Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:35     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your H's lack of reaction or rather immediate defensiveness makes me think there's a history of you complaining about SIL to him and he's sensitive to it.

Any normal person would be furious. If my sibling, whom I love deeply, did this to our house I'd be very upset along with my spouse.

Definitely get a camera for the door.


Op here. Ding ding ding! He is allergic to criticism of anyone in his family. The denial runs deep.
I have complained about SIL in the past. The big one was when she asked for a login/password to watch a show that was included for free on one of our accounts, then proceeded to BUY additional shows and movies but didn’t tell us. When I was looking at credit card bill, I noticed charges that seemed odd, and realized she had purchased movies and just charged it to the default payment method. She never said a word. Spoiler alert- i was livid. When dh asked her about it, she said yes I bought the movies. No apology. Spoiler alert- he defended her and said he would pay for the movies. “What’s the big deal it’s not that much money just movies.”

Same pattern at work here. I feel like I’m painted as the overreacter and he defends her with no harm or not a big deal.


You are overreacting, though. "Livid" is not really the right reaction to some movie charges. I would be annoyed and then I would change my password and decline to let her use the subscriptions services again. She sounds like a careless mooch, which is not really a furious/livid/lose you sh!t over situation. If you go in with guns blazing blowing a situation out of proportion, you DH is more likely to be defensive.


Op here. I consider knowingly charging something to someone’s credit card, without the decency to ask or say something, akin to stealing. At best, it’s mooching. At worst, it’s being shady.


Right, but you do know that the only person you hurt by becoming overly outraged in this situation is yourself? You let your SIL take up prime real estate in your brain that could be used for other things. This is not that big of a deal. Cut off access, deny her any ability to use it in the future, and then forget about it. The joke's on you for reacting this way.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:32     Subject: Re:SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Given your relationship with her, you know very well it is pointless to engage on this.

Unless you are still picking for a fight. And you shouldn’t.

Stop. Breathe and protect your relationship with your husband and your sanity.

Set firm boundaries and anytime asked, remind why.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:26     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your H's lack of reaction or rather immediate defensiveness makes me think there's a history of you complaining about SIL to him and he's sensitive to it.

Any normal person would be furious. If my sibling, whom I love deeply, did this to our house I'd be very upset along with my spouse.

Definitely get a camera for the door.


Op here. Ding ding ding! He is allergic to criticism of anyone in his family. The denial runs deep.
I have complained about SIL in the past. The big one was when she asked for a login/password to watch a show that was included for free on one of our accounts, then proceeded to BUY additional shows and movies but didn’t tell us. When I was looking at credit card bill, I noticed charges that seemed odd, and realized she had purchased movies and just charged it to the default payment method. She never said a word. Spoiler alert- i was livid. When dh asked her about it, she said yes I bought the movies. No apology. Spoiler alert- he defended her and said he would pay for the movies. “What’s the big deal it’s not that much money just movies.”

Same pattern at work here. I feel like I’m painted as the overreacter and he defends her with no harm or not a big deal.


Then why is your thread title all about SIL and whether you should say something to her, and not “My husband is a weak jackass when it comes to his sister and I need marriage counseling”?
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:18     Subject: Re:SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:It was an accident. Nothing bad happened. Your reaction, and that of many of the other posters, is way over the top. "Furious"? "Livid"? Nothing bad happened! Get over it. You are expending way too much mental energy on this. Just note to yourself not to let her go in your house the next time you are away, if you are so convinced that she is grossly negligent.

I would be much, much more annoyed with my neighbors for not checking up on my wide-open front door for a week.


yup, shit happens. SIL could have been more apologetic, but obviously you're not friends anyways, so nothing lost there.

my cousin did something similar, not wide open, but accidently left our vacation home door slightly ajar for weeks- house was fine. I didn't even bother to mention it, since I'm sure it was an accident and she never did it again. Cut your SIL a break, it happens to the best of us.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:14     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your H's lack of reaction or rather immediate defensiveness makes me think there's a history of you complaining about SIL to him and he's sensitive to it.

Any normal person would be furious. If my sibling, whom I love deeply, did this to our house I'd be very upset along with my spouse.

Definitely get a camera for the door.


Op here. Ding ding ding! He is allergic to criticism of anyone in his family. The denial runs deep.
I have complained about SIL in the past. The big one was when she asked for a login/password to watch a show that was included for free on one of our accounts, then proceeded to BUY additional shows and movies but didn’t tell us. When I was looking at credit card bill, I noticed charges that seemed odd, and realized she had purchased movies and just charged it to the default payment method. She never said a word. Spoiler alert- i was livid. When dh asked her about it, she said yes I bought the movies. No apology. Spoiler alert- he defended her and said he would pay for the movies. “What’s the big deal it’s not that much money just movies.”

Same pattern at work here. I feel like I’m painted as the overreacter and he defends her with no harm or not a big deal.


You are overreacting, though. "Livid" is not really the right reaction to some movie charges. I would be annoyed and then I would change my password and decline to let her use the subscriptions services again. She sounds like a careless mooch, which is not really a furious/livid/lose you sh!t over situation. If you go in with guns blazing blowing a situation out of proportion, you DH is more likely to be defensive.


Op here. I consider knowingly charging something to someone’s credit card, without the decency to ask or say something, akin to stealing. At best, it’s mooching. At worst, it’s being shady.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:11     Subject: Re:SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
We have cameras for this reason. I would not say anything, but would never allow her to stay at my place. Next time she might set your house in fire.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:09     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your H's lack of reaction or rather immediate defensiveness makes me think there's a history of you complaining about SIL to him and he's sensitive to it.

Any normal person would be furious. If my sibling, whom I love deeply, did this to our house I'd be very upset along with my spouse.

Definitely get a camera for the door.


Op here. Ding ding ding! He is allergic to criticism of anyone in his family. The denial runs deep.
I have complained about SIL in the past. The big one was when she asked for a login/password to watch a show that was included for free on one of our accounts, then proceeded to BUY additional shows and movies but didn’t tell us. When I was looking at credit card bill, I noticed charges that seemed odd, and realized she had purchased movies and just charged it to the default payment method. She never said a word. Spoiler alert- i was livid. When dh asked her about it, she said yes I bought the movies. No apology. Spoiler alert- he defended her and said he would pay for the movies. “What’s the big deal it’s not that much money just movies.”

Same pattern at work here. I feel like I’m painted as the overreacter and he defends her with no harm or not a big deal.


You are overreacting, though. "Livid" is not really the right reaction to some movie charges. I would be annoyed and then I would change my password and decline to let her use the subscriptions services again. She sounds like a careless mooch, which is not really a furious/livid/lose you sh!t over situation. If you go in with guns blazing blowing a situation out of proportion, you DH is more likely to be defensive.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:07     Subject: Re:SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
It was an accident. Nothing bad happened. Your reaction, and that of many of the other posters, is way over the top. "Furious"? "Livid"? Nothing bad happened! Get over it. You are expending way too much mental energy on this. Just note to yourself not to let her go in your house the next time you are away, if you are so convinced that she is grossly negligent.

I would be much, much more annoyed with my neighbors for not checking up on my wide-open front door for a week.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 17:03     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:Your H's lack of reaction or rather immediate defensiveness makes me think there's a history of you complaining about SIL to him and he's sensitive to it.

Any normal person would be furious. If my sibling, whom I love deeply, did this to our house I'd be very upset along with my spouse.

Definitely get a camera for the door.


Op here. Ding ding ding! He is allergic to criticism of anyone in his family. The denial runs deep.
I have complained about SIL in the past. The big one was when she asked for a login/password to watch a show that was included for free on one of our accounts, then proceeded to BUY additional shows and movies but didn’t tell us. When I was looking at credit card bill, I noticed charges that seemed odd, and realized she had purchased movies and just charged it to the default payment method. She never said a word. Spoiler alert- i was livid. When dh asked her about it, she said yes I bought the movies. No apology. Spoiler alert- he defended her and said he would pay for the movies. “What’s the big deal it’s not that much money just movies.”

Same pattern at work here. I feel like I’m painted as the overreacter and he defends her with no harm or not a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 16:56     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:Ok but SIL says she didnt leave it opened or unlocked. So what does she apologize for?

She apologizes for being the last in the house before you returned and leaving it in a state that the door could blow open.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 16:52     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Ok but SIL says she didnt leave it opened or unlocked. So what does she apologize for?
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 16:40     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Oh boy would I be FURIOUS - relieved that it turned out ok, but FURIOUS.

I don't know if there's any actual solution here other than she's just not allowed to stay ever again. But d*** not apologizing after doing this really takes the cake. My sympathies for your terrible SIL.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 15:45     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would send her a text telling her you don't appreciate that she carelessly left your house unlocked and the door open.


Don’t do this. SIL said she didn’t and since she hasn’t budged it won’t do much except start drama. Op knows not to let SIL stay in her home alone in the future and her husband agrees so there’s no point


Why not? It might make OP feel better.
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 15:37     Subject: SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Anonymous wrote:I would send her a text telling her you don't appreciate that she carelessly left your house unlocked and the door open.


Don’t do this. SIL said she didn’t and since she hasn’t budged it won’t do much except start drama. Op knows not to let SIL stay in her home alone in the future and her husband agrees so there’s no point
Anonymous
Post 06/21/2022 15:33     Subject: Re:SIL left our door open while we were out of town- no apology. Should I say something to her?
Why doesn’t your husband care?

How did the neighbors not notice?

Why the heck did she want to stay at your house?

Does she have a history of being forgetful, boundary-pushing, vindictive, etc.?