Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we had our third child, we made the decision to get an au pair. Probably the best decision we ever made and I had wished we had done it sooner, like when we had our second child. Our children at the time were 6 months, 4 and 7. We have hired 5 au pairs over the last 7-8 years. We didn't have one for the last year (because of COVID restrictions) and we just matched with a new one to come in about 2 months. Though she will probably be our last as our oldest will be able to drive in about a six months.

First, we absolutely did this because it was cheaper than hiring a nanny. I'm not sure why people seem to find that a problem. The financial numbers were heavily in favor of getting an au pair for 3 children and it wasn't even close given paying for 2 day care payments and after school care for our oldest. We weren't that concerned about an au pair with a small baby because we both tended to work from home a lot (even before COVID) and can cover any issues.

Second, if you can deal with someone else living in your house and if you have the space then it can work great. If you don't want someone living in your house then it won't. We have always looked at our au pairs as younger sisters and preparing us for when our children get into adulthood.

Third, many of the issues people have posted can be corrected but doing your due diligence during the matching period and having a firm set of expectations fixes most of those issues. Notice I didn't say rules but expectations. We had a working document that was 12-15 pages that talked about all kinds of things from having friends over, use of the car, curfew (we didn't have one beyond telling them to text us when they got home), drinking, dishes, hours of work, etc. Mostly, we told them they were young adults that had been on their on and we would treat them like that. We never had an issued. We gave this document to all the girls we interviewed and moved forward with during the matching period. Those that didn't like self-selected themselves out though no girl ever said that. The au pair coming in was basically told she was going to have her days off and then just be a taxi driver from 3 to 6/7 PM shuttling our kids around to various stuff and then work fulltime during the summer. We had some potential AP decline because of that but we didn't want to hide anything from them.

Fourth, we specific requirements on what type of au pair we were looking for. We want them to be on the older side - 23 and up (didn't want to deal with underage drinking), went to college and had some type of future plan, could swim (though that isn't an issue any more), tended to active/sporty, they had to spent at least 3 months away from home (they know how to deal with homesickness), and we tended to focus on European au pairs because they tended to be better drivers. In fact, all of our au pairs were from Eastern Europe. Our first au pair actually found our 2nd au pair and, to some degree, all of our au pairs have all vetted their replacements. 3 of out of the 5 au pairs have come back to visit with us and another got married and lives about 30 minutes away (we see her occasionally).

Fifth, we have also been very flexible with them. We understand that being an au pair is a two way street. We have always worked with them to take advantage of their time in the US including giving them a day off for a long weekend not around a federal holiday so long as we have enough lead time. My spouse and I have pretty flexible jobs so we can work around them. Not something all families can do. Though we know other families that have very strict provisions on when they would have their 2 weeks off. We also have had our au pairs friends/other au pairs, tell us some horror stories about what they deal with (working beyond the number of hours, getting constantly screamed at, and much worse).

Our children, especially our youngest have become very attached to the au pairs. They always want to see the houses they've lived in, what they did etc. So you get what you put into it. If you just want a slap dash, pick anyone, then you are going to likely be disappointed but if you put in time at the beginning, you'll likely find one.

Being an au pair at age 23 is a clear indication they have no future plans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we had our third child, we made the decision to get an au pair. Probably the best decision we ever made and I had wished we had done it sooner, like when we had our second child. Our children at the time were 6 months, 4 and 7. We have hired 5 au pairs over the last 7-8 years. We didn't have one for the last year (because of COVID restrictions) and we just matched with a new one to come in about 2 months. Though she will probably be our last as our oldest will be able to drive in about a six months.

First, we absolutely did this because it was cheaper than hiring a nanny. I'm not sure why people seem to find that a problem. The financial numbers were heavily in favor of getting an au pair for 3 children and it wasn't even close given paying for 2 day care payments and after school care for our oldest. We weren't that concerned about an au pair with a small baby because we both tended to work from home a lot (even before COVID) and can cover any issues.

Second, if you can deal with someone else living in your house and if you have the space then it can work great. If you don't want someone living in your house then it won't. We have always looked at our au pairs as younger sisters and preparing us for when our children get into adulthood.

Third, many of the issues people have posted can be corrected but doing your due diligence during the matching period and having a firm set of expectations fixes most of those issues. Notice I didn't say rules but expectations. We had a working document that was 12-15 pages that talked about all kinds of things from having friends over, use of the car, curfew (we didn't have one beyond telling them to text us when they got home), drinking, dishes, hours of work, etc. Mostly, we told them they were young adults that had been on their on and we would treat them like that. We never had an issued. We gave this document to all the girls we interviewed and moved forward with during the matching period. Those that didn't like self-selected themselves out though no girl ever said that. The au pair coming in was basically told she was going to have her days off and then just be a taxi driver from 3 to 6/7 PM shuttling our kids around to various stuff and then work fulltime during the summer. We had some potential AP decline because of that but we didn't want to hide anything from them.

Fourth, we specific requirements on what type of au pair we were looking for. We want them to be on the older side - 23 and up (didn't want to deal with underage drinking), went to college and had some type of future plan, could swim (though that isn't an issue any more), tended to active/sporty, they had to spent at least 3 months away from home (they know how to deal with homesickness), and we tended to focus on European au pairs because they tended to be better drivers. In fact, all of our au pairs were from Eastern Europe. Our first au pair actually found our 2nd au pair and, to some degree, all of our au pairs have all vetted their replacements. 3 of out of the 5 au pairs have come back to visit with us and another got married and lives about 30 minutes away (we see her occasionally).

Fifth, we have also been very flexible with them. We understand that being an au pair is a two way street. We have always worked with them to take advantage of their time in the US including giving them a day off for a long weekend not around a federal holiday so long as we have enough lead time. My spouse and I have pretty flexible jobs so we can work around them. Not something all families can do. Though we know other families that have very strict provisions on when they would have their 2 weeks off. We also have had our au pairs friends/other au pairs, tell us some horror stories about what they deal with (working beyond the number of hours, getting constantly screamed at, and much worse).

Our children, especially our youngest have become very attached to the au pairs. They always want to see the houses they've lived in, what they did etc. So you get what you put into it. If you just want a slap dash, pick anyone, then you are going to likely be disappointed but if you put in time at the beginning, you'll likely find one.

Being an au pair at age 23 is a clear indication they have no future plans.

Anonymous wrote:When we had our third child, we made the decision to get an au pair. Probably the best decision we ever made and I had wished we had done it sooner, like when we had our second child. Our children at the time were 6 months, 4 and 7. We have hired 5 au pairs over the last 7-8 years. We didn't have one for the last year (because of COVID restrictions) and we just matched with a new one to come in about 2 months. Though she will probably be our last as our oldest will be able to drive in about a six months.

First, we absolutely did this because it was cheaper than hiring a nanny. I'm not sure why people seem to find that a problem. The financial numbers were heavily in favor of getting an au pair for 3 children and it wasn't even close given paying for 2 day care payments and after school care for our oldest. We weren't that concerned about an au pair with a small baby because we both tended to work from home a lot (even before COVID) and can cover any issues.

Second, if you can deal with someone else living in your house and if you have the space then it can work great. If you don't want someone living in your house then it won't. We have always looked at our au pairs as younger sisters and preparing us for when our children get into adulthood.

Third, many of the issues people have posted can be corrected but doing your due diligence during the matching period and having a firm set of expectations fixes most of those issues. Notice I didn't say rules but expectations. We had a working document that was 12-15 pages that talked about all kinds of things from having friends over, use of the car, curfew (we didn't have one beyond telling them to text us when they got home), drinking, dishes, hours of work, etc. Mostly, we told them they were young adults that had been on their on and we would treat them like that. We never had an issued. We gave this document to all the girls we interviewed and moved forward with during the matching period. Those that didn't like self-selected themselves out though no girl ever said that. The au pair coming in was basically told she was going to have her days off and then just be a taxi driver from 3 to 6/7 PM shuttling our kids around to various stuff and then work fulltime during the summer. We had some potential AP decline because of that but we didn't want to hide anything from them.

Fourth, we specific requirements on what type of au pair we were looking for. We want them to be on the older side - 23 and up (didn't want to deal with underage drinking), went to college and had some type of future plan, could swim (though that isn't an issue any more), tended to active/sporty, they had to spent at least 3 months away from home (they know how to deal with homesickness), and we tended to focus on European au pairs because they tended to be better drivers. In fact, all of our au pairs were from Eastern Europe. Our first au pair actually found our 2nd au pair and, to some degree, all of our au pairs have all vetted their replacements. 3 of out of the 5 au pairs have come back to visit with us and another got married and lives about 30 minutes away (we see her occasionally).

Fifth, we have also been very flexible with them. We understand that being an au pair is a two way street. We have always worked with them to take advantage of their time in the US including giving them a day off for a long weekend not around a federal holiday so long as we have enough lead time. My spouse and I have pretty flexible jobs so we can work around them. Not something all families can do. Though we know other families that have very strict provisions on when they would have their 2 weeks off. We also have had our au pairs friends/other au pairs, tell us some horror stories about what they deal with (working beyond the number of hours, getting constantly screamed at, and much worse).

Our children, especially our youngest have become very attached to the au pairs. They always want to see the houses they've lived in, what they did etc. So you get what you put into it. If you just want a slap dash, pick anyone, then you are going to likely be disappointed but if you put in time at the beginning, you'll likely find one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted an Au pair for two years. I will not do it again for so many of the reasons above and also add another one - I grossly underestimated how much I would have having a 21 year old roommate. Ugh. Gladly switched back to a nanny. It was never about finding “cheap” childcare for us. I thought the flexibility would be great and also looked forward to a cultural exchange. My experience was less than stellar.

Tell the truth. You opted for an au pair because you wanted the cheapest child care which does not speak well of you and how much you value your children's welfare,!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hosted an Au pair for two years. I will not do it again for so many of the reasons above and also add another one - I grossly underestimated how much I would have having a 21 year old roommate. Ugh. Gladly switched back to a nanny. It was never about finding “cheap” childcare for us. I thought the flexibility would be great and also looked forward to a cultural exchange. My experience was less than stellar.

Tell the truth. You opted for an au pair because you wanted the cheapest child care which does not speak well of you and how much you value your children's welfare,!

Not the PP, but we had an aupair because of the split schedule too. If we could find a reliable nanny to take the job, we would have hired one. No one wants 6-8am and 3-5:30pm for hours except aupairs.