Yes, I had this experience last summer at a vacation with in laws. Not going again this summer. Never being outnumbered by nonswimming kids by the water again.

I think some degree of anxiety comes with motherhood, for better or worse.

OP this is totally valid (and healthy) anxiety in my opinion.

My in laws have a cabin and are DYING to take my kids by themselves. It's a HUGE NOPE from me and probably will be forever to be honest. My in laws are in good shape, but not fast. My SIL lets them take her kids all the time (3y and 1y) and it gives me so much anxiety. They took her kids Memorial Day weekend and the 1yo ended up in the ER because he ran to a hot grill, put both hands flat against it, and severely burned both palms. My MIL was right there watching him, but couldn't run fast enough to get him before he got to the grill. Imagine if he was running in to the lake, not the grill.

Also, I was at the beach when I was a preteen and a child drowned. The mother's ear piercing wail is forever etched into my mind. I think about it ALL the time and this happened 20+ years ago.

I share this anxiety too. We signed our 13 month old up for ISR (Infant Self Rescue). It was very hard to get into, we don't start lessons until the Fall. https://www.infantswim.com/

I am always on guard when there is water. It is an entirely reasonable and logical fear. And I generally am a 'chill out' kind of parent that doesn't get that in the weeds about extreme safety. But water kills there is no way around it.

I do use puddle jumpers, I know the reasons people say not to use them, but I have three kids and I just cannot physically keep perfect eyes on them and it gives me a clear large visual clue as to their whereabouts so I can find them in the pool, and it helps all of them get pool access time when we get that (which is not that frequent, we live in New England). I have them in real swim lessons once a week too and I have not had any delay in teaching them how to swim.

I regularly put the fear of god in them about the water too. I tell them they can die, etc. I am very chill about so much that I do think the fact that I am constantly drilling water safety with them makes them take it seriously.

With puddle jumpers...I get that it can cause delays and make them feel more comfortable in the vertical position, and that isn't great, but if they didn't have puddle jumpers they wouldn't be permitted to explore the pool because I'd have to be one on one with them literally the entire time, vs being in the pool with them and kind of tag teaming. I dunno I just think this isn't quite as up or down as people think. My kids GET to have fun in the pool and become comfortable in the water because of the puddle jumpers, and they get instruction on swimming regularly. The 6 year old is totally out of them, my 4 year old is close. My 2 year old will keep them on.

But yeah, when you have little kids you can't chill at the pool, it needs to be a highly supervised activity. I let my kids go play on the swingset outside out of my sight while I cook dinner, so I'm not a helicopter, I think my neighbor thinks I'm negligent sometimes! But in the pool, you just rotate through visual checks (kid 1, kid 2, kid 3, repeat), you have to be vigilant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you want your kid to learn put in the time. That means 8 hours in the pool every weekend, practicing.

My DS could swim all over a pool at 3.

You are slow… this isn’t what OP and the others are talking about at all. A 3 year old that has taken lessons and can swim all around a pool should still be watched like a hawk in the water.

Nope. I'm hardly slow.

I spent a lot of my time with my young kids in the pool, and I didn't "worry" about them constantly. I was always in the pool with them, with my eyes on them. What's to worry about?

No floaties or life jackets. Just swimming until they were totally comfortable.

Now if you want to be on the side of the pool with a magazine, that's a problem. Or yakking to a much of friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. This thread has not been helpful so far!

How on earth are you supposed to get through this period of time without flotation devices when you're kid can't yet swim? Mine is in lessons but it's not clicking yet. I am super vigilant at the pool and actually feel like my DH is very vigilant as well, but we are human and can't operate at 100% max vigilance every second, so we were going to use the puddle jumper for "free swim" time this summer so that we can relax a little during at least some of our pool time.

I get the argument that it gives kids a false sense of security but doesn't it make more sense to use it so that parents can get a freaking break, and then just be extremely vigilant when they aren't wearing it (even if out of the pool)? I just don't think "watch them ever single second and never stray far enough away where you couldn't instantly yank them out of the water" is a reasonable expectation, unless the plan is to spend very little time at the pool, which is also not a great way to get your kid swimming.

Can someone explain this one to me?

I swear I am not a Mommy martyr, but no, you don't get to relax at the pool. Relax somewhere else, or build in time to go to the pool alone. Drowning can happen so, so quickly. Even with flotation devices. They can deflate, or fall off, or be taken off, or even with a vest haven't you ever seen a child sort of tilt to the side and not be able to self-correct? You really do need to be watching every second. Yes, it is exhausting.

+1

Also not a mommy martyr but yeah, you don’t get to relax at the pool. You might not even have fun at the pool because it’s so much work. I feel like this is something that no one told me about having kids, seriously: The pool will suck for a decade

I’m sorry pp but I have to agree. I read it’s better to use an actual life vest as they are far more reliable than puddle jumpers which are not recommended generally by folks that study this kind of thing. But even so you just absolutely do not get to relax in the way you’re discussing by a pool with a kid ages 3/4.

It sucks but it’s just not an activity to do if you want relaxation. Or you take turns but you are VERY specific about it, verbal hand off with your spouse and you both have to be equally vigilant and get it.

The highest risk time is a party with lots of adults around. I just avoid rentals that have a pool with them for this exact reason. I want to relax at vacation and with two kids 4 and under having a pool there is just a risk and then I have to have my eye on kids all the time. I’d rather just take it out of the equation. I was a kid that did competitive swim and spent my summers at the pool, I so look forward to the days my kids can just be a fish and we can hang all day around water but it just can’t be when your kids are this age

I will add thougu im not sure it will suck for a decade like pp said. If your kid is 8 and on swim team and a pool with lifeguards.. I’m not sure the average parent is staying VIGILANT all the time, that seems overkill. Yes water is always risky, good swimmers drown. People also fall down grates in the sidewalk and die but we still let our kids walk on the sidewalk. Ok bad example because water is way more dangerous haha but you get the point, there is a point where in supervised pools I think people with strong swimmers let their guard down more

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. This thread has not been helpful so far!

How on earth are you supposed to get through this period of time without flotation devices when you're kid can't yet swim? Mine is in lessons but it's not clicking yet. I am super vigilant at the pool and actually feel like my DH is very vigilant as well, but we are human and can't operate at 100% max vigilance every second, so we were going to use the puddle jumper for "free swim" time this summer so that we can relax a little during at least some of our pool time.

I get the argument that it gives kids a false sense of security but doesn't it make more sense to use it so that parents can get a freaking break, and then just be extremely vigilant when they aren't wearing it (even if out of the pool)? I just don't think "watch them ever single second and never stray far enough away where you couldn't instantly yank them out of the water" is a reasonable expectation, unless the plan is to spend very little time at the pool, which is also not a great way to get your kid swimming.

Can someone explain this one to me?

I swear I am not a Mommy martyr, but no, you don't get to relax at the pool. Relax somewhere else, or build in time to go to the pool alone. Drowning can happen so, so quickly. Even with flotation devices. They can deflate, or fall off, or be taken off, or even with a vest haven't you ever seen a child sort of tilt to the side and not be able to self-correct? You really do need to be watching every second. Yes, it is exhausting.

+1

Also not a mommy martyr but yeah, you don’t get to relax at the pool. You might not even have fun at the pool because it’s so much work. I feel like this is something that no one told me about having kids, seriously: The pool will suck for a decade

I’m sorry pp but I have to agree. I read it’s better to use an actual life vest as they are far more reliable than puddle jumpers which are not recommended generally by folks that study this kind of thing. But even so you just absolutely do not get to relax in the way you’re discussing by a pool with a kid ages 3/4.

It sucks but it’s just not an activity to do if you want relaxation. Or you take turns but you are VERY specific about it, verbal hand off with your spouse and you both have to be equally vigilant and get it.

The highest risk time is a party with lots of adults around. I just avoid rentals that have a pool with them for this exact reason. I want to relax at vacation and with two kids 4 and under having a pool there is just a risk and then I have to have my eye on kids all the time. I’d rather just take it out of the equation. I was a kid that did competitive swim and spent my summers at the pool, I so look forward to the days my kids can just be a fish and we can hang all day around water but it just can’t be when your kids are this age

When my kids were young they wore those swimsuits with the sewn-in floats around the ribcage. I don’t know if those are a thing anymore. Mine were late bloomers when it came to swimming. I had strict boundaries at the pool and most definitely it was complete vigilance on my part. I looked forward to adult swim when I could have them all out of the pool (3 of them).

My biggest fear wasn’t drowning at the pool, but dry drowning which could happen hours after the pool. I lost sleep over that worry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. This thread has not been helpful so far!

How on earth are you supposed to get through this period of time without flotation devices when you're kid can't yet swim? Mine is in lessons but it's not clicking yet. I am super vigilant at the pool and actually feel like my DH is very vigilant as well, but we are human and can't operate at 100% max vigilance every second, so we were going to use the puddle jumper for "free swim" time this summer so that we can relax a little during at least some of our pool time.

I get the argument that it gives kids a false sense of security but doesn't it make more sense to use it so that parents can get a freaking break, and then just be extremely vigilant when they aren't wearing it (even if out of the pool)? I just don't think "watch them ever single second and never stray far enough away where you couldn't instantly yank them out of the water" is a reasonable expectation, unless the plan is to spend very little time at the pool, which is also not a great way to get your kid swimming.

Can someone explain this one to me?

I swear I am not a Mommy martyr, but no, you don't get to relax at the pool. Relax somewhere else, or build in time to go to the pool alone. Drowning can happen so, so quickly. Even with flotation devices. They can deflate, or fall off, or be taken off, or even with a vest haven't you ever seen a child sort of tilt to the side and not be able to self-correct? You really do need to be watching every second. Yes, it is exhausting.

+1

Also not a mommy martyr but yeah, you don’t get to relax at the pool. You might not even have fun at the pool because it’s so much work. I feel like this is something that no one told me about having kids, seriously: The pool will suck for a decade

Anonymous wrote:NP. This thread has not been helpful so far!

How on earth are you supposed to get through this period of time without flotation devices when you're kid can't yet swim? Mine is in lessons but it's not clicking yet. I am super vigilant at the pool and actually feel like my DH is very vigilant as well, but we are human and can't operate at 100% max vigilance every second, so we were going to use the puddle jumper for "free swim" time this summer so that we can relax a little during at least some of our pool time.

I get the argument that it gives kids a false sense of security but doesn't it make more sense to use it so that parents can get a freaking break, and then just be extremely vigilant when they aren't wearing it (even if out of the pool)? I just don't think "watch them ever single second and never stray far enough away where you couldn't instantly yank them out of the water" is a reasonable expectation, unless the plan is to spend very little time at the pool, which is also not a great way to get your kid swimming.

Can someone explain this one to me?

I swear I am not a Mommy martyr, but no, you don't get to relax at the pool. Relax somewhere else, or build in time to go to the pool alone. Drowning can happen so, so quickly. Even with flotation devices. They can deflate, or fall off, or be taken off, or even with a vest haven't you ever seen a child sort of tilt to the side and not be able to self-correct? You really do need to be watching every second. Yes, it is exhausting.

Yes you’re not alone. I was adamant that my in laws install a fence around their pool when my baby turned into a toddler. That combined with extremely strict oversight when we’re there calms my nerves a bit. Only other pool we go near is at my child’s camp and that is shallow with supervision from multiple lifeguards. I had a ton of anxiety before my in laws agreed to fence in their pool and told dh that if they didn’t, we couldn’t stay over while the pool was open in the summer.

Anonymous wrote:One of my earliest memories is nearly drowning in our nextdoor neighbor’s pool. I was 3 and by my parents’ account a confident swimmer, and there were 6-7 adults watching the kids swim, 3 of whom were even in the pool with us. But I got stuck under a big, heavy floating lounge chair thing and got disoriented and couldn’t figure out how to swim around it and surface. I had to be pulled out and CPR done. Drowning takes seconds, and even good swimmers are vulnerable to panic and accidents.

I get the oogies in my stomach every time I see a post on FB of a group of kids and adults at their pool with multiple floats and even worse, a cold beer in each one of them. Floats are super dangerous in pools when kids are around.

Anonymous wrote:NP. This thread has not been helpful so far!

How on earth are you supposed to get through this period of time without flotation devices when you're kid can't yet swim? Mine is in lessons but it's not clicking yet. I am super vigilant at the pool and actually feel like my DH is very vigilant as well, but we are human and can't operate at 100% max vigilance every second, so we were going to use the puddle jumper for "free swim" time this summer so that we can relax a little during at least some of our pool time.

I get the argument that it gives kids a false sense of security but doesn't it make more sense to use it so that parents can get a freaking break, and then just be extremely vigilant when they aren't wearing it (even if out of the pool)? I just don't think "watch them ever single second and never stray far enough away where you couldn't instantly yank them out of the water" is a reasonable expectation, unless the plan is to spend very little time at the pool, which is also not a great way to get your kid swimming.

Can someone explain this one to me?

You dont relax you dolt.
Take turns- 15/20 min each. Or if you want to relax go without a kid.

Anonymous wrote:NP. This thread has not been helpful so far!

How on earth are you supposed to get through this period of time without flotation devices when you're kid can't yet swim? Mine is in lessons but it's not clicking yet. I am super vigilant at the pool and actually feel like my DH is very vigilant as well, but we are human and can't operate at 100% max vigilance every second, so we were going to use the puddle jumper for "free swim" time this summer so that we can relax a little during at least some of our pool time.

I get the argument that it gives kids a false sense of security but doesn't it make more sense to use it so that parents can get a freaking break, and then just be extremely vigilant when they aren't wearing it (even if out of the pool)? I just don't think "watch them ever single second and never stray far enough away where you couldn't instantly yank them out of the water" is a reasonable expectation, unless the plan is to spend very little time at the pool, which is also not a great way to get your kid swimming.

Can someone explain this one to me?

Being at the pool with little kids is exhausting. I remember being in the water non-stop and getting grabbed, kicked and pulled on. Just accept it and know that eventually they will be older and better swimmers and you will not have to do this. As others have said, the floatation devices are dangerous and will delay learning to swim.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His swim instructor has told us how water wings and life vests aren’t great for small kids especially at this age when it’s clicking and they may really learn, it sets up a dangerous situation where they think they can swim after floating in puddle jumpers in a pool and the parent turns their back and they jump in the pool. For a lake or something, yes of course but professionals will say life vests are horrible at the pool.

Water wings are a NO. Coast guard approved flotation devices are great. You can use them without causing any delay to learning how to swim.

?
My water wings say coast guard approved on them. What's the difference? Sincerely asking.

My 3.5 yr old was trying to float wearing water wings and got his head under the water and couldn’t flip over. He couldn’t call for help since his head was underwater. Luckily I was right there and pulled his head up and helped him her upright.

They really aren’t safe unless you’re right there in the water.