Anonymous wrote:I love the beach but cannot imagine going on vacation with my parents or my ILs every summer, no matter the location.
That is a lot to ask of someone.

AND THEIR FRIENDS. OMG. My ILs' friends hassle me about not changing my name, and I've been married 15 years! They think it's "unnatural" that I don't eat red meat. They're always sneaking outside to smoke and then lying about it as if we can't see them from the window, it's insane. And they never want to do anything, and they get up at 6 AM and make a ton of noise in the kitchen but then you come downstairs and realize they made 1 Keurig cup and there's no breakfast.

Just my 0.02- sometimes you just want a change. We have been going to Turks and Caicos every February for the past 10 years. It is beautiful, we all love it and have a great time. But this past year, I just felt like this was the last time I want to go and it is time to try something new. So we are looking into planning a new destination for 2023 and I am excited to explore a new area!

The beach is YOUR tradition that DIL has now participated in for several years. It was not her tradition. It is reasonable for her to want to try something else after having gone along with your beach trip for years. It is reasonable for your son to have interest in going someplace new. It is reasonable for your son and DIL to want to start their own family traditions together. None of this is a referendum on you or the beach vacation. They can love your beach vacation and still want to try something different. Your son and DIL are grownups who are entitled to plan their own vacations rather than just do the vacation you want. You can’t expect your grown up children to do the vacation you want to do every single year. Be grateful they are willing to include you in and finance the mountain trip.

Anonymous wrote:Huh? “I prefer the beach. My son and DIL want to go to the mountains this time around. Why can’t they just do what I want instead of what they want?”

OP, I personally LOVE the beach. But they are adults with their own preferences and ideas. It’s unfortunate there wasn’t communication about this change sooner, but vacation time is precious and as the trip approaches, they realized they need to speak up and discuss it with you all.

Um, what? OP stated that they agreed to go to the beach this year but *in January* started asking about mountain resorts for *next year,* as in 2023.

Well, the great thing about mountain resorts is you can go there at different times of year. Why don't you make plans for Labor Day weekend or the 3-day weekend in October? That's a lovely time of year in Shenandoah, Deep Creek Lake, Canaan Valley, southern New York state, southern Pennsylvania, etc. You can do the whole fall thing with leaves, hay ride, hot cider, etc. It will be lovely!

The key to family harmony is not pressuring people do to things they don't want to do, and being happy to bend and flex as children grow.

I love the beach but cannot imagine going on vacation with my parents or my ILs every summer, no matter the location.
That is a lot to ask of someone.

Huh? “I prefer the beach. My son and DIL want to go to the mountains this time around. Why can’t they just do what I want instead of what they want?”

OP, I personally LOVE the beach. But they are adults with their own preferences and ideas. It’s unfortunate there wasn’t communication about this change sooner, but vacation time is precious and as the trip approaches, they realized they need to speak up and discuss it with you all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

A lot of us have had "tradition" weaponized against us, so we're bringing our own feelings about it. For instance, my MIL has a standard Thanksgiving dinner and no dishes are allowed to be added or subtracted. Same with vacations. It becomes oppressive. MILs really don't want DILs inputs.

And that’s when you stop going to Thanksgiving.

This. Why do you do nothing and keep doing the same thing over and over and complaining about it?

Maybe they just want some variety or to try something new. We used to looooove going to Wildwood NJ but as our kids have aged out of making sandcastles we sometimes look into other things like a weekend in Philly, or Vermont or someplace mountain-y where we can do other activiites and enjoy cooler weather.

I would also consider whether they dislike your friends. I would certainly not consider it a vacation if I had to keep my kids on "MIL's friends" level of attire and behavior the whole time. And if your friends are Trumpy or opinionated or insist on keeping the kids quiet, or they smoke or are in any way unpleasant, or stare at your DIL's boobs or tell racist jokes or whatever the problem is, that'll be a no-go. Vacation time is super scarce for most young families and they don't want to spend it doing things that are not enjoyable.

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

OP’s “traditions” are the only ones that matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

A lot of us have had "tradition" weaponized against us, so we're bringing our own feelings about it. For instance, my MIL has a standard Thanksgiving dinner and no dishes are allowed to be added or subtracted. Same with vacations. It becomes oppressive. MILs really don't want DILs inputs.

And that’s when you stop going to Thanksgiving.

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

Yeah, there's something to be said about tradition--that the young family starts their own. They'll go to the mountains every summer and rigid grandma will be left pouting and hurting because she cannot fathom that not everyone likes the same thing that she does.

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

A lot of us have had "tradition" weaponized against us, so we're bringing our own feelings about it. For instance, my MIL has a standard Thanksgiving dinner and no dishes are allowed to be added or subtracted. Same with vacations. It becomes oppressive. MILs really don't want DILs inputs.

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

Tradition shouldn't used as a reason to stifle people's interests.

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

But they are not changing the actual tradition of vacationing together, but they are looking to adapt the tradition to fit their lifestyle or preferences. It’s called growth.