Anonymous wrote:That's a strange scenario and it sounds like they are terrible financial managers if they chose to fund your college and a house before their retirement. College is one thing but if they were in precarious financial shape I can't believe you accepted a house. I would certainly support them to the extent that the house has limited their retirement income going forward.

I can tell you this happens ALL the time - how many times have you heard a parent say "gee whiz - its so expensive but we will make it work - Larla got into Bucknell" and then down the road they are like oh damn - I'm still recovering from dipping into our savings, or taking out loans or whatever, and I'm going to be 75 before I retire. It sucks to be you when your state school friends, or friends that saved properly, are all traveling and living the easy life and your kids are up and out while you slog into your seventies and wonder what was I thinking. This exact situation happened to our neighbor (not Bucknell, but another expensive private). The other option is hope that Larla went into finance and will bail you out - but I really wouldn't count on that from this generation.

Anonymous wrote:If your parents paid for your expensive college and grad school & living expenses for you and bought you a starter home, are you obligated to support them in their retirement? Would there be an expectation?

If my parents were in retirement because they were unable to work, for either physical or legal reasons, and their being unemployed was causing them to need financial help, I would definitely help them. If my parents were working and, for whatever reason, still needed financial help, again, I would help them without question. If, however, they are able to work but have chosen to retire, and their being unemployed was causing them to need financial help, then no way. Instead, I would give my parents a very good piece of advice that would help solve their financial problems:

"Go back to work."

Retirement shouldn't be a given. If you want there to be a point in your life where all your days are filled with nothing but fun and relaxation, you have to earn it on your own, and not expect other people to make sacrifices to let you have that kind of luxury. Fortunately, neither of my parents' professions force retirement by a certain age, nor does the area they live in have a forced retirement law. They still may be forced to retire for physical reasons, in which case, I'll be happy to give them whatever help I can. If, however, they just want to retire so they can lounge at home and watch tv all day, go on more vacations, etc., they'll have to make that happen on their own.

My father died when I was 22 and he left nothing to anybody, but my mother lived to 90. She took good care of us and was an outstanding mother but she didn't provide funds for college or house purchases. She did cosign a college loan for my brother and cosigned a car purchase for me once. She also willingly gave us money if she thought it would help us in some way.

She had a fed pension and social security and didn't need our financial support but she lived with us her last 14 years because we didn't want her living alone due to health issues and we took good care of her until the day she died, but only because we loved her so much.

Only because we loved her so much.

What if your elder brother decided that his recently widowed mother would likely die in the next five years and relocated her into a very expensive care facility. She is still very much alive 13 years later. She has gone through all her money (about $500K) and another $500K of her children's money.

People often underestimate the cost of elder care. It's brutal on everyone! EVERYONE!!

Obliged? No. But I would if they needed it because who lets their parents be impoverished?

My parents paid for my undergrad with the help of grants and student loans (mine not theirs). They did not pay for grad school, house, or living expenses. At the time they paid for my college, they were doing well financially (solidly MC). About 10 years after I had graduated and my siblings and I were married and out of the house, my father made terrible investment decisions as well as squandered his nest egg on another woman. My mother was smart enough to keep her own money unentangled so she is fine, but my father lost everything. He had a stroke and I had to get him on Medicaid so that he could stay in a long term care facility. He hates it there but he has no money for another option. I don’t feel like I owe him anything for his bad choices. I have to pay for my own kids’ college and save for my own retirement so that my kids (or the government) don’t have to support me.

Most adults are smart enough to have saved approximately enough for their retirement - or they wouldn't be paying their kid's expenses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obligated? No.

Are you a crappy kid if you have the means to but don’t? Yes.

+1

+2

Yes, but only because I don't have children, nor do I plan to. If you have kids, your kids come first.

Anonymous wrote:No I don’t expect my kids to reimburse me. I chose to pay and I influenced their options by what I was willing to pay. If I expected reimbursement then I would have set it up as a loan.

It is unfair to set things up so that your children owe you forever. This is why minors can't sign contracts. This can be used as a manipulative tool to control your children forever. I know plenty of us have seen this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obligated? No.

Are you a crappy kid if you have the means to but don’t? Yes.

+1

Alternatively--in America no, because your own needs always come first. In Asia, Africa and Latin America, yes, of course you take care of them.

You, and similar posters, are ignorant as hell. Parents that sacrificed to send their kid to an in state school, encouraged them to go into a high paying profession…sure, financial help is nice from adult kids. BUT, parents encouraged kid to go to expensive, out-of-state or private school…then payed for starter home without saving for own retirement? Oh, hell no. That’s totally reckless financially. Majorly dysfunctional. The adult children in question here would just be repeating this cycle of financial dysfunction for their own kids (who come first). Medicaid nursing homes exist for a reason.

Isn't that called the crab pot mentality in poor communities. One person does well and the rest of the family expects to be supported which ensures no one rises above poverty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's a strange scenario and it sounds like they are terrible financial managers if they chose to fund your college and a house before their retirement. College is one thing but if they were in precarious financial shape I can't believe you accepted a house. I would certainly support them to the extent that the house has limited their retirement income going forward.

+1 This scenario makes no sense.

+100

My parents would never want to take money from their grandchildren. They want to see my family build wealth for the next generation. My siblings and I offer to pay for things for my parents and we have to push hard to get them to accept.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, and no.

Biology flows downhill.

So does shit apparently. This is the breakdown of society -- people don't even have to care for their own parents. How can they be expected to care about neighbors, community members, fellow Americans?

Pathetic attitude, PP. Truly shocking.

You're Asian, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obligated? No.

Are you a crappy kid if you have the means to but don’t? Yes.

+1

Alternatively--in America no, because your own needs always come first. In Asia, Africa and Latin America, yes, of course you take care of them.

You, and similar posters, are ignorant as hell. Parents that sacrificed to send their kid to an in state school, encouraged them to go into a high paying profession…sure, financial help is nice from adult kids. BUT, parents encouraged kid to go to expensive, out-of-state or private school…then payed for starter home without saving for own retirement? Oh, hell no. That’s totally reckless financially. Majorly dysfunctional. The adult children in question here would just be repeating this cycle of financial dysfunction for their own kids (who come first). Medicaid nursing homes exist for a reason.

Anonymous wrote:If your parents paid for your expensive college and grad school & living expenses for you and bought you a starter home, are you obligated to support them in their retirement? Would there be an expectation?

If what you mentioned is the sole reason for why they would need money, then yes. However, there are too many scenarios out there of older parents needing money from their children because of messes they got themselves into. My maternal grandmother was a perfect example of this. She repeatedly made poor financial decisions against my mother's warnings, and despite my mother having warned her, still caved to her self-inflicted needs every time this happened. That won't be me.

If my parents have been making good financial decisions and still need financial help, I won't think twice about giving it to them. However, if one of my parents is about to make a costly decision as my grandmother did countless times, I'll say what my father repeated advised my mother so say:

"You do what you want, I can't stop you. But I'm telling you right now that you're on your own if you get into trouble."