My DH pretty much dislikes most things I wear. My choices are usually more practical than he would like. When we are going somewhere, he will often ask if there is something else (more to his aesthetic) that I could wear. I indulge him sometimes. We have gotten into arguments about this more than once in the 20+ years we have been married. But these are the things that sometimes happen in an otherwise normal marriage.

But he is a very respectful man at his core. What you are saying happened with your DH is something entirely different. That he would belittle you like that, drag your kids into it, and then ultimately leave with out you. That is a BIG problem. He is a big problem.

Please take the advice of someone who doesn't have a storybook marriage. With the phrase "for better or worse," what you are describing is not the normal "worse" that happens in a marriage. It is very much a red flag. Protect yourself and your children (they will be next.)

Anonymous wrote:I do not get the posters siding with him at all. This is such mean and controlling behavior. It is not a spat or them both communicating poorly. Also, completely inappropriate to involve the kids.

Totally agree.

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a narcissist. Be careful.

Op: actually I’ve started to suspect that based on other things. What about this scenario makes you think that?

UM, OMG OP.

Controlling behavior like telling you what to wear and using your kids against you?

Finally, a man who can take the kids out by himself.

Anonymous wrote:My husband will say “that dress isn’t that flattering” or “I’m not sure about your haircut” etc, but blow up at me, encourage the kids to make fun of me, and leave without me if I don’t dress the way he wants? Hard no.

We women scrutinize ourselves pretty thoroughly in general. Husbands typically need not pipe in.

OP ignore the troll posts. They’re written by the same person, they are trying to create drama.

You already know that your husband is out of line. It’s one thing for a partner to say I love you in x outfit, or honey I think you are over/underdressed for xyz why not wear a or b.

This guy is just trying to hurt your feelings or make you insecure. Who cares if your spouse wears a shirt you don’t like. Everyone I’ve seriously dated has had an odd shirt or jacket that I didn’t care for. I don’t get embarrassed my the outfit of a person I love.

And the comment about stuffing your face? Whatever your weight is this is not meant in anyway to be a good faith comment on your health or habits. Both of the incidents you mention are pointedly aimed at making you feel bad about your appearance…. He’ll get worse and this isn’t about your looks.

I had an ex go from telling me how beautiful I was and how much he loved my body to telling me I should wear more makeup, skip dinner and that I wasn’t getting younger. All of this within a summer.

No I didn’t gain weight or look different. I had taken a trip he didn’t want me to go on (with family) and turned down sex the night I returned because I had cramps.

Rinse repeat over a year long relationship with him being a bigger jerk every time.
It was about me saying no and having my own life.

Don’t know what your husbands deal is but a few guesses- he’s cheating or looking to and is creating “reasons” it’s your fault and he is justified. He’s unhappy with his job, himself, being a husband or dad, or he thinks you’re not being a good wife 🙄 and he’s punishing you.

Get your finances together, don’t rock the boat and consider your options

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Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Yeah, no. Did you miss the part where he left without her?

Yeah, no, she did not change right? He then called several times and she did not pick up the phone, right? Neither of them are making good decisions. They both sound immature and their feelings are getting hurt quite a lot. All of which is fine by itself. Unfortunately, they have also produced two kids and this can and will impact them.

She doesn’t need to change, fool. He doesn’t decree what she can and cannot wear on HER body.

You're right he can't make her change, but he Can choose to leave without her.. Why does she need to make a big deal out of her husband not liking her outfit? Why ruin a day with her family because she's too stubborn and selfish to change her shirt? Marriage is about compromise, sometimes that means changing your clothes. Hardly a difficult task to avoid a heated argument and marital / family issues over.

+1 THIS

Learn to compromise lady

Nah. Nope. That's not it. She's an adult and can wear whatever she chooses. She doesn't need a man who tells her what to wear or makes fun of her because he doesn't like her outfit. Teasing her in front of the kids was a controlling move to make her feel bad so that she would change. Compromise in marriage is not about outfit changes or telling her to "stop stuffing her face" while eating. He's a jerk and so are you for agreeing with him.

Nah. Nope. She is not a single woman who can dress up like Honey Boo Boo's mom in public. She is going out with her family and she cannot embarrass them by dressing like a bumble bee who should have stopped stuffing her face several sizes ago.

Besides, women are critical of how their spouse and children dress all the time and no one would have criticized her if she had objected to her DH wearing a hideous outfit for a public outing.

Anonymous wrote:I do not get the posters siding with him at all. This is such mean and controlling behavior. It is not a spat or them both communicating poorly. Also, completely inappropriate to involve the kids.

+100! I think it’s the same person or possibly just two and they sound like a troll. His reaction was completely inappropriate. My husband will voice his opinions about what I’m wearing but would never mock me or leave without me. I did date a jealous man once who used to ask me to change but it started off subtle where he would tell me he liked me in a particular outfit better, turned out he thought the first outfit was too revealing in a certain way (showed too much skin, was too tight, etc.) - took me some time to catch on.

I do not get the posters siding with him at all. This is such mean and controlling behavior. It is not a spat or them both communicating poorly. Also, completely inappropriate to involve the kids.

You looked pretty and sexy in your off-shoulder top so he didn’t want to take you to the bbq because you would have gotten positive attention. This guy is a major control freak and will criticize you and your kids until none of you have any self-esteem. Get out now, sister.

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Anonymous wrote:I'd be thankful I have a husband that's honest and tells me I look ridiculous instead of letting me leave the house looking that way. Going without you wasn't the best choice but you also could have just changed and moved on.

Nope.

Nope.Nope.Nope

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Anonymous wrote:Are you dead serious??!

Your husband refused to accompany you to a bar-b-que simply because he didn’t want to be seen w/you in public?

Wow.
Just wow.

And to do such a despicable thing in front of the kids!

Honestly? > I would divorce a man who treated me like that.
He sounds very immature to me.

Divorcing with two small kids because of a spat...yup, that is so mature. Why do you people have children though? Sure, have sex because that is a bodily function most cannot do without, but why do you have kids? Can you rehome your children?

Oh shut up.

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Anonymous wrote:How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

Op: we have a 2yr old and the other night he said something at dinner and DH couldn’t hear him and I couldn’t either, so DH snapped at me to “stop stuffing my face”. Stuff like that is happening more often now.

What does this mean? And again, why are you getting so pissed when he is pissed. And what is making him so pissed when you are pissed. And why did this cycle start and when will this end?