, and students have frequent meetings with counselors and advisors. Also, less time teaching to the test means more time in class for oral presentations, plays, and speaking. It adds up.
Also, private school parents, especially at the lower school level, are very, very engaged. Students have many opportunities to speak with other kids' parents.

I think I have noticed the biggest difference when my kids were in MS at a k-8 vs friends at public MS. I'm not sure it was being more refined, probably more innocent because of the way the k-8 operates. (I still appreciate how nice that was to avoid pressure to "grow up" faster.)

Any other differences I have noticed over time had more to do with the SES differences on sports teams. Kids and families from the more wealthy parts of our area were a bit more polished than others. And I say this when comparing kids who were at a minimum still all in very solidly MC/UMC families. Super wealthy kids were often more polished but it definitely didn't mean they were better or that they had more substance.

I think because the expectations are much higher in private school, students need to participate. My friend teaches at our local HS and tells me about students sleeping through class, heads down on desks, AirPods in their ears, etc. None of that would be allowed in private school, especially Catholic school. Teachers expect engagement and therefore students have a lot more experience talking to adults.

Anonymous wrote:What I notice is that in general, kids from private schools are more comfortable talking to adults they don't know. I see this in my daughter and her friends.

I attended a party recently that had a mixture of families and included MS and HS aged kids from both public and private (Catholic) schools. I found the kids from public school to be acting entitled and not interested in engaging in any conversation with adults. The private school kids were much more polite and were able to converse in a mature fashion.

?? What do you even think that word means?

Also, how do you know where the kids went if they wouldn't talk to you?