Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 06:28     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.


Why won’t my husband?

I'm I don't know why he can't but you're married, so they're your nieces, too. To me, it's not a question of which spouse has the responsibility here, but what kind of relationship you want to have with your nieces?
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 05:25     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
I get it. I think you also have to take into consideration the general in-law situation (do they always expect the women to do things and are you okay playing into that). I went overboard b/c my in-laws are from the 1800s and I have lost the relationship wiht nieecs as a result.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 04:22     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:DH’s sister emailed the extended family. I know he won’t do it. I can just drop the rope and not do it right? His family and all?


You don’t have to do anything, but choices have consequences. Your choice not to take 20 minutes to do something special for your nieces might mean strained family relationships. You have probably already spent more time reading what other people think about your decision to abstain from letter writing and you could have written each of them about 5 letters.
I’ll never understand why people need a majority ruling on whether they should or shouldn’t act like a kind person and specifically why they need others to agree when they think it’s fine to act like a @#$*
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 04:19     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.


Why won’t my husband?


Because he’s a jerk? Because he doesn’t care about children? Because he doesn’t like his nieces? Because he only values making other people happy if they’ll give him something in return? Because he has adhd and thinks it’s a good idea and he fully intends to but lacks the ability to follow through? Because he’s functionally illiterate? Because his hands are broken?

I don’t know your husband so I can’t say for sure, but that’s the first 7 ideas that popped into my mind. What do you think is the reason? And why does how he chooses to behave impact your decision to write to your nieces?

It’s one thing to say each person handles their side of the family, but I don’t feel like that necessarily has to apply to children on either side. I don’t even like going to the post office but my niece (3yo) loves getting mail and singing the mail song, so I ordered stamps online so I can send her a little letter with some stickers in it without even leaving the house. Well technically leaving the house but just to the mailbox. There are even companies that will send cards to people for you. You can use a pre made card, or you can upload an image and create your own. You type in the text to be printed inside the card, and the address it goes to. Theyll print and mail it for you. It costs maybe $3.


I feel the same way- the your family your responsibility doesn’t apply to kids. I only have two niece/nephews on my husband’s side so it’s fairly easy I guess. But I really do love them as much as my own siblings kids and like to do nice things for them.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 03:40     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
My mom sent us to camp with pre addressed envelopes to write to certain family members. Then they wrote back. Seems like the nicer way to do it.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 03:16     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.


Why won’t my husband?


Because he’s a jerk? Because he doesn’t care about children? Because he doesn’t like his nieces? Because he only values making other people happy if they’ll give him something in return? Because he has adhd and thinks it’s a good idea and he fully intends to but lacks the ability to follow through? Because he’s functionally illiterate? Because his hands are broken?

I don’t know your husband so I can’t say for sure, but that’s the first 7 ideas that popped into my mind. What do you think is the reason? And why does how he chooses to behave impact your decision to write to your nieces?

It’s one thing to say each person handles their side of the family, but I don’t feel like that necessarily has to apply to children on either side. I don’t even like going to the post office but my niece (3yo) loves getting mail and singing the mail song, so I ordered stamps online so I can send her a little letter with some stickers in it without even leaving the house. Well technically leaving the house but just to the mailbox. There are even companies that will send cards to people for you. You can use a pre made card, or you can upload an image and create your own. You type in the text to be printed inside the card, and the address it goes to. Theyll print and mail it for you. It costs maybe $3.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 00:59     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.


Why won’t my husband?

Because this sort of thing is a female thing. So is (in general), remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And women create these situations, and then get mad when their men forget to do it or don't do it the way the woman wanted it done.

I'm a wife of 20+ years, and believe that once you see it the way I've outlined above, it can only benefit you, and save you from being angry in these situations.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 00:22     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
It makes me sad that some people don’t invest in family anymore. I’m 53 and vividly remember the first piece of mail I got while away at college was a note and a drawing from my aunt and 5 year old cousin. The first person to send my college daughter a note? That cousin now all grown up (with her own small kids) and remembering how I’ve told her how much it meant to me.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2022 00:04     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
OP, it sounds as though you have poor communications with your husband. We have no idea if he will, or why he won't, write letters to his nieces at camp. And we all get that you're overwhelmed with your white lady EMOTIONAL LABOR. It's exhausting to be you, no doubt.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2022 23:42     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have to? No. But why wouldn’t you? It will take a few minutes and put a huge smile on your niece’s face.


Why won’t my husband?


Maybe, like many kids, your husband needs some scaffolding. This time, you grab a postcard or free notecard from your stationery pile, address it to your niece, and hand it to your husband with a pen and ask him to write a cheery note. Next time, you hand him the postcard or notecard and remind him that his sister sent the address. The third time, you remind your husband that his sent the address and that it would be nice for him to send a note.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2022 23:34     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sure. My SIL dropped the rope and now my kids never get presents or cards for birthdays and Christmas from my brother and his family. You too can drop the rope, just so long as you're fine not having relationships with your nieces and nephews.


Your brother is pretty awful. Nature, nurture or both? Good for his wife for not trying to “fix” his relationships with his family: that’s his choice.


FWIW, it means she is also choosing not to have a good relationship with the kids who call her "aunt." They're not as hung up on the fact that she is their aunt "by marriage." In their minds, she's just their aunt, and in that family, neither the uncle nor the aunt seem to care to get to know the kids.


I was team no need to write the girls, but this hit me. Both my parents had only brothers. Yes, men need to get better at this stuff but I watched my aunts fawn over their nieces and nephews by blood and basically ignore us. Why not build the relationship?
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2022 23:20     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
You don’t have to but I don’t know why you wouldn’t.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2022 23:18     Subject: Re:SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:You don't have to do it, but it would take 5 minutes to scrawl a couple sentences, and it would likely make your niece happy. Why wouldn't you do it?


Exactly how I’d feel about it. Also I consider the next generation on both sides of our family my nieces and nephews.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2022 23:15     Subject: Re:SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
Anonymous wrote:You don't have to do it, but it would take 5 minutes to scrawl a couple sentences, and it would likely make your niece happy. Why wouldn't you do it?


Plus 1. It says a lot about you if you decide not to.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2022 23:15     Subject: SIL wants us to write her girls letters at camp
My mother spent the last 30 years ignoring my cousin, her goddaughter (blood niece) and is now pissy she doesn't call her when she's in town and isn't invited to her wedding. You get what you put in.