Anonymous wrote:To be fair, OP probably needed to keep working to pay the bills. This is why a cancer diagnosis is so devastating in the U.S. - you can lose your home if you stop working at the moment your loved one needs you the most.

Anyways, it was a d#ck move for him to yank you from the insurance policy. I’m wondering if there is cognitive decline.

I am wondering if Op was ever there for the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he just told you he’s going to file for divorce. Hope that demanding job was worth it.

She was helping support the family. Give her a break. Marriage is a financial partnership by law; not an emotional one.

Lol, hope your spouse - of you even have one- is aware of your attitude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult children. I have a demanding career. I’m sorry if I could not be there 100 percent.

This is pretty flippant for not supporting your spouse during a life threatening disease. You should stop worrying about the life insurance and realize he's getting his ducks in a row to leave you.

If I got cancer after our kids were out of the house and my DH's response to asking why he didn't fully support me was "ohhhh, sorry, I was busy at work, what did you expect from me?" I'd 100% bounce after I recovered. No point living out the rest of your life with someone who can't step up when needed. You're shocked that you're off the policy? He's shocked that you're a selfish and bad person.

Is this what happened OP?

Most employers aren’t d1cks about an employee’s spouses cancer treatments. The ones who are, the employee leaves.

Anyhow, sounds untenable to stay with this elephant in the room.

Can you both make amends? The real issue seems to be trust and love and priorities. The life insurance change is a shot across the bow to fix that.

Anonymous wrote:Adult children. I have a demanding career. I’m sorry if I could not be there 100 percent.

A man would say this all the time.

He’d even add, “it isn’t my thing.” (To take care of others or take leave or hours off a week)

Anonymous wrote:It is over. Sounds like you weren’t very supportive.

This needs to be talked out. Caretakers of ill people (mentally ill, diseased ill, physically ill) who ALSO work and run the family and children have a TON on their plate logistically, physically, emotionally, etc. They are also dealing with caring for an ill person, the healthcare/insurance/doctor system, and possibly daily treatment schedules for the ill person.
Many individuals would collapse under this or need substantial high quality help and the mean$ to afford it.

What does that even mean “not supportive (enough)”?

My spouse is incapable of being supportive. In all realms. Thus I have other people as PoA, and looped in to help with issues. He’d freeze, he hide at work, he’s hire the first “nurse” he could find on a google search and never speak with them.

Finally, caretaking a grumpy or depressed person is draining. Not all patients are nice and appreciative 24/7, and some are downright hostile. Even your own child, parent or spouse.

Anonymous wrote:My husband just told me that he too me off his life insurance as beneficiary. He basically told me it was b/c I was so unsupportive during his cancer treatment. He said it now all goes to the children.

Wtf.

He should rest up and then talk this out with a joint therapist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he just told you he’s going to file for divorce. Hope that demanding job was worth it.

She was helping support the family. Give her a break. Marriage is a financial partnership by law; not an emotional one.

Well gee in that case all the married women on DCUM who whine that their husbands are not "emotionally available" and don't meet their "emotional needs" should just STFU and give him a break so long as he is working to support the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Time for divorce.

And in a divorce, he will be ordered to name her as a beneficiary at least to the extent it covers CS and any alimony.

Why were you so unsupportive during cancer treatment. That seems cruel.

Never mind, I see the children are adults

Anonymous wrote:Adult children. I have a demanding career. I’m sorry if I could not be there 100 percent.

This is about a lot more than a life insurance policy.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Time for divorce.

And in a divorce, he will be ordered to name her as a beneficiary at least to the extent it covers CS and any alimony.

Why were you so unsupportive during cancer treatment. That seems cruel.

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, OP probably needed to keep working to pay the bills. This is why a cancer diagnosis is so devastating in the U.S. - you can lose your home if you stop working at the moment your loved one needs you the most.

Anyways, it was a d#ck move for him to yank you from the insurance policy. I’m wondering if there is cognitive decline.

Cognitive decline? “Chemo brain” does not account for a decision like this. C’mon. That kind of cognitive decline is more like short-term memory issues, brain fog, etc.

It’s hard to know if OP is an unsupportive spouse or if she struggled to balance her equally essential roles as caregiver and income-earner, which would be understandable. She referred to her “demanding career” in a rather blasé way without any context, which doesn’t reflect well on her - and also has me wondering if she is merely a troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he just told you he’s going to file for divorce. Hope that demanding job was worth it.

She was helping support the family. Give her a break. Marriage is a financial partnership by law; not an emotional one.

What a weird response. Fully irrelevant. He is divorcing her because she wasn’t supportive when he needed it.

Well, to be realistic, someone has to pay the bills. Most couples don't have enough in savings for both to just stop working if one becomes ill. Most people have health insurance tied to employment as well.

To be fair, OP probably needed to keep working to pay the bills. This is why a cancer diagnosis is so devastating in the U.S. - you can lose your home if you stop working at the moment your loved one needs you the most.

Anyways, it was a d#ck move for him to yank you from the insurance policy. I’m wondering if there is cognitive decline.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he just told you he’s going to file for divorce. Hope that demanding job was worth it.

She was helping support the family. Give her a break. Marriage is a financial partnership by law; not an emotional one.

Come again? She checked out on her husband when he needed her.

So she can use that job of her's to support her during the divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he just told you he’s going to file for divorce. Hope that demanding job was worth it.

She was helping support the family. Give her a break. Marriage is a financial partnership by law; not an emotional one.

What a weird response. Fully irrelevant. He is divorcing her because she wasn’t supportive when he needed it.