Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 3 months. It’s going well except she is more messy than I am. Unlike most men, I’m very neat and like to keep things clean. I hate clutter. I rinse + put dishes in dishwasher right away - gf will put in sink or just leave on kitchen counter until end of day, I will do laundry & fold + put away right away - gf throws her stuff everywhere and never seems to fold or put away. I put things back - gf leaves the bathroom counter a mess with all of her products. I clean the fridge every week before grocery shopping - gf never does it until after or checks that we’re out of something until after. I do a reset every night - dishes put away + run dishwasher, fold blanket, wipe down counters - gf had left it messy many times one the nights she stay up later than I do. I know this is very insignificant and doesn’t really matter, but is it annoying habit she has. I just need to vent my frustrations to someone who hopefully gets it.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping dishes in the sink until the end of the day, and then loading them in the dishwasher. As long as it's not overnight, it won't cause pest issue. Folding blankets is also over the top, people just cover the beds with blankets and coverlets. What is even "folding" the blankets?

OP here. Maybe I’m confusing people. I don’t mean blankets on the bed, though that’d one thing my gf insists we do. She always makes the bed every morning.

The blankets I’m talking about are the ones we use while we watch tv. Every night before bed I will pick up any dishes ( she leaves her glasses or drinks everywhere), fold the blanket and put it away, and run the dishwasher. We cook every night and I always make sure to wash up any dishes and wipe down the counters. We have a cleaning lady that comes twice a month to handle all the deep cleaning. I like to keep things neat because our place is small and just a couple of things out make it look messy.

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a neat freak, OP. It's ok to be a neat person but what you describe is borderline autistic fixation on things being in order. Almost nobody cleans the fridge before grocery shopping (and what's the point? There are always long lasting things in the fridge, isnt it enough to wipe it once a month? ). Of course laundry needs to be washed and not thrown all over the house. I just accumulate it in one basket for the week and do laundry in one day on weekends. I never wash and fold it right away as it takes a LOT of time

You should work towards finding a middle ground, and it's not just her who needs some work

OP here. Maybe I wasn’t being clear. I don’t clean out the fridge as in wipe down or anything. I just throw out things that are old or will never be eaten and just organize it a little so I know what to get from the store. We have a clean lady who cleans it once a month.

I’m just used to be being neat. I grew up with a military dad and a mom who cleaned houses and taught me to clean.

The thing that gets to me the most is her clothes thrown everywhere. The entire walk-in closet is a mess with her shoes and clothes dumped everywhere. The other thing is I have no counter space because she leaves her makeup and skin products all over the counter.

Anonymous wrote:OP— you are fine. Ignore the DCUM idiots in this thread. I recommend that you break up with this gf. Her kind of messiness won’t get better. Cut her loose and look for someone who matches your style.

Nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with her. You two may not be a good match and that’s okay. Find a better match for you.

Anonymous wrote:That is why living together before marriage is important. If she never changes, would this be a dealbreaker for you? My DH sounds like your gf. Over the years, he has learned to always put his dirty laundry in the hamper, put down the toilet seat, and throw away trash. That’s pretty much it. I handle the rest because I care more about those things and he handles other stuff I don’t want to do.

OP here. It’s not a dealbreaker.

Anonymous wrote:Have you TOLD her this is bothering you?

Would you want to live with this for the rest of your life? If you got a weekly cleaner, keep in mind that means she'd have even less urge to clean because they'll get to it. And your home would be clean for one day only. If you had kids with her, would you be okay if the kids learned her messy habits?

I knew myself well enough to know I had to marry someone as clean or cleaner than I am.

OP here. I have told her about it and she is good for a little while with it but then gets messy again.

Anonymous wrote:Messy girls make the best lovers. True or not true?

Gag! Even if that were true, you’d still have to put up with bad hygiene/odor. A deal breaker.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have what is called obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. Read up on it.

Yes, my exH was like that. he would storm from a ticking clock on the wall or a water dripping from the faucet (not my faults at all). Also he was lining objects perfectly in line, placing paintings of same painter on walls etc. He cheated on me eventually, and she's way more messy than me so I keep thinking how they will get along. He didn't even open the pool for 2 years in a row since divorce in his house, as I was the one taking care of the pool and he never noticed. I was cleaning it daily (as ordered by him) from leaves. I had no more time to wash and fold his laundry every day. He was impossible to live with, extremely demanding and it cost me my career to take care of all his obsessive needs. Our son is autistic.

I now live separately from him, and my house is neat but I am not obsessed with cleaning every day. I could leave a few dishes in a sink and then load dishwasher overnight; I don't vacuum daily and clean counters when there is food on them, not otherwise. Few people have time for multiple tiny things that OP is talking about.

OP I hope your girlfriend runs as fast as she can from you because your habits are not standard.

OP— you are fine. Ignore the DCUM idiots in this thread. I recommend that you break up with this gf. Her kind of messiness won’t get better. Cut her loose and look for someone who matches your style.

OP, you have what is called obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. Read up on it.

Talk to her.
Ask her if she can commit to doing a 10 min clean every day. Im messy and DH is clean (although not to your level) and it was a constant source of friction in our marriage and this was with cleaners.
Three years ago i decided to do 10 mins a day no matter what. Its really changed our relationship for the better.

Sorry pal but this doesn't get better. It only gets worse and then multiplyed with kids. Ask me how I know. -a single man

Well you're not compatible. Better just to date and live in separate places. Living together kills desire. So does marriage and children.

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who cleans as I go. If I eat something, I will put my plate in the dishwasher once I am done. I do my laundry every day. I wipe my sink and bathroom counters after I use them in the morning. I will swish the toilet with lysol cleaner in the morning. To keep a clean house clean takes a few minutes every day. Another things is that I know how to declutter.

If your girlfriend is spreading her cosmetics or hair styling products in the bathroom counter, she basically needs tote baskets to keep her stuff neatly and a place to stow it away.

I am sure there are many qualities that she has that makes it worthwhile for you to have her in your life. If you cannot stand her messy habits then understand that it will only get worse.

Maybe she can work part time as a maid with a cleaning service and learn on the job?

You do laundry everyday? We have four people and still have only 4-5 loads a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 3 months. It’s going well except she is more messy than I am. Unlike most men, I’m very neat and like to keep things clean. I hate clutter. I rinse + put dishes in dishwasher right away - gf will put in sink or just leave on kitchen counter until end of day, I will do laundry & fold + put away right away - gf throws her stuff everywhere and never seems to fold or put away. I put things back - gf leaves the bathroom counter a mess with all of her products. I clean the fridge every week before grocery shopping - gf never does it until after or checks that we’re out of something until after. I do a reset every night - dishes put away + run dishwasher, fold blanket, wipe down counters - gf had left it messy many times one the nights she stay up later than I do. I know this is very insignificant and doesn’t really matter, but is it annoying habit she has. I just need to vent my frustrations to someone who hopefully gets it.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping dishes in the sink until the end of the day, and then loading them in the dishwasher. As long as it's not overnight, it won't cause pest issue. Folding blankets is also over the top, people just cover the beds with blankets and coverlets. What is even "folding" the blankets?

Throw blankets. Like for the couch/living room. Thought that was obvious.

Why do you need to have so many throw blankets in the living room on couches, and then fold them every day? Isnt it cleaner/easier to have leather furniture that doesn't accumulate dust and not use throw blankets?

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who cleans as I go. If I eat something, I will put my plate in the dishwasher once I am done. I do my laundry every day. I wipe my sink and bathroom counters after I use them in the morning. I will swish the toilet with lysol cleaner in the morning. To keep a clean house clean takes a few minutes every day. Another things is that I know how to declutter.

If your girlfriend is spreading her cosmetics or hair styling products in the bathroom counter, she basically needs tote baskets to keep her stuff neatly and a place to stow it away.

I am sure there are many qualities that she has that makes it worthwhile for you to have her in your life. If you cannot stand her messy habits then understand that it will only get worse.

Maybe she can work part time as a maid with a cleaning service and learn on the job?

Do laundry every day? This is terrible for environment and wastes water to wash a few things at a time. Or you hand wash it?